[carrierose5]

Hello, my name is Carrie. My sweet Aaron was stillborn last week at 28 weeks. We are devestated. My husband and I keep saying that we cannot leave it like this and want another baby quickly. We were so prepared mentally for Aaron and I was so excited to apply somethings I learned from mothering my son Joshua (2.5 years). I feel so weird wanting to get pregnant right away. As if I am just brushing Aaron off or something. But I love Aaron with all of my heart. I just know I cannot have him until I meet him in Heaven or Jesus comes to get us. I feel so empty. My arms actually physically ache. My breasts are full of milk and I have no baby to feed it to. Physically, when can we ttc? Is it when I stop bleeding? What is healthy physically? Emotionally, when am I ready? Anyone been through this? It was a VBAC delivery. Sorry to bombard with questions. That is how my mind is working lately.

Oh, I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine the heart ache you are going through! I don't have any answers for you unfortunately, I just wanted to send my condolences to you and your family!

Good luck in ttc quickly!

[jenn27]

Hi carrie. Frist off, I'm soooo extremely sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the heartbreak and emptiness that you are feeling right now. I'm soooo sorry to have to have to meet under these circumstances but I'm glad you found our board. I don't really know the answers to your questions but I'm sure there are some women on here that have been through that you just experienced and can offer lots of advice and support. These are some wonderful women and will help in any way that they can. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

[akafrogs]

Oh Carrie, I am so very sorry to see you here. (I'm the one that pm'ed you about the song quote in your signature after my m/c). I remember you posting in Am I Pregnant and my real life friend is in you DDC so I did hear about you loosing Aaron and I am so very very sorry.

I'm sure your doctors will want you to at least wait one cycle, meaning you stop bleeding have a cycle, then start, but you and your doctors need to decide that. As for you milk, if you have a lot, you could try donating some of it to your hospital for babies in the NICU, but since you want to start trying again soon, you will probably want to try to dry up. I know that parsely and pepperment reduce your supply.

As for emotionally, that is something that only you can decide. I can only imagine how empty you feel, I had a very early loss and sometimes I feel hollow. No child will every replace Aaron, you know that, but you need to be strong enough to enjoy your next pregnancy. Take some time to grieve and to heal and I'm sure you will know when you are ready.

Please feel free to stick around here. We have quite a few women who are WTC.

[AliciaF]

I also lost our son last week on July 10. I understand your feelings of wanting to ttc again very soon. My ob recommended a wait of 3 months but I am going to talk to him again last week to find out if it would be dangerous to ttc sooner than that.

I also had a very rough, difficult pregnancy and a traumatic delivery involving a postpartum hemorrhage and manual extraction of the placenta so that may add to why my ob suggested waiting.

Good luck with ttc again.

[KDD]

Hi Carrie, as much as I love this board, I am always sad when we get a new member. I am so sorry to hear about Aaron.

As for your questions, I believe that when you are ready emotionally it is time to try again (of course make sure that you are healthy first). Talk to your doctor and see what s/he says.

[MountainMomma]

Carrie, I am so sorry you have to join us here hun. You definitely need to talk to your doctor, but I feel sure he/she is going to say at least 6 weeks (because of delivery) and probably more like 3 months or more. I personally have always started TTC again as soon as I felt up to it mentally and physically, but mine were early losses.

I am so sorry to hear about Aaron. When you are ready I hope you rejoin us on the SI board also.

[MrsPoe]

Carrie,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful son, Aaron.

First of all I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I lost my first born at 27w5d just over a year ago. I know that my husband and I were talking about ttc again before we even left the hospital. I didn't even want to wait that first cycle, but I am so glad that I did now. I am not sure if you chose to have an autopsy or not, but if you did I strongly suggest waiting until you get those results back. For me my doctor told me to wait until we got our testing back. I went in for tons of blood work, but had to wait until after 6 weeks, which is about when I got my first af after giving birth. The results came back and showed that I have 2, possibly 3 blood clotting disorders. I was told to continue taking my prenatals, and then they also started me on baby aspirin, and 5mg of folic acid. The wait felt like forever, but during that time I grieved and cried and got closer to dh. I needed that time. I was rushed to try again because it took us 5 years to even get pregnant with her. After 2 cycles we began trying again. I thought one month of the baby aspirin and folic acid would be enough and my dr. had wanted me to wait another cycle but I just couldn't wait. One year later, almost to the date I got my bfp. And now looking back, it was probably a lot better for ME to wait that time.

In the meantime, having milk and no baby to feed it to was the hardest reminder. Try wearing a really tight sports bra and if it gets too painful some warm compress may help a little. It will make you leak though. Some women even use cabbage leaves, although I never tried that.

If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me!

The most important thing is to allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling now and know that it is all very normal in the grieving process. Hugs

[Eleysia]

Carrie, Im so sorry about Aaron. I read your posts in the Oct DDC and it absolutly broke my heart. I cannot even begin to say i know how you feel, and I also dont know that emotionally I can give you any sane advice right now. My heart absolutly broke reading your posts, as it still does. I hope that the ladies here can give you some guidance, and please dont feel guilty wanting baby to fill your arms, thats completly natural hunny. I hate that we all meet under such horrible and devastating losses, but in a bittersweet way im glad you found our board. These women are such a strong support to have. Welcome to our family Carrie

[madmum_sarah]

im so sorry for you loss
the girls here are fantastic and will give you some great information and support.
for me i have found everyone is different. i wanted to try again right away and was sure it was the only way to fill the hole losing my baby left. i was sure at least emotionally i way ready!
now ive lost 3 in 6 months and i have to say i dont think i will every be ready emotionally. yes, i would die to have another baby growing inside me but as soon as it looks like its going to happen, i break down because im so scared of it all going wrong again.
now im taking a break until november (well i will be after this af shows) and il be seeing a counsillor to help me get some of my emotional strength back.
i pray you get your sticky bean soon and that you manage to enjoy your pregnancy when it comes
xx

[bcowley]

Carrie

I just want to say I'm soo sorry for your lost. I really don't have any answers for you but I just want you to know that here you will find great support to help you thru these rough times. I too recently lost my baby and have found that being able to talk to people that have gone thru the same thing and really understand what you're going thru is a big confort to me. I hope you find some peace.

[mom2kaisnkam]

Oh Carrie I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Aaron. My loss was only at 5w3d so I can't really answer your question. But there are some great ladies here who can.

[HippyMomOf4]

I'm so sorry for you loss, i heard about it from some others in your DDC! I can't imagine what your going through! I don't really have any answers for you but i would say wait till you see the dr and i'm sure he will give you all the info you need. Again i'm so sorry for your loss