[~Laurie~]

I love my best friend as much as I love my family, but I am failing her. She is due on September 4th and I was due October 12th. She didn't contact me directly after I had Eva because she was afraid it would upset me. She asked my mom to tell me that she would wait for me to call her when I felt up to it. She has tried to protect me from her pregnancy, and I feel so bad. She even asked if it was OK for her to visit because she was concerned that seeing her belly would cause me pain, and I hate to say this, but it did. She is going to have her baby any day now, and I am happy for her, but I am terrified of it. I've made myself ask about the baby and how she is feeling. I make myself be present for her pregnancy, but I don't feel comfortable. It hurts me, and I don't want it to. This is a wonderful thing for her, so why does it have to cause me pain? I made myself go and buy her a baby gift, even though she told me she didn't want me to. I ran in and grabbed a few things and ran out again. I feel like a crappy friend because I didn't really give it any consideration. My big worry is that I don't know how I am going to visit her and the baby when she has him. How am I going to hold him? I want to be there for her, celebrate with her, and make this entirely about her, but I'm afraid I will cry. Actually, I know I will. I can ask about things on MSN and she doesn't have to know how upset I am, but I can't avoid the visit. I don't want her to feel bad for me on one of the most important days of her life. I feel like a horrible and selfish friend when she is great and deserves much more. What do I do?

[going4it]

First, this is hard on BOTH of you. Can you imagine how she feels that she is having a baby and how unfair it is that you don't have your sweet Eva with you? Trust me, she is crushed. I can guarantee that she is WAY more worried about showing her happiness than you need to be about showing your sadness (did that come out right?). She feels horrible for you and doesn't have the first clue as to how to handle it. This doesn't make it any easier on you though.
My advise would be this..........contact her. Cry. Let her know how sad you are. Let her know how much you LOVE her and how happy she is that her baby is safe and sound. TRUST ME, she understands this is near impossible for you and there is no wrong way for you to handle this. Than I suggest you cry together. Tell her what you told us. She already knows in her heart how hard this is for you. You can't be wrong no matter what you do. Once you get that first very awkward conversation and visit over with, it will be much better.
Don't beat yourself up with how you feel. It is so completely understandable.

(((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))

[madmum_sarah]

i really wish i could help you hun but im in the same position. my bff baby is due next month and she found out a week after i got my bfp (she was further than she realised)
i went to school with this girl, my kids call her aunty, her daughter calls me aunty, i even call her mum, mum cos she was more of a mum to me than my own yet this time, this one time that she really wants and needs me, i feel like im being selfish because im thinking of the hurt im feeling!
im sorry im not much help hun but i wanted you to know that you are not the only one who feels like this

xx

[..Jessica..]

I agree with the other ladies.

She cares a lot for you, for her to call your mom and let her know whenever you are ready to call her. I'm sorry this is going on with you, she is definitely a true friend, and I'm positive she will not be upset if you sit with her and cry.

I'm so sorry hun.

[Pitridge]

I agree with the other ladies, she will understand and I know that she will love to seat with you and let you cry on her shoulder.

[mom2njia]

I agree with the other ladies, she will understand and I know that she will love to seat with you and let you cry on her shoulder.

[/b]

I agree too! reach out to her, and if you need to cry, then cry. (she probibly will too). Snuggle her baby, and that makes you cry, that is okay too. I have been down this road (too many times), dont let your grief or her fear ruin your friendship. After I lost Kai I FEARED being around babies, but once I made myself deal, I found it helped. If I havent told you, since I am new, I am truly sorry for your loss.

[~Laurie~]

Thanks for all the responses. Everything you've suggested sounds great, if you don't think I would be stealing her thunder, so to speak. I know she would never feel that way, but they say grief is selfish and I wouldn't want to do that to her. I know she would feel terrible if she thought she had caused me pain. We got pregnant together on purpose. Our sons are four months apart, and I was the one to say it was time for us to have more . I told her I was pregnant before I told DH (it was the day before my wedding and she picked me up to get mani/pedi's right after I had taken the test) so she has really been a part of this from the beginning. I'm sorry I'm rambling. Do you think I should tell her ahead of time that I will probably be upset, but that I am OK with that? You know, give her a heads up that I know what I'm in for and that I chose to do it anyway?

[..Jessica..]

If it will make you more comfortable to know that she knows you might be upset, then tell her. I think she will stand right by your side no matter what.