I feel like I'm wasting my time TTC. I really want to have another baby. I want to have another little miracle. My daughter wants a sister or brother. I don't want her to be alone. But every month that passes by just tears me down a little bit more. How do you stay so optimistic? I can be optimistic for everyone!!!! But for myself, I haven't even Od yet and I really think that it wont happen this month either. And I'm terrified of having another miscarriage. I can't handle the pain. I don't know whether I should stop TTC, or if I should just stop focusing on the down side. I'm sorry if this post sounds so pessimistic, I just can't handle the ups and downs anymore. I know that you girls understand, but some people really don't. It tears me apart seeing the people around me, my friends and family all getting pregnant and having babies when I've been trying so hard for so long (25months) and all it has resulted in is miscarriages and a stillbirth. I can't seem to keep my head on level, and I'm worried that my stress will keep me from Oing and then that will be even more stress. I didn't know where else to post this.

[LifeToTheMax]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. TTC definitely has it's difficult times, especially after all you have been through. I agree, it can be so easy to be optimistic for everyone else, but completely negative and down when it comes to yourself. I have no advice, except to say that I'm optimistic for you and I'm crossing my fingers, hoping, and praying that you get the BFP and healthy baby you want soon!

Thanks. You are testing soon!!! I hope you get a bfp. Thanks for the hug.

[Buttercups]

You are not being too pessimistic. We all have our days! I have been just as despondent lately and have not been trying near as long as you have and have not suffered a stillbirth. You are one strong woman! And what is it with all these other pregnant women (not on JM of course, but in one's social circle)?? It's like they just crawl out of the woodwork and in your face! That's mean I guess (they can't help it they are pregnant and we aren't) but they sure do seem to multiply in numbers whenever you're TTC.

And I know what you mean about the stressing about stressing thing. It's a vicious cycle. I told DH the other day that I think he needs to send me on a spa vacation for my reproductive health! You can imagine what response that got!

I don't what else to say except hugs, prayers, and here's a suffocating amount of baby dust.

[kingdink]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, we all have our days. And you have been through so much, you have every right to feel the way you do. Do something for yourself, not only do you deserve it, you really do need it for your emotional and physical well-being. Sometimes it's hard to see, but tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities and you'll be one day closer to a super sticky BFP.

[KDD]

I'm sorry Lily Others really don't understand the pain of a loss do they? All I can say is to do what feels right for you.

I agree you are a very strong women.. Take care of yourself.. get out and do something for yourself to make you happy.. I really hope you get a bfp soon.. its hard waiting but i hope it goes quick for you.

[amy2008]

I completely agree this TTC journey can be a horrible cycle. We can have the highest highs (when we get the BFP) and the lowest lows imaginable (the loss of the baby). We have to be superwoman to even make it through some days. We put on these brave faces to our friends/family IRL and that sometimes just makes it worse. The good news is that we have each other here. Here, we can rant, despair, cry and say everything that is too hard to say to those we are closest to.

I am in the same place you are right now - 8 IUI's, 1 IVF resulting in 1 miscarriage and one tubal pregnancy and 6 BFN's. I feel that this will never happen. But that is today (ok - and yesterday and the day before that). I know I will feel differently in time. And that is one of the worst things about TTC - we can keep saying "next month"...

I agree with the other ladies about finding something for you that can take you away from the stress for just a bit each day - yoga, 5 minutes listening to your favorite songs, something. The stress sucks.

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time (and where do all these pg ladies come from during this????!!?? It is an epidemic, I swear )

But know you can always come here and we will do whatever we can to help - send hugs, just listen (ok, read)...most of all, I think we all "get it". And sometimes, that is the best medicine. Not feeling so alone. I know having these ladies to unburden myself to has helped me immensely. Now if only they could actually get us all pregnant, they would be true heros.

**HUGS*** You will figure out the right path for yourself - whether you continue or not. And heck, sometimes those decisions are made for you. How many times do we hear those horrible stories of women giving up then getting pregnant???

[AliciaF]