[~Laurie~]

My son when to a speech pathologist yesterday and she told me that she thought he was autistic. He has to be assessed by an autism 'team', consisting of a developmental pediatrician, occupational therapist, and a child psychologist (I think). It is after that assessment that he will be officially diagnosed. I cried all day yesterday, and I'm still crying today. It feels like I will be crying for the rest of my life. I love my little boy soooo much, and all I want is for him to have a good quality life. I look into his beautiful face and see his uncertain future, and I feel like my heart is tearing in two.
As for TTC, I am not sure if we should continue. If he is autistic (and there seems to be quite a few people that think he is), then the chance of reoccurrence can be as high as 10%. Add that to our increased risk of another stillbirth (since the cause was unknown), and it feels irresponsible to continue TTC. I honestly feel like giving up on life. If it wasn't for my son, I would lock myself in a room and stay there till the world ended. I feel so defeated by life. I look at everyone else that have families, and it so easy for everyone else, but so hard for us. I want to raise my kids, grow old, and then spoil my grandkids, but it is starting to look like that will never happen for me. Either way, I will still be here, even if I decide to give up on TTC.

[AliciaF]

I am so sorry. It is a choice only you and your husband can make. But if you look at the flipside there is a 90% chance a sibling wouldn't have autism.

[Jessica!]

I saw speech pathologist when I was younger and I didn't have autism. The world isn't over if your son is autistic. It is certainly a new chapter in your life, because you would have so much to learn every day.

I'm sure everything will be fine.

[AliciaF]

Oh, and if you're interested, I have 2 friends on other boards who have older autistic children and they're very involved and know a lot. I can get you their e-mail addy's if you'd like someone to talk to.

[huckleberry312]

Autism is not the end of the world. I know it seems like it now, but trust me autistic children can live a normal life. If your son has autism it sounds like it might be high functioning. I have a son who is high functioning autistic. He is in normal classes with no restrictions. He does have certain needs though...no loud noises, doesn't like big crowds, and he requires a lot of patience with discipline. He is my third out of 4. None of my other children are autistic. We have chosen not to do special ed or anything like that. His psychologist said the more normal we make his life the better chance he has of succeeding. He is now almost 8 and he is the most loving and smart child you could imagine. Did your son talk on time? Are his motor skills ok? I have been through this and if you need to talk PM me.

[Danielley08]

[Eleysia]

Laurie, Im sorry that life seems crappy right now. I know that there is alot of info out there about autism (if he has it) and very knowlegable people who can help you along this road. I hope that things will lighten up for you soon hunny
TTC is definatly you and your husbands choice, but I dont think the wanting another child is irresponsible. I think its natural to want another baby, and youre not hurting a child by having a loss, it isnt something you can control, it just isnt planned for you to have that baby. If you need to talk we are all here for you hunny.

[Mellza]

My son was severely delayed. I was told that he'd never talk, walk, eat and would always be in a wheelchair, would eventually be in a vegetative state and he was only 1 month old, on top of that we were told that we may not be able to produce a healthy child. Had he survived, that would of been a reality. My point is, that I know how it feels to be facing crushed dreams. My MIL has been a special ed pre-school teacher for 25 years. She specializes in Autism, she actually gives lectures on it. She has a lot of interesting theory's about what autism is, and how easily it is diagnosed. What I am saying is, your son may not have autism, but he might received that diagnosis because its a very broad and overused diagnosis. Even though I am not on good terms w/ my MIL, she is a miracle worker. I have seen her get kids to talk, eat, socialize, and be somewhat normal when everyone else had given up hope. There are very few kids that I have not seen her improve their lives in a big way. If he is diagnosed, it is going to take a while for that shock to set in. You don't have to know everything right now. Your plans don't have to made this instant. I am SO type-a, and I've realized that making plans isn't always best. I really hope its something mild, that can be treated by therapy, but if not please do not lose hope.

[Mommy0305]

Your son might not have autism at all! My oldest daughter who JUST turned 5 on Tuesday, was suspected of having autism when she was 2 and 3 years old (She has been getting speech therapy since she was
2 1/2 and she still does.

2 different experts have said she is NOT Autistic (and now that she is older CLEARLY is not). NOW her preschool teacher and her speech therapist are saying she might have ADD, so we're on to another thing here.... she's still too young to be officially diagnosed with ADD, so we'll see what the future holds.....

But my point is, everyone had her pegged as autistic (except for me and dh) and she was not, like my mother's intuition told me.

And even though my older daughter had a speech delay and might have add, my younger daughter has been talking since 8 months old, using full sentences by 1 1/2 and at 2 years she was fully conversational. So I wouldn't worry about it happening twice.

Sorry this was so long.

[~Lynda~]

HI hun, let me start off by giving you a big big hug

I know the news is very hard to deal with, but there are many different levels of autism. i have some very good friends whose son was diagnosed with autism and they completely changed his diet to a very healthy one enriched with fruits and lots of veggies. it was hard, cause he didn't want that kind of food. but it helped him immensely!!!! I thought I would mention it. He is a wonderful boy!!! I know right now you are trying to digest it all, but fact find first. Perhaps he isn't autistic at all??? find strength in yourself to help your son to your best ability!!!

I edited this to also tell you that my friends had two other children that were not autistic. Here is something I read that I totally love. hope you like it... makes me cry!
_________________________________________________

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. The child asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?" God replied, Among the many angels, I chose one for you. Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy." God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will fee your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?" God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?" God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.""I've heard that on Earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?" God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life." "But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore." God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"Her name is not important. You will simply call her Mom."

[..Red..]

My youngest step daughter was diagnosed with Autism around age 2.5. She immediately received services for Speech, Social Skills, Fine Motor skills, etc. She was sent to special preschool aimed at gearing her up to be able to start school. This was at age 3 I think? (I wasn't there so I am not sure). She was then placed in special day classes once she reached Kindergarten. In 2nd grade she started mainstreaming out to 1st grade for an hour a day... then up to 3 hours per day. In 3rd grade she started spending half the day in 2nd grade (especially math and science because she absolutely loves it). This year she was held back one year. She is now in 3rd grade MAINSTREAM 100% of the time, with some work with a resource person and extra guidance at recess.

At the end of 2nd grade, she was actually re-evaluated. She was determined to have Asperger's Syndrome. This is on the Austism Spectrum, but at the high functioning level. No matter what he is diagnosed as however, giving him the right services is the key.

Katelyn is not medicated. She is fun, and creative, and amazingly smart. She exhibits some form of echolalia (unfortunately it tends to be Spongebob) and can recite full episodes of shows and books. She has intense memorization skills and her understanding of complex situations is amazing. What she tends to have a problem with: social skills, eye contact, and controlling her frustrations. But she learns. Its sometimes slow, but it is amazing what she has done. She has gone from hitting and biting on a daily basis to recognizing when she's frustrating and asking for help.

Oh by the way, her older sister (17 months apart) is not autistic. She is super bright like her sister, so I guess that part is genetic.

[Enchanted Mumma]

I just wanted to send some your way Laurie.

[~Laurie~]

Thank-you so much, everyone. I have had a few days to get over the shock a bit, and I am now firmly in fighting mode. I appreciate everything you've all said, and I am very interested in speaking to anyone that can relate or help me inform myself. If Connor is autistic, I would say that he is very high functioning. He seemed to show more symptoms a year ago than he does now, which doesn't make a lot of sense from everything I've read. He has no problem with crowds or changes to his routine. He loves going out and often throws tantrums about coming home. He looks at us (his eye contact was poor, but has increased dramatically since starting school), and answers us when we say his name. Sometimes it seems like he is ignoring me, but if I say "Connor, come here or I will take the toy away" he says "No!" and comes to me. That (to me) shows that he is attending to us, but that he just wants to do his own thing. He loves watching and playing with other children, but he doesn't say "Let's play cars" or "Come and play hide and seek!". He goes along with whatever they are doing. He gets excited about seeing people (his cousin, Jessie, is his favourite person), and he is big with the hugs and affection. He will walk up to us and say that he wants a big hug, then he hugs us and says "Squeeze!". Sometimes he puts his head on my shoulder and says "Awww, Mommy. I love you" as he pats my back. He can follow three part commands ("put the blocks away, wash your hands, and then you may have an applesauce"), but can't answer questions like "What are the names of the other kids in your class?". His motor skills seem fine. His biggest 'symptom' is echolalia. He repeats what he sees on TV all the time, and he will often just say the last thing you say when you ask him a question. If I say "Do you want a juice?", he often says "Juice!", but that's improving since we started answering with "Is that a yes or no?". He doesn't throw a lot of tantrums, he has no sleep troubles, and he has no abusive behavior. He used to walk on his tip toes, but that has almost stopped completely. I just don't know what to think. I've read that each child/case is different, but aside from his language troubles, he doesn't seem to fit any of the profiles. The funny thing is, he had more 'symptoms' a year ago than he does now, but he wouldn't simply improve without us doing anything to help it, would he?
As I've said, I threw myself a pity-party, but it's over. There is no point in wallowing, and I always feel better when I am controlling the situation so I've started to research and make plans. My husband and I are going to try a gluten and casein free diet (he's at the grocery store as I type this), and continue to work on his language skills. I have a doctor's appointment in a little more than a week, and I am going to ask him to refer me to a DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) doctor so we can start testing. My husband and I talked about our TTC plans, and we've decided to continue TTC. We are (and plan to continue) researching what we can do during pregnancy and infancy to prevent a reoccurrence. The first thing I will do is question any large antibiotic treatments they want to give my child. Connor was on large antibiotic dosages the first week of his life because I was running a fever during delivery (which is why I had an emergency c-section), and there have been links between antibiotics and autism. I'm not saying I will deny my child necessary treatment, but I will be more informed and ask more questions. I will certainly be investigating and possibly reevaluating vaccines and vaccine schedules. I am certainly not an expert on autism, but I fully plan to become one. I will be getting back to you girls about your offers of help via pm and email. I am very interested in talking to people with first hand experience. Again, thanks to all of you that responded. There aren't words for how much your support and friendship means to me. Sorry, this was a super long post!

[..Jessica..]

Sending you tons and tons of Laurie!!!!

[mom2njia]

My son is eight and has autism. I also have 2 normal children that were born after him. My son didnt follow the "normal" pattern for autism either. At 2-3 he was a little behind and had a few odd behaviors but was pretty normal but by 4 he was much more delayed and actually regressed. And now at 8 he is severly academically delayed, speech delayed, and has some issues with crowds and people touching him. BUT he is a happy, loving little boy who finds joy in almost anything. He LOVES his brothers. And I have read and seen myself that children with autism who have siblings benefits from them! Noah barely talked until Jordan came along. So go ahead and TTC even if he is autistic. Does he stim at all?? Like hand flapping? Noahs tip toe walking has come and gone and come back again, so has the flapping, he rocks almost all the time though.
I wish you the best of luck! Stay in fight mode, you have to be his champion. I know some that the GFCF diet helped but just as many that is didnt. What I have learned is do what ever works for him!
But hopefully their hunch is wrong and he is a normal kiddo!

[ftnjn]

I felt like you when my son was diagnosed last year. I didn't want to have another child but here I am. The differance is I have two sons, the oldest has High Functioning Autism and the youngest doesn't. I love my son with all my heart and wouldn't change him for anything because he's who he is.

Take it one day at a time because the journey isn't easy and you will grieve not because of your son but because of your dreams for your son. I relalized that my son is smart, loving, independent, he just has quirks.LOL
He hates for his schedule to be changed, he doesn't like most people, he doesn't like loud noises, but he loves to give his family hugs, kisses, talk to us, he loves tractors, and adjusted easy to school.

Take your time with giving up on another child. I don't think my son would be where he's at now without his brother.

[heathernoell6]

Laurie, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. My daughters were both diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis(NF), when they were 3yrs and 6mos old. What info I could find scared me to death. I would go out of the house and cry every time I saw people with healthy children. However, I eventually came to and realized that it was not the end of the world. My grandmother reminded me that God only gives us the challenges that we are strong enough to handle. Stay strong, and if you need anything, I am always here.

[Eleysia]

Laurie, I just wanted to give you a few extra . This is exactly what I meant by you being an excellent mommy

[~Lynda~]

way to go girl!!! glad you're in fighting mode!! KUP please!

[~Laurie~]

Well, we went to see the occupational therapist today, and she didn't have any concerns about Connor's progress. When we went in, he said "Hi!", and she said "Hi! You must be Connor", and he said "Yep. How are you?". He was bang on where he should be for everything (a little ahead on some things), and he interacted with both the therapist and myself for the entire session. He played with the cars (vroom-vroom noises and all), and he asked to play with other toys and for help if he needed it. He had no trouble answering questions, including pointing at things, etc. At the end, he even hugged and kissed the therapist good-bye. This unofficial diagnosis just doesn't seem to fit to me, but I'm not an expert, so I don't know. The gluten and casein free diet is proving difficult. It excludes most of what he eats! I don't want to be denying him all of his favourite foods if I am way off-base. I am so confused.