[madmum_sarah]

mark came home last night
yeah i know, im still staying strong, dont worry!
he sat and spoke to me for 10 mins and i thought for sure it was over. i gave him the presents i got mark jr for xmas and he said i chose well, he will love them (pingu dvds and barney books)
anyway, he said he was going home cos he was shattered and then moved in to give me a hug and he said thanks again for helping him out yesterday.
i told him not to make it harder for me and thanks was enough, no need for hugs. i was strong!
BUT... he then lay next to me and just held me for a bit. i told him i couldnt handle all of this and he said "what, you expected me to come and see you and show no emotion at all"
i replied well you have been managing very well since the weekend apart from anger. he said he isnt going into it because he was too tired but we will talk tomorrow (today now) and that when he said he doesnt care, he didnt mean about me.
an hour later he went home. il be honest cos you will see anyway if you are stalking me, we dtd there wasnt much emotion in it for me, more satisfying an urge. yeah i know, i sound like a right slapper but i have needs that i know only he can satisfy! i made it clear to him thats all it was but not to think he can use me for that cos my urge is satisfied now.
anyway, i actually slept last night for a few hours which was fantastic! im still strong and determined that he wont get to my heart without some real effort and understanding but we will see what happens this weekend.
as you know, its been a very hard week so im not expecting this weekend to be any easier but hes here so i will be trying to spend the time with him so i know where i stand before i test on monday.

my temp went back up a little today which is really odd cos i had no heating on the spotting has stopped, im still feeling sick after drinking tea (the thought of coffee makes me sick though) and my boobs are still sore. cm is still there in abundance so who knows, maybe you girls keeping the hope for me will keep af away a little longer (still hoping it will be for 9 months cos i know if we are over then i can cope on my own anyway )
thanks for all the support through everything ladies. i will update when i can but right now i have to focus on maintaining my strength of mind and heart while talking to him.

to all who need it
xx

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

Good luck honey! I'm behind you whatever you decide to do. I hope you have a nice weekend.

[LifeToTheMax]

Good luck, Sarah! I hope you have an enlightening weekend and are at peace with whatever comes from it! AND I'm still hoping AF stays away from you for a long long time!!

[~Lynda~]

i will be thinking about you!!! G/L and HUGS

[madmum_sarah]

well so much for our talk!!!!!!! he has had to go into town today and has made plans for tonight. says we will talk on sunday when kids are away again.
the one thing he has said is he worded something wrong, its not that he doesnt know how he feels, he knows he loves me. he just doesnt think he can keep going through things the kids dad puts him through and off us what we need.
im hoping to prove him wrong and let him see we just want his commitment, love and understanding but that we also understand his commitment to his children will always come first, just as mine would for me!
oh its going to be a long weekend.
ah and everywhere i look im seeing adverts for sanitary protection, signs about pms and things like that, i dont think thats a good sign for me, normally its pregnant women i see when its my turn! darn it!
xx

[..Jessica..]

Good luck, Sarah. I hope you make the right choice! I hate seeing you in pain!

[Pitridge]

I don't know what to say about the whole Mark thing, so I'll just send you

[Wee3monkeys]

Sarah!! I don't even know what to say about Mark, so like Patty, I'll just make sure you know I'm here for your support, hun.

[Eleysia]

Sarah, just like everyone else, i just wanna see you happy sweetheart. If that means being with Mark, then im happy for you. Just like they all said also, dont give him the chance to hurt you Love you tons sweetheart.

[Sweetie Karen]

oh Sarah, what a nightmare!

I hope that you get to sort things at least on Sunday! Be strong either way and I am sending you lots and lots of dust!!

One, I hope you are pregnant. Two, whether you're with him or not, I'm glad you are being strong for yourself. And three, you need some this has been a hellish ordeal and I hope it all sorts out soon! KUP

[~Laurie~]

Sarah, I also am hoping you are pregnant. I want you to get everything in life that will make you happy!

[KDD]

Sarah, your chart looks good. Maybe you're seeing all the adverts now so you can laugh about them later?

I hope you have a good weekend and that you and Mark can have some good, sincere, and honest discussions. We are here if you need us.

[Mrs.Shirley]

GL working out with your s/o. I hope everything works out for the best...and of course I hope you are pregnant.

[madmum_sarah]

right now im not too fussed about mark. i would love to sort it out but i have something else on my mind. kimberly, maybe you were right
x