[carrierose5]

So we thought we were ready to try. Got my period and 7 loooong days later it ended. Joe said he was too tired our first opportunity (he works graveyard shift and so we wait for his days off). Then the next day he stalled and stalled. Then he broke down emotionally, then I did. He said it is too soon and he is too scared. So I tossed and turned and cried just hurting. This is really not fair. How can we have sex? How can we chance it again? What if we lost this baby? Are we tossing Aaron to the side? You know, all of those questions. Joe was up all night since he works nights and was crying while watching tv. So I came downstairs at 4 am, unable to sleep. We cried more for Aaron and prayed. We decided it was going to be like taking off a bandaid. Sounds so strange, as if sex is torture. But it is when you go through such horrible loss after dtd last time. We rarely have sex while pregnant because Joe gets scared anyway. So we cried through most of it. It was still passionate and sweet. We just are hurting. This probably should have gone in the private forum. Oh well.
So here I am cramping up a storm. Just like both other times I got pregnant. Feels like I am going to start AF any minute but it is not due. It is not a matter of getting my hopes up this time. Cause I am FREAKING OUT! What if it was too soon? I keep bouncing back and forth between not wanting to be pregnant and having this incredible urge to fill my empty arms. My symptoms could so easily be in my basket case of a head. Or they could be from ovulating for the first time in a while. Or I could be pregnant. Lord, please loan me this baby for a very very long time. Groan. I have lost my mind.

[Danielley08]

Everything you and your DH are going through are completely natural parts of the grieving process...

I know with my first loss I was so hesitant to try again because I felt like if I didn't wait long enough I didn't give that baby anytime to be missed...but honestly...TTC helped me cope with that loss...I knew that I'd always have that baby angel watching down on me and my family...including my future babies...

My DH and I actually just had a complete heart to heart because I told him I felt like he was acting like he didn't really want to try for another baby after our most recent loss...we have 2 boys and our loss 3 weeks ago was our long awaited baby girl...he said its just alot harder on him knowing that we were that close to a girl...so he is having a harder time coping with her loss...

I think men and women grieve so differently when it comes to pregnancy loss...we carry the baby in our womb and as soon as that bond is broken we begin to grieve...sometimes it can take men a bit longer to realize its really over...


If you ever need an open ear I'm here...feel free to send me a PM or an email...just know that the sun will shine again and you and your family will be happy...you will soon smile when you think of Aaron instead of cry...



(I hope this didn't sound too rambly...I tend to just start typing sometimes and everything I'm thinking just runs together...)

[~Laurie~]

You aren't losing your mind. It is hard to move forward when you don't feel like you are finished with the past (or present, for that matter). DH and I are having similar issues. We had a dream to add to our family and we did that when we had Eva, even if she isn't here. Now we have a new dream to add to our family again. They are two seperate dreams for two seperate children. I'm not sure if that is helpful, but realizing that has given me some measure of peace. As for the worry, I'm not pregnant yet but I am already afraid that something will go wrong again. I don't have an answer for that but I am a willing listener if you ever need to talk. Take care.

[madmum_sarah]

hun
you are not losing your mind, you are both grieveing hun! its natural.
some people need to get right back to it and others, they are too afraid to. either way, that fear is there for every one of us!
please remember we are here for you whenever and whatever the results hun
xxx

[jenn27]

I just wanted to let you know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers. You aren't losing your mind. Ya'll are going through a grieving process and these things just take time. I hope that when ya'll are ready, the Lord blesses ya'll with another baby. G/L hun and we are all here for you.

[Eleysia]

Oh Carrie, it absolutly breaks my heart to hear this. Im so sorry for you and DH. This is such a hard thing to do. TTCAL is terrible, as is PAL. You're always going to have these fears, and some days are very hard to cope with. This is exactly what we mean by it is normal and natural to grieve. It hits you like a ton of bricks some times. Ill continue to pray for strength for you and DH hunny.

Please know youre not casting Aaron aside by wanting a baby to hold as your own. He is watching you from above, and cheering you guys on every step of the way.

[..Jessica..]

I agree with the other ladies, it's completely normal and natural for you and Joe to feel the way you do. Nobody ever recovers from the loss of a child.

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I'll be praying for you.

[Brittanie]

DH and I struggled with this as well, after Cora. It's so hard to decide to try again. Before you get pregnant you have control, but afterward...you relinquish all control you could possibly have. And one of the worst parts about this kind of loss, too, is that it affects every subsequent pregnancy. You will always worry.


Give yourself time. Give DH time. And if you *are* pregnant, well, all you can do is pray. Thoughts and prayers with you.