[~SaRa~]

I hope that it is okay that I post this here...

I am currently pregnant for the 5th time (6wks), but will only be my 4th baby...

Last year I found out I was pregnant on December 1st. I started having bright red bleeding the week before Christmas, and was on bed rest for a week while waiting for my bloodwork. While i was on the bed rest, i was feeling strange twitches in my abdomen that reminded me of contractions (i have 3 healthy kids)...but i dismissed it because i was too early to be having contractions. My doctor brought me in, said my levels were still rising (didn't tell me numbers) and did a 'quick' scan and said that the baby was fine (i didn't see a heartbeat though). A week later I had my first real ultrasound scheduled. There i was, all alone (i had left my husband in november d/t abuse...so i was in this on my own) as the u/s tech moved the transducer all around and finally was like, 'i don't see a baby'. Then she left the room. I knew something was wrong (just from all of the bleeding), and my dr just had me go have more bloodwork and wait two agonizing days...just for the m/c to be confirmed. I was 11 weeks.
He wanted me to come back in two weeks for more bloodwork and u/s to confirm everything was gone. I made it two days. I was in such sever, agonizing pain that I couldn't move or bend over so i tried calling him but all he said was 'take some more tylenol'. i went to the ER instead because the tylenol wasn't touching my pain. I had bloodwork, iv's, vag exam and u/s (vag and abd) that night....and again i was all alone. I had to go back to the dr the next day...had a d&c two days later (on Jan 17th)

*just a little clarification...the u/s tech didn't see a baby. she saw a sac but no baby, doc later said that the baby stopped developing. SOOOOOO what i am kinda upset about is this...WHY did he tell me that the baby was fine the week before???? I was bout 10-11 weeks then! There should have been a heartbeat!!!!!! My doctor was so incompetent! i believe that i did not have a viable pregnancy when he told me i did! grrrrrr

And...i have gone to him for this pregnancy I really didn't want to, and i am switching doctors in november when my insurance finally takes effect. I just couldn't find a way to check on my baby except going to him w the insurance that i have now....and w/o waiting for 4-7 weeks! he did another 'quick' (like 10 second) scan, and said 'can't see much, which is what i was expecting. you're only 5 weeks'....so, y didn't he do it vaginally then??? i am on the heavy side, so i have lots of fat to look though anyway...but i am soooo nervous about losing this little one!

I am so scared this pregnancy I am not alone now, but the pain (emotional and physical) haunt me so much! I am afraid to look at the tp when i wipe becasue i don't want to see blood...and just a little while ago i started tightening in my abdomen (and i am afraid it is the contraction type thing that happened to me in Dec/Jan.

Can anyone give me some reassurance? I know I am supposed to not be stressed out b/c it is bad for the baby, but I am! I dont think I can let go of the fear until i see a beating heart!!!

[kellyanne]

Hi....Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you are changing docs, that one sounds quite incompetent. Everyone here can understand that "afraid to wipe and see blood feeling". Unfortunately, pregnancy after loss just isn't as carefree. While you are welcome here, I should let you know that there is a forum called Pregnancy after Loss, where all of the women are going through the same thing as you. You might want to check that out too. and I hope this pregnancy goes perfectly for you!

[Pitridge]

I'm sorry about your lost.
I don't want to be insensitive, so I'm sorry if I sound that way.....but you should post on PAL (pregnancy after lost), all of us on that board know exactly what you are going through and all the ladies there are wonderful, and very supportive. I encourage you to go there.

[~SaRa~]

oh, I'm sorry...i didn't see the other one. thanks for your help