[Mellza]

So I dont know if I've touched on the subject. But I and my in-laws are not speaking terms. DH still sees them on occasion, but not very often. I dont know how to convey the magnitude of the situation in one post. I will boil it down to, lack of respect for myself and DH, smothering behavior, and an extreme communication dysfunction, coupled w/ passive aggressive behavior, extremely high expectations, family secrets/lies, drug addiction, ect. While Logan was sick, and then after his death, my in-laws, though trying to "help", hindered many steps along the way, making a painful process even more painful knowing they constantly had their "feelings" hurt or didnt feel included... After Logan's death, and my husband and I separated for a spell, I quit talking to my in-laws and cut off communication to them.
We live in Arkansas, and his parents live 10 minutes away. Their family is the 3rd generation, born and raised. So for their "clan" this is a BIG deal. At a time when you'd think I'd be supported and loved, I've been hurting in more ways then necessary. Never the less, I have done all I can do to even, at this point, make an effort to at least speak to one another, and perhaps every say "i'm sorry" and move forward. That has yet to be seen. So I released a statement today (because up until today I was not speaking on the matter to anyone, I figure that spreading information on this matter would only fuel the fire. However, I have been hearing for months and months how poorly my In-laws are speaking of me... ) So here it is:



Melly releases a statement...

Sidebar: I have no ill intentions behind this letters meaning. I have wrote it in a clam and peaceful state. There are no subliminal messages and very little interpretation should be made, aside from reading the words. I hope you can hear the somber voice that which I am writing this letter from. Regards, Mel

There are things about my personal life I wish not to disclose. However, over the last several months it has been brought to my attention, how my unwillingness to speak on a matter concerning that of my in-laws has caused others to make conclusions based of the information at hand.
Make no mistake, I empathize with my in-laws. Though the loss I experienced over the last year has kept me rather self-consumed, I am not so lost that I am unable to consider what it would be like to walk a mile in different shoes. So with that, their loss is incredibility large and I feel I have no illusions about how they must be suffering.
Their love and concern has not come into question; Evan and I know, undoubtedly that their love and affection is as most sincere and generous as one could be. What has come into question is the dynamics of the relationship, and more specifically the enmeshment.
I do not wish to argue my points; I do not wish to disclose the specifics of the turmoil that our family is now experiencing. However, I do want to make clear that the separation was not made out of pure hate or bitterness. That momentarily I have exhausted all my personal resources (emotional, mental and psychical) to mend this broken relationship. It should also be understood that my personal resources are lacking the reserve necessary to demonstrate affective reconciliation. I am momentarily by circumstance, lacking the tolerance needed to be a more reasonable woman. I do not live in denial about that.
The meaning of this statement is so that it is known, I am not denying my role, or ignoring the part I have played in the foursome that makes up this family dynamic. I am coming to terms with my shortcomings that have contributed to the mess that we are now facing. I have agreed that family counseling should take place. However, it has yet to be seen if this will actually happen.
There are reasons for the madness, there are reasons I stirred the pot, there are reasons for the separation and for that I make no apologies. For a time after my sons death, I made the choice to put my best interests first. What was intended to be a short separation turned into, what seems to be a war against hearsay.
I would encourage everyone who has become involved to take a back seat, and allow time to heal these wounds. The "opinions, the talks, the he said, she said, and I don't know who said it... " 's, is adding fuel to the fire and creating what should have been a small divide much larger.
The bottom line is, this situation involves four people that live in Northwest Arkansas. Whether or not the situation will be resolved is unclear, however if any wishes to positively contribute to the mending of that which is broken, please do so by observing silence on the matter. Your thoughts and prayers are of course, always welcomed.

[..Jessica..]

[KDD]

Very well said.