Can't believe this - need your advice/help please!

britneyt · #1 July 2nd, 2008, 05:20 AM

I hope this doesn't upset any of you, it upset me but it was related to me... I don't know what to do.
I received an email this morning from my cousin. She is stationed in Iraq for 18 months. This is only her second month there. She informs me through email that she believes she is pregnant, and needs me to send her a pill to destroy the pregnancy. WHAT? She says that if she becomes pregnant over there, that her military career is over so she needs to terminate it. OMG I am freaking out! She has no idea that I am TTC but you would think that knowing what I have been through she wouldn't ask me such a thing! But then, when I put my emotions aside, I suppose I can halfway understand where she is coming from. I have no earthly idea how to respond to this. I am at a loss. For one, I thought there was only a morning after pill, and 2, I do not believe in abortion.
I mean, even if I did help her out, how would I even go about getting such a pill... uggh! I wanna cry!!
Ladies... what would you do?

I am sorry if this has offended any of you, but I just don't know who else to ask, as she trusted me not to tell anyone about her situation...

*Bobbie* · #2 July 2nd, 2008, 05:27 AM

This is how I feel.....

Oh what a bad spot to be in. I would think it would be illegeal to send prescreption drugs out of the country? Plus, how exactly does she expect you to get them? Are you supposed to go to planned parenthood and lie?

I think she got herself in a bad situation and needs to get herself out. Talk about immature. She needs to take responsibility for what she has done and take care of things herself. If she gets kicked out... it is her own fault for having unprotected sex. Sorry that is just how I feel. I think it is 100% wrong of her to ask you for help.

madmum_sarah · #3 July 2nd, 2008, 05:28 AM

personally i would be emailing her and saying i couldnt help and that i was upset she had even asked me to do such a thing.
then again maybe today would be the wrong time for me to reply.
i hope you can think of someway to reply hun

xx

LifeToTheMax · #4 July 2nd, 2008, 07:50 AM

First of all, I think you are an extremely kind and understanding person to even try to understand where she is coming from in the situation. That said, I don't think you can help her. I'm sure by the time you got any sort of pill to her it would be far to late for Plan b (and also, as Bobbie said, probably very illegal to send it out of the country). And as it would be to late, you would have to somehow get your hands on an abortion pill (putting aside the fact that you completely disagree with the idea), and short of robbing a Planned Parenthood or other clinic, I'm not sure how you could do that, as they require a pregnancy test before giving it to you and you take the first pill in the office (I've never had an abortion, but I did have it explained to me). Regardless, I am so sorry she has put you in this situation. You could kindly send her a reply saying that legally, physically (as you cannot get the pill) and morally, there is no way you can fulfill her request, but that if she needs you support or help in any other way that you are still there for her. Again, I'm so sorry you are in this position

britneyt · #5 July 2nd, 2008, 08:51 AM

Thanks for the info hun.

I replied to her saying that I'm sorry but I could be of no help.
My step sister is a PA and she said that the only thing she knew of was the methotrexate that came in pill form, and that I would have to go to an abortion clinic. I don't think I could step inside one of those in the first place and secondly, that's the same medicine I had to have with my ectopic - which turned into me having to have surgery. I would feel awful if I did get my hands on it, and she had the same reaction as me, but wasn't able to receive treatment as quickly as I did because she didn't want to fess up to the truth.
Uggh. I feel bad for her, but it's not my problem, right?

britneyt · #6 July 2nd, 2008, 08:51 AM

Thanks for the info hun.

I replied to her saying that I'm sorry but I could be of no help.
My step sister is a PA and she said that the only thing she knew of was the methotrexate that came in pill form, and that I would have to go to an abortion clinic. I don't think I could step inside one of those in the first place and secondly, that's the same medicine I had to have with my ectopic - which turned into me having to have surgery. I would feel awful if I did get my hands on it, and she had the same reaction as me, but wasn't able to receive treatment as quickly as I did because she didn't want to fess up to the truth.
Uggh. I feel bad for her, but it's not my problem, right?

Pitridge · #7 July 2nd, 2008, 09:10 AM

I agree wit the other ladies. How are you suppose to get your hands on that pill? I almost positive that they require a pg test before giving you any pills to terminate the pg. She got herself in this situation, she should get out of itby herself, there is something call condoms, use them. Sorry if it sounds kind of harsh but she shouldn't be putting you in a situation like this, not when she knows that you lost a baby. She's being a bit selfish asking you to do that. I think you are a great person just by trying understand her situation, but asking you to do something like that? What is she thinking? Oh..maybe she's not thinking. Sorry if I'm being a B**** about it.

britneyt · #8 July 2nd, 2008, 09:16 AM

Quote:

I agree wit the other ladies. How are you suppose to get your hands on that pill? I almost positive that they require a pg test before giving you any pills to terminate the pg. She got herself in this situation, she should get out of itby herself, there is something call condoms, use them. Sorry if it sounds kind of harsh but she shouldn't be putting you in a situation like this, not when she knows that you lost a baby. She's being a bit selfish asking you to do that. I think you are a great person just by trying understand her situation, but asking you to do something like that? What is she thinking? Oh..maybe she's not thinking. Sorry if I'm being a B**** about it.[/b]

LOL thanks for that - we had the same initial reaction to what was being asked of me - at least now I feel better about being a beotch about it, myself

jennntj13 · #9 July 2nd, 2008, 09:19 AM

I wouldn't do it. I agree with what Bobbie said. It sounds to me like she is being immature and she should be accepting responsibility for her own actions and not putting that burden on you.

Eleysia · #10 July 2nd, 2008, 10:03 AM

Yet again im on the other side of the fence, but hey im used to it.

This is coming from someone in the med feild and in the military.
First off she is a twit saying that "her carreer would be over" just from pregnancy. What she prolly isnt saying is whom she slept with... which can make her carreer over. Anyways let me move on. Methotrexate is the only option as far as a pill to terminate pregnancy, and in the military medical feild they wont administer it unless you have an eptopic. they wont do voulentary abortions. This is why she cannot go into medical and seek help that way (also betting again, she slept with someone off limits so to speak). So i can totally see why she would be asking you for help.

Instead of being offended or even appaled that she would present such a situation to you, can you please try to see it from her side? She is probably VERY scared right now, 2-3,000 miles from anyone whom she trusts or loves, and is having to go through this alone so to speak. So in her asking you for help it really is (in a twisted way) a great compliment, in trusting you with all of this information and seeking guidance from you.

I completly understand your response to her, and not wanting to go sit in a clinic. Thats totally your decision and i respect you for standing up for your beliefs. Just know she wasnt trying to hurt or offend you by reaching out, she just needs some help, and not judgement

kellyanne · #11 July 2nd, 2008, 10:25 AM

I certainly couldn't do it either....and I think your response was fine. But perhaps you could try to stay in touch with her and offer your help and support in other ways. She did reach out to you, so she must trust you. If she doesn't know much about pregnancy, you might be able to answer questions for her or something. I know this is a really tough situation for you.

britneyt · #12 July 2nd, 2008, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Yet again im on the other side of the fence, but hey im used to it.

This is coming from someone in the med feild and in the military.
First off she is a twit saying that "her carreer would be over" just from pregnancy. What she prolly isnt saying is whom she slept with... which can make her carreer over. Anyways let me move on. Methotrexate is the only option as far as a pill to terminate pregnancy, and in the military medical feild they wont administer it unless you have an eptopic. they wont do voulentary abortions. This is why she cannot go into medical and seek help that way (also betting again, she slept with someone off limits so to speak). So i can totally see why she would be asking you for help.

Instead of being offended or even appaled that she would present such a situation to you, can you please try to see it from her side? She is probably VERY scared right now, 2-3,000 miles from anyone whom she trusts or loves, and is having to go through this alone so to speak. So in her asking you for help it really is (in a twisted way) a great compliment, in trusting you with all of this information and seeking guidance from you.

I completly understand your response to her, and not wanting to go sit in a clinic. Thats totally your decision and i respect you for standing up for your beliefs. Just know she wasnt trying to hurt or offend you by reaching out, she just needs some help, and not judgement

[/b]

I can completely understand that, and I don't think I ever said I was appaled that she would ask me that. Understandingly, I was taken back by someone asking me that, as I can almost bet you would be, too. However, if you read in my post, I said "But then, when I put my emotions aside, I suppose I can halfway understand where she is coming from."
I am by no means passing judgement on her, either. Where is the judgement that I passed? I know that she needs help and I did my research and spoke to my step sister, who is a PA, and realized that I am not the help that she needs. I did not immediately say that I would not help her. I simply can't help her.
Please don't make me feel any worse about this situation than I already do.
My heart is breaking for her, and I wish that I could help her... but I can't.

Eleysia · #13 July 2nd, 2008, 10:40 AM

Britney, I'm sorry you took it as me trying to make you feel worse. That wasnt my intention. I was not trying to put you down. It was more of a general response to the reactions of some of the comments from other ladies in the thread. Im not by any means trying to attack you at all. Like i said I absolutly respect you for doing something you believe in, and I think you handled it well. Espically after having been through a loss and now having to try to decide to help someone with an optional loss kwim?

The judgement thing, again, was not directed at you either. It was directed at the people I feel were judging her, instead of trying to see that she is asking for help.

I dont want any bad feelings about this, i really was not directing that at you, it was a general statement.

britneyt · #14 July 2nd, 2008, 10:49 AM

Thank you for explaining yourself - no bad feelings here, hun.

I just wish she hadn't gotten herself into this mess. Now I know that not only can I not help her (regardless of my morals or wishes to not be imprisoned/fined for shipping drugs overseas!!), but that no one can help her, and that saddens me. *sigh*

*Bobbie* · #15 July 2nd, 2008, 11:57 AM

Okay Eleysia I see your point...and it brings up some things I hadn't thought of for sure.

I am sure you are right and she is scared and didn't know who else to turn to... but if she slept with someone she shouldn't have...then I still say it's her mess. You sleep around you pay the price...be it a career or having to care for a child that was unplanned.

You are right. Without knowing her and the full situation maybe we shouldn't be judging her.

I was a teen mom and got pregnant at 15 but it was my mess and I have been dealing with the consequences for that for 17 years.... luckily they were all good consequences in the end.

Pitridge · #16 July 2nd, 2008, 12:06 PM

I see your point Eleysia. Sorry if it sounds like I was judging her, maybe I was, maybe it's just the hormones, we should not judge people that we don't know, I appologize. Eitherway, no one but the person can go into a clinic and ask for a abortion pill. They will not give those pills away to people just because you ask for them. Now, if she needs support then, yes you should be there to support her emotionally since it's the only thing that you can do and she came to you first. Anyway, I wish her the best of luck.