[IAMommy]

Soo, this is a long post - sorry in advance

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my little sister is pregnant, and I am really nervous about a family gathering we are having on Monday.

I'm sure she is showing by now. This would be her 2nd pregnacy, and I think she is about 4 months along. I'm pretty sure that she got pregnant right after we lost Isaac and Avery. I say I think becasue I haven't spoken to her about it. I'm afraid if I call to talk about her pregnancy, I will start to cry.

My mom called DH and told him that Jessica was pregnant, and that she had been for a while, but didn't want to say anything because Jess thought that it would make me too upset. I love that she is so sweet to think of me. I called my mom back and told her that I just wanted everyone in the family to be happy for Jessica, and not to worry if it will upset me or not. That pregnancy is something to celebrate, not hide.

I do feel that way. I don't want Jessica to feel bad about being pregnant. I want her to be happy! The thing is though, even though I want her to be happy, I know that I will be dying inside when I see her. It feels like knives slicing though me when I see pregnant people out in public. I know it will kill me to see her belly sticking out, and to hear people congradulate her and to see her beaming.

How on earth am I going to keep it together. I love her, and I don't want her to see me hurting. I know she will think it is her fault if I get upset, but the truth is, I just miss being pregnant, and I miss my boys.

Sorry, I know I am rambling, I just needed to get this out.

If anyone else has had a sibling/close freind get pregnant soon after your loss - How did you handle it??

[mom2njia]

Hi I am new but I wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your little ones and I know how you are feeling. My sister was pregnant when I lost Kai just shy of 5 months along (march 07) and then this may when I lost a 9 week pregnancy, the very same day I had a d&c she found out she is having a girl (i have had 4 boys)! She lives in another state so I dont see her in person but holy cow does it hurt! I am happy for her and I dont want her to feel bad for me but I am dying inside when I get her emails or hear about her from the rest of the family. I wish I had some advice on how to deal but I would be honest with your sister even if it means crying! She will understand I am sure just dont let it drive a wedge between you. Besides the best therapy for me is snuggling friends babies!

[HippyMomOf4]

After both my recent losses i have had 3 friends all find out they are pregnant. I try my hardest to be happy for them and most of the time i am but i have those days where i don't even wanna look at pregnant women either. Its a hard thing to see when you've suffered a loss. I hope everything goes okay and you are able to get though seeing here. We are all here for you to vent and talk to!

[Del4]

I am so sorry. My sister lives 4 hours from me and after my loss in March, she got pregnant in May. I know I won't see her for a couple of months and she keeps saying she wants to see us, but I'm not sure I want to see her pregnant. I hadn't really thought about it but then I read your post and then thought about how I would feel if I saw my sister's belly and I started crying. So... I'm not ready either, I guess. And I think it's okay to not be ready. Maybe call your sister, cry it out over the phone and explain that you are going to have a rough time seeing her, but that you want her to know how happy you are for her, even if it's hard for you and that you don't want her to be less happy because of what you've been through.

You can't really avoid family gatherings forever, but ya know... I would think it would be acceptable if you chose to for a while. It's really up to you and NO ONE should give you problems for not knowing how to maneuver all this.

[Frangipani]

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[madmum_sarah]

its not easy thats for sure.
my BFF of 17yrs was pregnant at same time as i lost "jamie" and we were due the same week (i found out just after my loss)
to think i could have been having my baby at the same time as her was hard and seeing her now is total heartache.
they are no debating her dates and because shes a big girl they cant decide if she is due at end of august or sometime im september! the plus of that is that means she was much further on than i was but seeing her still breaks my heart.
i put on a brave face for her and show how happy am i even though im dying inside.
im sure when you see your sister it will hurt but the love you have for her will get you through it until you get home and can let it all out. we will be here for you to do that!
good luck
xx
oh and when i did cry in front of my friend, i just told her it was because she was blooming and i was so happy for her. made her feel loads better

I am so sorry you're going through this! I had quite a few ppl in our "circle of friends" that were/are pregnant. No one else has experienced a m/c in the group. So when they all started complaining about how sick they were, heartburn, etc. I would just go talk to the guys. It was so hard, I would go in the bathroom and cry and let it out, and try to hold it together, change the subject, whatever works. But now that a lot of them have had the babies, I get to babysit and buy them cute stuff, I just try to think of it like that. Now I get to be an "auntie" but it still kills me, there's no way to get around it I guess.

If it's too hard for you to be at the family gathering, make an appearance, tell your sister she's looks great, and leave early. You have to do what's best for you and don't feel bad about it. Sorry hun :/

[IAMommy]

Thank you so much ladies!! I think I am going to call my sister tonight. That way our first conversation about it doesn't have to be in front of our entire family!

I wish I could skip this get together, but it's for DH's, my brothers, and my 2 nephew's b-day, and I know my mom has been working hard to get everything together for this party.

[.x~KAT~x.]

My sil gave birth 2 weeks after my first loss and then my step sister fell pregnant during my last preg! It still hurts your family undersatnd how upset and what an emotional time this, so if you feel upset just say so, i cried when i had to visit my sils baby, but she understood how hard it was for me. Im sure you will be fine when you meet her, and im sorry that you are feeling down xxx

[amy2008]

I am so sorry!! When I was pregnant the 2nd time, my best friend was as well. Our due dates were 6 days apart. I lost my baby girl (we found out she was a "she" during testing after loss) at 11 weeks and my friend went on to deliver a healthy baby girl. I couldn't go to her baby shower, I cried when she called to tell me she gave birth. I cried every single time I saw that sweet baby and after every single phone call for a good solid year. While I was thrilled to pieces for my friend, it was extremely hard because my little girl would have been the same age. It has gotten a bit easier - I don't cry each and every time, but my heart will always ache when I hear a story about that little girl or see her.

While my friend couldn't understand what I was going through (who could, unless they have been there??), she did the best she could in trying to help. I think if you just let your sister know where you are emotionally, that is the best thing.

Good luck. *******HUGS*********