New and going trough a hard time.

Skimboardin Mama · #1 November 2nd, 2008, 09:02 PM

Aloha everyone.

I find myself here after a short time in the TTC#1 forum. I figure maybe I could get some support here.

Last Tuesday I took a HPT and got a BFP. The next day I had brown spotting almost slightly that night i took 2 HPTs and got BFNs! My symptoms seemed to be disappearing. On Thursday morning I tested again twice and got BFPs...

On friday morning after I wiped I noticed bright pink spots on the tissue. By 7:45 am it started flowing much more. I had no pain or cramping but was bleeding quite a bit.

I took a urine test and got a BFN at the hospital. They did a pelvic exam and found that my cervix was closed. The took blood and when the doctor got my Beta HCG results it was at 11 and I am finishing my fourth or in my 5th week so i was told it's a threatened miscarriage. They made it sound like they baby was already gone and that there was no hope and just kept telling me that I'm young and not to worry about it.

My hubby and I are devastated and we understand that my HCG level is far too low and that there is little hope for us this time. Tomorrow I head back to the doctor to get another blood test.

We've spent the weekend crying and being upset. It seems so unfair and its bad timing considering my bestfriend and my hubby's 2 bestfriends are having babies. Their pregnancies are unplanned and they were not even married which seems unfair because we've been planning for this baby and trying for a 2009 summer baby so that it did not interrupt my work schedule since I'm a teacher. So now we will have to wait until next year to try again.

What has gotten you all through your tough time?

..Jessica.. · #2 November 2nd, 2008, 09:08 PM

First of all, welcome to the board.

I'm so very sorry to hear of your threatened miscarriage!

What has gotten me through it? Knowing that the pain lessens, to be quite honest. You'll think about your Angel everyday, wonder what she/he would look like, sound like, smell like, feel like. Your due date will be hard, I found that after my due date things seemed to get easier. Almost like my baby was telling me that it was okay to move past him and focus on another baby.

You won't forget your Angel, and you won't replace him, ever.

heathernoell6 · #3 November 2nd, 2008, 09:14 PM

The first week is VERY difficult. You will get through this, especially if you have a strong bond with your dh. It is very hard, and I believe it is different for everyone. Please look here for any support you need.

Skimboardin Mama · #4 November 2nd, 2008, 09:24 PM

Sorry, I should have introduced myself. My name is Nancy and I'm 24 DH is Jeremy and he is 25. We are from CA and have only been TTC for the last 3 months.

So... I lost a close friend in June. I went to visit her at her grave and told her about us TTC.... this was before my BFP. DH and I have been having a rough weekend since we found out and yesterday her dad called me and said he found birthday cards that Vicky had gotten me but never filled out (since my birthday wasn't for over a month and a half)...

I have a feeling she just wanted me know that she's thinking of me because one of the cards was a "sister" card.... vicky always had a good way with words. At least I know my angel will have a big sister to look over them. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it.

..Jessica.. · #5 November 2nd, 2008, 10:27 PM

Welcome, formally, Nancy!

That's definitely her way of letting you know, she's up there watching over you and your family. And she's letting you know, not to worry, your baby will be taken care of by her!

starrsgirl · #6 November 4th, 2008, 08:45 PM

Nancy,

Honestly...what got me through....was this board. It sounds super cheesy but after my last loss, I just couldn't stop crying and crying. My DH is awesome but he isn't a big feelings talker. The fact that I could find some girlfriends who understood exactly what I was going through and who told me that is does get better in the future helped a lot. Also, just writing about my experience and putting it into words helped me so much.

It's such a sad thing...and it catches you so unexpectedly. One minute you are fine...the next in tears again. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there! We are all here for you.

madmum_sarah · #7 November 5th, 2008, 04:35 AM

oh nancy im so sorry

to be quite honest there is only 1 thing that has got me through my losses (3 this year) and that is this forum!
the ladies here are amazing and so supportive.
i really hope you feel at home here.
xx

Christine-MA · #8 November 5th, 2008, 05:14 AM

Hey Nancy,

Sorry I didn't notice this the other day, but we've chatted since.

~Lynda~ · #9 November 5th, 2008, 05:22 AM

HI Nancy,

to JM. I"m sorry you are experiencing a threatened m/c. when i lost my baby, talking to people here, who could totally relate to my loss, was very helpful in my healing! time will help you move forward. you will never forget your angel. it is difficult to have to wait to ttc, at least it was for me. the ONE cycle i had to sit out, was very hard. some people find that they don't want to ttc after their loss, but usually they return to trying. you just have to do what feels right for you!!!! crying too, is something that you have to do. mourning is an important process of the acceptance of the loss. I told myself that God needed my baby more in heaven than i did down here. we always look at it being a gift from God, so I look at it, as MY gift to God. And like you said, it more comforting to know that your angel is with others that have passed. let love guide you through this difficult time. HUGS

KDD · #10 November 5th, 2008, 06:52 AM

Hi Nancy,
We met over in TTC #1 and I was so upset to hear about your loss. I know that it will seem hard to believe right now, but in time the pain will lessen. Like others have said, it was the girls in this forum that helped me through the rough patches. Just knowing that others have been through the same experience has helped a lot.