[jenn27]

Hey ladies. My name is Jennifer and i'm joining this board because I know ya'll have been through the same thing that I have gone through and am still struggling with. Heres a little history:

I am 27 and have a 5 year DS. I have a wonderful husband who I have been married to since September 2006 and a wonderful 9 year old step daughter. I was on the pill until August of last year and we decided to start trying for a baby. After 9 long months of ttc, we finally got what we had been waiting for. My BFP came the day AF was due and I also had a blood test which came back positive. I thought all was going well and then on Sunday at 4 weeks and 5 days, we were in Memphis with our kids and another couple with their kids and i started bleeding. I didn't want to ruin the kids day so i just sucked it up and went about the day holding in my heartbreak. I talked to the dr on monday and they said the best thing to do was rest for a couple days and see what happens. I did that and on wednesday went back to work because the bleeding had stopped. I work at a hospital so i had a friend of mine do an ultrasound and then i heard the words that there was nothing there. I tried to control my feeling and not break down right there on the table. I had a feeling that is was a m/c but didn't want to believe it. I called my husband and he came home right away and stayed with me the rest of the day. He has been soooo supportive and the more than I could ever ask for. I know it was an early m/c or as some like to say i believe a chemical pregnancy but it doesn't make it any easier.

I can't help but sometimes wonder if I am being punished for something or that I don't deserve to have a baby. I do ok sometimes and I tell myself that it just wasn't meant to be this time and that God has a plan and that when it's time he will give us another child. But then I see all these people around getting pregnant and wonder why cant that be me. Saturday was a horrible day and i almost had a nervous break down I think . The day was going great. I was supposed to go to eat and to the movies to watch sex and the city with a couple of my friends that night. We were out at the deer camp doing some work when a guy friend of mine told me that one of the girls that i was going to the movies with was pregnant and she didn't know how to tell me. My heart sank. I am happy for her but once again I feel as though I have done something wrong. At first I wasn't going to go to the movies. I just didn't think I could handle it. At the last minute I decided to go and had a great time but I don't know how to get past the feelings that I have. My DH have been trying for 9 months and finally thought we had it and our baby was taken from us. Then someone who just up and decides they want to have a baby last month, has an IUD taken out and ends up pregnant immediately. Part of me just feels that I don't deserve a baby. Has anyone else ever felt that way?

I am sooo sorry this is sooo long. I heard that ya'll are a great group of women and very supportive. I know as time goes by that things will get better. I just hope that we can get pregnant again soon and that nothing goes wrong. Thanks for listening to me babble on about my problems. I know ya'll are here for the same reason I am. Just wanted to introduce myself and give a little history. I hope there are lots of BFP this month and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

[katiegirl]

Jennifer I am sorry for you loss. You have come to the right place.
The ladies here are all wonderful and very supportive.
What you are feeling and what you are going through is way too familiar unfortunately.
It does get easier but there are those days that are tough every once in a while.
On a lighter note, welcome to our board I hope that you get your BFP very soon!

[madmum_sarah]

oh jennifer im so sorry for your loss
welcome to the madhouse though. it is a shame that we have all been through losses but it has created a very sensitive, loving and supportive board. the women here are fantastic and before joining i had no idea how to cope as i had no one that understood.
i look forward to getting to know you better (although your usernames looks familiar )
xxx

[Eleysia]

Jennifer, im so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible thing to go through, espically when you dont know why it happened. Im glad you found your way over here, these women are wonderful. All of us were in your shoes to some degree at a point, some very recently and some years ago. Everyone heals differently and feel free to take as much time as you need. It will get easier as each day goes by, and some days youll regress, but it is all normal and a natural part of grieving.

If you need anything please dont hesitate to ask, everyone here is so supportive, and we can all sympathasize with you.

Welcome to the family hun.

[*becky*]

Hi hon...I'm glad you introduced yourself over here. I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. It doesn't matter how early the loss is...it still hurts. I pray that God heals your heart and body with mercy.

((hugs))

PS - The ladies here ARE wonderful!!!

[mommy jenn]

JENNIFER!! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING EXACTLY!!!

my name is jennifer too, im 22 and i know what you mean about being punished. I had a mc at 8wks in march when all was going fine, heart beat, everything fine. then bleeding then gone.... i was consumed with heart ache and jealousy. some days im fine but most days im still horribly jealous of others, i just really feel like the Lord is punishing me. I had a chemical last month too so i think he is trying to tell me something. my next hurdel.... a babyshower for a girl at work in August... i just pray to God that i am pregnant by then and i can make it through that day.

I have realised though that God wants me to learn something from this... but i dont know what it is!!!!! i just cant seem to figure it out!

i do hope that you get your sticky bean soon!!! lots and lots of baby dust to you!!! we will get through this!!

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found us here. We've all been where you are and we will be here to help you in anyway we can. I understand your feelings. I've had them plenty of times myself. I hope you will get a sticky bean soon. I look forward to getting to know you.

[HavensMomma]

Jennifer, im so sorry for your loss I understand how you feel, i felt the exact way you do when i lost my baby 6 months ago. Its such a hard thing to go through and it seems like no one around you really understands. I wish none of us ever had to ge through a m/c. All the ladies here are awesome and very supportive, & i look forward to getting to know you

[MountainMomma]

Oh Jennifer, I really wish that I could take this away for you. I know how you feel though. I feel the same way alot of times.

[Pitridge]

Hi Jennifer, I'm very sorry for your lost.

I think we all here understand all too well what you are going through and it's hard and need to take it one day at the time. Mine was at 8 weeks, i never got to even see or hear a heartbeat, no matter how far along anybody is, still very hard. All this ladies had wonderful advise, did not leave much for me to say.
But know that we are here and welcome, this are a bunch of great ladies.

[Mommy2Makenna]

I am so sorry for your loss. m/c hurts no matter how long you tried to conceive your bean and I wish so bad that NO ONE ever had to go through what we've all gone through. You have found the right place. These ladies provide humor to pick you up, advice during all stages of the process, encouragment to keep trying when you feel you've lost all hope and beautiful friendship. I hope you get your BFP with a STICKY bean soon!

[jennntj13]

to the family and thank you for sharing your story.

I am very sorry for your loss... this is a very rocky ride, but the ladies here are so wonderful and are such a fabulous support system.

I wish you the best of luck and can't wait to get to know you better! Big

[lynie07]

Jennifer l'm so sorry for your loss

Welcome and l so understand how you are feeling l have lost
2 Angels and l felt the same way you do,at time l feel that l'm
being punished for something that l might have done wrong in
the past and it makes it hard at times to stay positive.
l wish you all the best and hope you get your BFP soon

[*Bobbie*]

Jennifer.... I am sooo glad you found your way over here

You will have a baby someday soon. I think some of us just have bad luck. I don't think it's because *someone is trying to tell us something*. Eventually if you keep trying your luck will change and you will get the baby you dream of. Good things do happen to good people

Feel free to jump right into the board. Everyone is very easy going and supportive.... I am sure you will love it here

[AllisonC]

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I'm glad you made your way over to this board and I pray you will begin to heal physically and emotionally soon . I am here if you ever need to talk, just send me a PM.

[..Jessica..]

Hi Jennifer, welcome to the board!

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. M/C is heartbreaking no matter at what stage.

And...it's not your fault. God isn't punishing you for anything, like you said, he has a plan.