[Eleysia]

So, I told myself Id stop doing this, and aparently Im a glutton for punishment. Im happy all around right now, so what do i do? I go back to my 2 DDC.

Nov DDC: has huge bellies, everyone knows the sex, and all babies are moving. They are complaining about being uncomfortable and huge.

Jan DDC: has people finding out the sexes, big bellies and people complaining about being miserable.

Im gonna go cry somewhere.


That should be me!!!!!!! Now Im in a brand new relationship that yeah, im happy, but he wants kids spaced way apart. I realistically wouldnt even be TTC until AFTER I got married, which isnt any time soon. I have a beautiful 2 y/o son whom I love to peices, and Will has a son the same age who is wonderful, but I have already decided that When Gavin hits Kindergarten, im not having any more babies. I am slowly trying to accept that I very well might not ever be pregnant again, and thats so devastating. Twice now I have been robbed, and yeah Im not gonna lie... im pissed. It isnt fair!!!

I was 8w 5d the second time, and got all my maternity clothes out, washed them, and tried some of them on thinking "in just another week or so this will be my wardrobe" only to find out my body is some kind of retarded, and i cant grow babies!!!!! "blighted ovums are rare, and almost never happen twice" Tell that to my breaking heart, or my aching arms that want another baby. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Brittanie]

Oh honey, I have tears in my eyes for you. I'm so sorry. I wish I could just wash all those hurt feelings away somehow.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm so sorry Eleysia. I hate knowing you're hurting. You deserve so much happiness. I hope with time it will get easier. And I do believe that you will have more babies! Don't ever give up hope.

[Wee3monkeys]

Oh, Eleysia!! I'm so sorry!!!!

It should be you! I wish, I wish, I wish....... I completely understand about being pissed! That's the way I felt too, I felt like taking a sledgehammer to anything breakable.

But don't give up hope, honey!! Don't ever do that! I always said that too, I was not having another baby until I was married and settled. Well, guess what, I decided that whether that happened or not I still wanted another baby. And I wanted to do it before ds was in kindergarten too, well, I'm about 3 years late but I decided I still wanted another one. It may not be the same months, but I've got 2 losses roughly the same time as your 1st, and here I am, still trying. Your body is not retarded, you did it once! Think of it as dh sperm became retarded as his brain also lost brain cells! His retarded sperm, couldn't make a baby with your SUPER eggs! Next time honey, you'll have all new SUPER sperm too!! It will happen, hun (I always hated when people told me this) but it will happen for you; just in God's own time. (and I'm Agnostic, but I still believe that).

I wish I could take away the pain!!! I'm here if/when you need me though!

[Eleysia]

Thank you ladies, I know when Im having days like this you are always there for me. I really do cherish Jm and TTCAL. You guys keep me sane. Im sure tomorrow Ill be fine again, i just hate random set backs like this. I dont know why Im fighting everything in my life right now. I guess this just isnt where I saw myself at 23 kwim?

meh, im just rambling now lol, i see a long night of playing World of Warcraft in my VERY near future

[.x~KAT~x.]

wow, im sorry your so down hun, believe me when i say that i 100% get your feelings I am so fed up of this whole stressful ttc buisness!I havent been near my DDCs although my friend and my step sister are due in december anyway! Anyway i guess what im trying to say is that you are not alone, we are all here to support you! I think you will get a healthy Bfp next time, because like you said, blighted ovums are rare xxx

[Bakin8th]

Awww I am so sorry your haveing a bad day.

You right it should be you! You should be pissed! It is not fair and it ok to feel ripped off.

[NeeshBoogie]

I'm so sorry you're having a rought time today, but I tend to think you have to march (sometimes slowly) through the rough days in order to appreciate the leisurely strolls through the really really great days. I know you've got your mind set on how things are going to go from here on out, but you've got a long stretch of time ahead of you just waiting for wonderful blessings (read: babies) to pop up.

While you're happy in your relationship maybe the time will be right sooner rather than later. That's my prediction!

Sorry you're having a rough day Eleysia, your post makes my heart ache.

You never know where life will take you and you're very young (I hate when ppl tell me I'm young cuz I've lived so much in these short 24 years,) but anyhow, who knows, you could have more kids 15-20 years from now! If not much sooner. So don't rule anything out. And hopefully looking at your old DDCs is kinda therapeutic and you are able to wake up tomorrow to a fresh new day...wish I could do something to help. Sorry :/

Keep your chin up hun, HUGS

[HippyMomOf4]

Girl i'm so sorry your having a tough day. It sounds like me about a week ago. I don't know why i do it either but somedays i look at my old DDC too! :dothugs: Everything always has a way of working out just try and keep your head up and know that we are all here for you!

[Pound]

i'm sorry girl. i went back to my nov ddc once, a few weeks ago, and just couldn't read too much.
as for your future plans- don't carve anything in stone yet! i swore for 5 yrs i would only have 1 child, and then i suddenly changed my mind. you could too, or your future hubby. you never know.
you'll have another baby of your own. don't count it out completely, it's just the pessimist talking. i know cuz that's totally me.

[madmum_sarah]

my sweetheart!
im so glad i didnt join my ddcs. it is hard enough hearing about my cycle buddy and her pregnancy some days!
i know how much you crave that baby darling and how much it hurts. i also know nothing i can say will ever take away that pain but please, remember how much we love you and your life is turning round now. its going to be a great life hun and im sure one day will include a much wanted baby.
xxx

Ohhh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I never thought I would be pregnant at the age of 36 with a teenager and a toddler already in tow. I was single with my oldest and never thought I would get married until I met Mick, my soulmate. He only wanted one child and even though I really wanted 2 close together, I was happy. Little did I know, our Ethanael would melt his heart and make him want another.

I'm so sorry if I offend because I don't ever want to do that to you......

There is a reason we have our own paths.......we never know what is around the next corner. Sometimes its hard when our path is covered with thorns and dead flowers and you look over to the next path and it's bright and sunny and colorful with so many flowers. So many times I wished I was on THAT path but then we don't know what is around their next corner or what they have already gone through to get to that part of the path.

Your path is ever changing and we don't control where it goes or how long. I know you'll have your baby and it could be in a few months or a few years. I honestly feel God was looking out for you and Gavin, you guys have been through so much lately and this is such a good chance to heal for you both.

I got pregnant when not trying and ovulated well before I should have and don't even remember dtd near there. Just hold onto that hope that it will happen and it doesn't matter how old you are. Alex and Ethanael are 11 years apart and I wouldn't change a thing about that.

Please forgive me if I have upset you. I really do care about you and your feelings.

[princesskate]

Im sorry you are having a bad day hun

[Mum2three]

Oh sweetheart, im in complete tears just reading what you wrote. I just wish i could take your heart and heal it. but i know i cant. I really hope that this new relationship means a new life, after all you deserve it more then others. Your a powerful woman, and i give you great kudos. most woman cant do what you are doing and feeling at this point. Embrace yourself and know that this wasnt your fault. That God has plans for you, and sending you to a new relationship is what he wants. and you never know if this man is the one for you, and you can bare his children. Just dont rush into anything right now. Give yourself some time to heal from everything that has happened to you. You have a good heart honey, and that will give you the greatest gift in life. Just know that good things happen to those who wait. im a firm believer in that quote. and honey it will work out in your best interest. Your a GREAT mother, great wife/girlfriend, great friend, and theres nothing i wouldnt change about you. If you ever need to talk im only a pm away and you do have my email address.

Love ya girl...

[Eleysia]

Im sitting here crying, but not because any one of you hurt me, im just overly filled with warmth. I didnt even have the first thought that I would log on this morning to such warm responses, and such help from you all. Thank you so so much. You're all absolutly correct about taking it all one day at a time, and also that I never know what is in store for me, gavin, and our future. Pamela, girl, you didnt even come close to offending me, I come on here for honesty, and thats what everyone gave me.

I guess everything is happening kinda fast and I cant slow anything down. I think thats whats making me have paniky moments like this. Today is the first day of Aug, which means that on the 21st some stranger will make the first attempt to decide what will happen with my son. 2.5 weeks after that... another stranger will make the final decision. As that all gets closer I find myself trying to hold onto everything in my life, and slow down time (obviously impossible).

Again thank you all so much for helping me through all of my freak outs, Id be lost without you all

Eleysia, we would be lost without YOU. I really pray this stranger makes the right decsions for Gavin. You have given so much here hun. I'm so relieved that I didn't offend you.

Sometimes I need to practice what I write and in the middle of writing it, I had to stop and send an email off to my hubby to let him know how much I love him and appreciate all he does. That's the effect that your presence has here.

We all cherish you here.

[Pitridge]

As for the stranger deciding what will happen to Gavin, I do believe that he will most likely stay with you, you are a wonderful mother they can’t disagree with that. I know you are worry, but have faith, I know that everything will turn out ok. </span>

I wish I could take away the pain for both losses, it really hurts me to see you this way. We love you

[jenn27]

Hey Eleysia. I hope your having a better today. I am sorry you are having to go though all this and you are feeling the way you do but we are all here for you. Don't give up hope and faith. Things will all work out in the end. We have all had those feelings of being mad and feeling like Life isn't fair and it isn't but things that happen in our lives make us stronger and better people. I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I hadn't gone through some of the hurdles that I have. YOu are a wonderful, strong, and loving mother, and I know that one day you will have that precious baby and you will be with someone that makes you complete. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend and that things start looking up for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. We love ya.

[LifeToTheMax]

Eleysia...I really hope that today is better for you! I am so sorry that you were having that kind of a day. I keep thinking it would be okay to just *peek* at my old DDCs and see how everyone is doing, and it always makes me so sad. I really wish that you were still there and that YOU were making me sad well, you know what I mean. You are so kind, I feel like you deserve it so much!