[taatie10]

Well my Dh has changed his mind and wants to wait possibly a year or longer before we TTC. It was heart breaking to me, considering its been taking all I can to make it the 6 months, which only has 3 to go now.
We just dropped the conversation because we were headed for a fight so it was never really decided or resolved. Which might be worse for me. DH just doesnt understnad why I want kids so bad so soon.
I dont even have an answer for that question. It just hurts more when he asks that.

So I have that to deal with along with this being when I should know what my lost baby would have been. I feel so cruddy. I dont even feel like myself right now.

[heathernoell6]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Men are so different. What they feel and go through to heal is as difficult as us, except they can not show it, because they are supposed to be the strong one. Think about that and take it with you to your next conversation with him. Explain that you have done all the research and know that your chances are VERY good. I wish you all the luck in the world.

One other thing. Be prepared to have your feelings hurt unintentionally(sp). About 3 wks after our loss, I was drinking to cope. Then, one day I said to Nelson...I am hurting so bad. He replied "it is over with, let it be." I cried for days. He finally apologized, and I understood. It was the only way he knew how to deal with it. Please be patient and talk to each other...this is LIFE CHANGING.

[taatie10]

Well I have already gotten the unintentional hurt feelings. It seems that he doesnt want me to think or mention the baby.
Now it just seems he has done a 180 from where he was after the loss back to his not wanting kids now or for a while. He seriouslly doesnt see why people want kids so bad.
He always sees the bad, the misbehaving kids in the store, the crying baby. Never anything good about it.
I wonder if he will ever want kids. I thought that before we got pregnant but then he started to change his thinking.

I dont even want to talk about it with ihim because I just get upset and last time I cried because it was like he said what I wanted to hear then and now its "oh I didnt know that was a hard date"

[Pitridge]

What exactly is his reason for wanting to wait a year? I would understand if the timing is not right now because of work or money or family problem, but both of you would be in agreement with that, so I get the feeling that it's something else.
Yeah, I had my feelings hurt by dh and his comments after the lost, I know he did not mean it but I don't think that they think about things when they say them.
You said that you don't know how to answer the question about why you want kids so bad....I can't answer that for you, but I'm pretty sure it's because you want to start a family, I also think that the lost of the baby makes us want a baby, it's not to compesate for our lost, but you are trying to fill out that empty space, it's not something that dh can fill out, it's not something that a awesome vacation can do.
I was one of those that was not in a hurry to want have kids, heck I hate kids, other people's kids that is. But I soon realize that I wanted a family, something more than dh and furball dog, we are not getting any younger, and life is not getting any longer either and you don't know what's going to happen later in life, so why wait? Live in the moment, right?

[..Jessica..]

I'm sorry Katie!!!!

Give Tim a few days and sit down and tell him how you feel. Even if it's a fight, he needs to know why you want a baby so bad. It will come out when he asks you, and he deserves to know. Your heart breaks because you want a baby so bad! And what's the big deal in getting pregnant now, than in a year?

[taatie10]

What exactly is his reason for wanting to wait a year? I would understand if the timing is not right now because of work or money or family problem, but both of you would be in agreement with that, so I get the feeling that it's something else.
Yeah, I had my feelings hurt by dh and his comments after the lost, I know he did not mean it but I don't think that they think about things when they say them.
You said that you don't know how to answer the question about why you want kids so bad....I can't answer that for you, but I'm pretty sure it's because you want to start a family, I also think that the lost of the baby makes us want a baby, it's not to compesate for our lost, but you are trying to fill out that empty space, it's not something that dh can fill out, it's not something that a awesome vacation can do.
I was one of those that was not in a hurry to want have kids, heck I hate kids, other people's kids that is. But I soon realize that I wanted a family, something more than dh and furball dog, we are not getting any younger, and life is not getting any longer either and you don't know what's going to happen later in life, so why wait? Live in the moment, right?[/b]

He doesnt want kids yet. He wants to be able to do things I assume. I'm not even sure.
Its not because of work or money as to waiting. He just wants to wait. That is what makes we wonder if he will ever want to sometimes.

I know that I want to me a mom, I have always wanted to be. For as long as I can remember, and having my loss just made it even more so.
Very Ture I'm not trying to replace that baby. Nothing can fill the hole that now is in my heart but it might become smaller with another baby because then I wont miss the other so much.
My husband is afraid that everything will become about the baby and nothing about him. I swear sometimes her has his head stuck in the sand.

[..Red..]

I know that my DH was very scared. He said and did things that made me sad, but it was all because he was so afraid for me. Finally we had a big fight and lots of tears on both sides and he finally admitted to what it was.

In the same vein, you both look very young. Maybe he just wants to spend more time with you, loving you, not worrying about you? I don't know, but it won't solve anything just being mad avoiding the elephant in the room.

Good luck!

[heathernoell6]

He doesnt want kids yet. He wants to be able to do things I assume. I'm not even sure.
Its not because of work or money as to waiting. He just wants to wait. That is what makes we wonder if he will ever want to sometimes.

I know that I want to me a mom, I have always wanted to be. For as long as I can remember, and having my loss just made it even more so.
Very Ture I'm not trying to replace that baby. Nothing can fill the hole that now is in my heart but it might become smaller with another baby because then I wont miss the other so much.
My husband is afraid that everything will become about the baby and nothing about him. I swear sometimes her has his head stuck in the sand.
[/b]

Believe it or not, the last sentence in your post is right on. Men are like children, in that they are terrified of losing their wives to a new baby, almost like older sibling with a new baby. It is a VERY normal thing for them to feel. Try to understand him...Another thing, I noticed you said something about him not understanding why you wanted a baby so soon. It looks to me that you have been married 2 and a half years. I wanted a baby our wedding night Tell him it is not to soon. Once we take that step to marriage, children (family) is the next step, so you two HAVE to sit down and talk (and\or fight) it out to decide where you both stand. I wish you luck, and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.

[Momeejenjen]

Men seriously have NO clue as to how woman cope with a loss, and how their yearning for a child works... even my DH, who I consider to be VERY compassionate and understanding, didn't understand. He had asked that we wait about 6 months when we lost ashton... after I sat with him and talked and explained that "I can't fit into words how my heart is yearning for a baby, to make him a daddy, to see the expression on his face when he holds his first born in his arms." He told me he was scared of seeing me go through all that pain again (I had a HORRIBLE miscarriage experience... 4 hours of extreme bleeding and contractions leading to a trip to the ER) He said it hurt him so much to see me go through so much pain... and of course he was so sad about losing the baby too... he cried just as much as I did, only he tried to hide it.

I had to explain to him that I would go through that as much as I needed to get to the end result..... the reward is beyond compare.

After my little explaination, he understood and has agreed to TTC immediatly. DH and I have AMAZING communication, I give a lot of that credit to premarital counciling and us being so much a like... but I say write down what you want to say, read it over and over again... see if it even makes sense to you, make sure you stay on topic... don't bring up the past, don't bring up mistakes he's made.. but tell him EXTACTLY how you feel about this baby, and explain to him every little detail.... Leave out any triggers that may upset him...

Good luck sweety!

[Pitridge]

Katie, We got married a a month before you guys did and we started trying about a year later. I understand that he might want to do things, like travel before having kids. Having kids is not the end of the world, is taking me a long time to put that through dh head. He thinks that once this baby is born that's life, that's life in prision and it's not, you can do so much still. About him being afraid that he will became second to the baby, well in some way he will, theh baby has needs that need to be met right away, but I don't think it's the end of your relationship, you have to make time for him as much as he has to make time for you and the more help he is willing you give you with the baby the more time the two of you will have for each other.