I had a stillbirth in the very beginning of April. My son was 28 weeks. We had a funeral and I said goodbye. I cried for a month straight, and then decided to try again. On cycle#4 I got my BFP on 9dpo. And found out yesterday that I was being subjected to an early M/C after rushing to the ER after soaking through 2pads in one hour. Now I am left feeling like there is no hope. My daughter is 3 and DH and I have been TTC ever since. 3 m/c at 11-13 wks, 1 late m/c at 19wks, and a stillborn son, and then another m/c? Why? Why does it seem that wanting something that should be so natural is causing such a heartache? I really want to make sure that my daughter is not an only child. What is so wrong with that? What hurts most is feeling like I am being punished.

Sorry I know you girls don't know me, but I post a lot in TTC, I looked in here a few times and in the loss and grief forums too. I just feel overwhelmed right now and don't know what to do.


Lily

[Mum2three]

Awe hun...big Hugs to you. I understand what your saying. I do suffered 2 stillbirths and many miscarriages.
Im so sorry to hear that yet another woman is going through this. I feel so bad for you.

Have you asked the dr's to run some tests on you and DH? Blood clotting disorders, thyroid disease, all that common stuff that they never check for?? I would ask before trying to have another baby.

Please keep hope! After everything that i have went through im holding my daughter right now. please believe as well...I wish i could tell you more but im unsure. i would have some tests done

if you ever need to talk or vent just PM me

[Eleysia]

I just wanted to say youre not being punished for anything you have ever done. It just doesnt work like that hunny Brandy would be the one to talk to for sure. Like she said she has somewhat been there too.

*wispers* Ive found alot of strength from that woman, she is amazing.

Im so sorry youre hurting and suffering through this.

[AliciaF]

We lost our son at 20 weeks, 2 months ago and I found out today I am miscarrying.

[Brittanie]

I'm on the verge of tears for you. I'm so sorry that you are suffering like this. It's so unfair. I really wish I had some answers. But I agree with Eleysia, it isn't a punishment, as much as it feels like one.

[MountainMomma]

I'm glad you joined us over here, and I wanted to tell you again how sorry I am for your losses.

[~Lynda~]

ladies, my heart breaks for you both!!! i'm so sorry you are going through this. it is a horrible thing to have to endure. my thoughts and prayers will be with you both, that you can get some answers soon. if your dr. won't help you, find a different one. HUGS!!!!

[Christine-MA]

aww Lily I'm so sorry for your losses, that's absolutely devastating

I really hope you get some answers.

[madmum_sarah]

hey lily, i know you
im so glad you decided to join us over here hun.
please, i know its hard to change how you feel but dont feel like you are being punished, it wont help you at all.
what may help is posting here amongst some amazing women who have all suffered losses.
we cant be there in person to support you but we can give you hugs and support through the screen the best we are able to.

xxx

[amy2008]

I am so sorry for all you are going through. While I have not had the heartache of a child born sleeping, I have had 3 miscarriages and one tubal. I know exactly what it is to wonder what you have done to deserve this. Unfortunately, the answer is NOTHING. You (and all of us) are not being punished. It would almost be easier if we were - at least there is usually an end date for punishment.

This website has saved my sanity. First in the grief & loss forum, and the TTCAL. The women are all wonderful - everyone can relate in some way shape or form to your feelings. I think between all of us we have run the gamut of emotions.

**hugs***

[IAMommy]

Hi Lily, and Welcome to this board. I am very sorry for you losses, but please do not think that you are being punished. Noone on earth deserves what you have been through, and my heart goes out to you.

Posting on this board has really helped me cope and given my hope too. I'm glad your here, and I look forward to your future posts.