[madmum_sarah]

IM

































not pregnant

i called doc and it was negative! i kind of knew it would be because my temp dropped slightly this morning and i started spotting after we dtd last night.
im pretty upset and confused by it all and the way i feel right now i wont be "trying" anymore. i had such regular cycles and was always clear from my charts when i got a bfp (even though sadly i lost them) but this cycle has thrown me totally!
i guess af will show full force today or tomorrow.
mark has gone to see his son so im home alone with the kids so i cant even get to cry and let it all out until they are in bed tonight.
thanks for all the support girls. i guess im just not meant to have another baby
xxx

[.x~KAT~x.]

Im so sorry sarah I hate how hard TTC is. Dont give up hope though hun, if you want something so bad then it has to happen eventually? right? If i was you id pu the kids to bed early, have a couple of glasses of wine and watch a girly movie xxx

[akafrogs]

I'm so sorry Sarah.

[Wee3monkeys]

Oh Sarah!! I'm sorry, hun!!! Don't give up though!

[mom2kaisnkam]

I am so so sorry Sarah. I know it is hard, but don't give up.

[Eleysia]

I wish I was there to give you a big hug, then take the kids out so that you could have a day to yourself hunny

[Brittanie]

I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm sorry that you didn't get the answer you wanted, but I'm glad that you at least have the answer. I hate being "in limbo."


Like Eleysia said, I wish I could take the kids for you for a bit so you could have a good cry. All our love and support is going out to you honey!

[madmum_sarah]

thank you girls.
im not going to let this get me down. im working hard on sorting myself out by seeing my shrink again so there is no way a visit from the witch is going to mess that up for me!
i updated my journal and in it i have said that i will be strong again as i always am. i always wanted a may baby like his/her daddy so that is still an option. im a june baby and we dont have any august babies so thats another 2 months il be happy having a baby in.
i hate appearing weak and vunerable because i know inside im stronger than that, just hormones make it appear that way sometimes.
i know i will get through this with the fighter in me, the love of mark and the support of all of you.
thank you all so much for being such amazing friends!
xx

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm so sorry sarah, but I'm glad you finally got some answer. I know you are strong. You will have a beautiful baby again. I have faith in that. You take care of yourself and know how much you are loved and admired.

Sarah, you are a very strong fighter and you have shown that so many times on this board. I'm not going to let you give up hope. I know it's so hard and so many things can screw up our cycles. After my mc, my cycles were over 40 days long sometimes up to 50 days. It's different for everybody but it took me losing weight to have a normal cycle. I know you don't have a weight issue but it could be something so simple and maybe it could be stress. You've got a lot going on right now.

Thing is, it's ok to let it out, it's ok to show your weak points, it's ok to not always be strong. And that's what we're here for......for you, for the joys, up and downs and in betweens, for you.

I wish I had something better to say to help or take away your pain. It makes me unhappy to see you being so hard on yourself for something that you shouldn't. You are one amazing mom and one never knows the future and what it holds and I pray that you will be holding your new baby very soon.

Sorry if I sound stupid, just know that you are thought of dearly.

Loads of hugs hun.

[madmum_sarah]

oh pamela
thank you so much!
i have had a rough life, everything that could be thrown at me has been and ive always got through it. very few people have seen me cry or show weakness. i guess feeling so close to all of you but yet so far away allows me to let all of that out but because i do feel close to you all it becomes hard again because i want people to see im strong and can help them through things without worrying about myself.
arghh hormones are a real pain you know!
im going to go now before get all soppy!
xxx

[live.laugh.love.]

I'm so sorry Sarah! I'll keep you in my t&p.

Well, you've made me soppy so you may as well be soppy too.....lol. It is hard when we put such high expectations on ourselves.

Not alot of people know thiss, but I grew up with a very abusive father. I was so determined not to become a statistic and lead a normal life. I thought I was so strong.......it wasnt' until I went back to church that I realized that it wasn't me.......it was God. And that's the strength that gets me through the hard times. I remind myself to put my worries in Jesus' yoke and HE will carry them for me. I forget that so many times and I'm usually at the end of my rope before I do remember but it helps. I'm not the Christian I should be but hope to be one day.

But no matter what you believe, believe that He will see you through.

I admire your determination and the fact that you know you need help to get through life at times and seek out that help. So many don't and I'm really happy that you do. It's ok to lean on others.

HUGS

[Mum2three]

Oh no Sarah Im sorry....I really hope it happens soon for you!

[jenn27]

Hey Sarah. I'm so sorry to hear that you have been going through such a tough time. You know you have so many friends that love you and are her for you no matter what. You just have to continue to stay strong and you will get through it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being upset or emotional. That doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human. Everytime I think about giving up TTC or giving up on something, I read an icon that I have on my myspace page and puts thing back into perspective and reminds me that I can't give up. Don't ever give up hope. We are here for you girl and things will all work out. We are all in this with you. lots of and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Here is the link to the icon if you want to go check it out:
http://www.yescomments.com/encouragement-2.html

it's the 4 one down. It says:

<div align="center">Just when you think about giving up, Remember why you held on for so long!!!!</div>

[Bakin8th]

I am so sorry Sarah that you going through such a hard time.

Keep your chin up and be loven on your kids every chance you get. They are the ones who will stick with you through thick and thin. What a blessing you have in them

[NeeshBoogie]

This is going to sound like an unconventional answer, but it is as acceptable to give up on TTC today as it is to totally change your mind and decide to pick up your TTC regimen right where you left off no matter how much time passes. I'm terribly sorry this is happening to you, and I believe when you're feeling a little better you'll get back up on the TTC horse again.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah, I'm so sorry! Has the witch shown yet?

Also, just wanted to say your posts are always so inspiring.

[madmum_sarah]

i swear i will never complain about af being mia again!!! she has come with a vengence over night and ouchhhhhhhh
apart from that im feeling a little better today. mark came home last night so i got to chat and get a hug before he went back to his. after he left i had a cry (for all of about 2 mins) and then thought "you know what, im glad shes here, im glad i have an answer and still have a chance of my may/june/july/august baby!" then i put on my meditation mp3 and ended up falling asleep listening to it! best sleep ive had in a long time
i know in my heart had i been pregnant this cycle i would have been more scared then ever because of the fact ive had chemical pregnancies the last 2 cycles.
THIS IS A GOOD THING! now my body has chance to recover a little as does my mind and also means i wont be heavy on morning sickness when i go and meet princesskate in person!
its time to think positive and leave it in gods hands.
i love the children i have, they are my nightmares and blessings lol but they are mine and im grateful ive been given the chance to raise them!
xxxx

If I only had one word to decribe how I felt about you......Amazing, but there is so much more than just one word that I could go on.

we adore you!