What have I done???

heathernoell6 · #1 December 3rd, 2008, 03:13 AM

So, as much as I like it that it looks like all of us have the perfect life on line...Here comes my reality check. I have been really feeling like ###### since my loss. I have been drinking a little more than usual and very cranky...to everyone. Well, I guess, last night Nelson had enough. We are in a huge fight, and both too bull headed to back down. I will see what today and tomorrow bring, but I think I have really ruined it. Pray for me please. I am normally a very agreeable non-confrontational type person. I love him. I hope I haven't lost him. Sorry to unload on you, but I am dying here. Help, give me some girlie things that melt them and work.

UPDATE

Ladies, thank you for all of your advice. He ended up showing up at my work later in the day. I work in a restaurant, and it was very slow. We sat and talked for over and hour and got a lot of things out in the open. We are maybe (if possible) a little better than before because of it. I made some mistakes and so did he, so we just needed to get it all out there. Again, thank you so much for everything. I don't know what I would do if it weren't for you guys.

madmum_sarah · #2 December 3rd, 2008, 04:23 AM

oh sweetheart!!!

i think we all feel like that to some extent after loss. i remember having a huge row with mark and telling him to go back to his ex who could give him a child!

all i can suggest hun is trying not to drink (will only aggrivate things in the end) and talk to him about how you feel. i know its hard but sometimes you have to admit when something is wrong and explain it!
i hope and pray things settle down for you soon hun and that DH listens and understands.

xxx

Momeejenjen · #3 December 3rd, 2008, 04:59 AM

awww I am so sorry hun!

Keep your head up, just explain to him (calmly) what has been going through your mind!

Sarah had some fitting advice, So I will just say you are in my T&P! ((HUGS))

azura24 · #4 December 3rd, 2008, 05:26 AM

Im sooo sorry you are going through this! After my loss in 2002, I ended up getting the cops called on me for some domestic issues with my ex. No one is perfect here, I definately know that...Each and every one of us have an effed up part of our lives. Drinking is definately not the answer(which Im sure you already know) and like sarah said, it will only aggrevate the situation. Let time heal whats been done and then take it from there. As for the whole girly advise, Im a very pig headed and stubborn person as well, but in the event if me and DF "got into it really bad" I force myself in a text to say I'm sorry, I love you and go on to say nice things. I do FORCE myself to do it and its always in a TEXT lol. As hard as it is, whatever was said or done, he needs to know you love him right now if you are truly afraid of losing him. You are going through one of lifes crapiest parts but remember how good it is too. Dont mask anything just allow yourself to see the whole picture and try to think about HIS feelings too, as hard as that is. I hope I've helped a little. I really dont like anyone to feel bad, I know how much it hurts. Good luck girl, KUP!

..Jessica.. · #5 December 3rd, 2008, 05:41 AM

Awe Heather!!!!

I'm sorry girl!!!! I agree with the other girls, drinking is definitely not the answer...but you know that already. I second Amber on the text thing. Whenever Diego and I get into it, I always send him something cute the next day in text. I hate admitting I'm wrong, but it has to happen.

Let us know how it goes!

MountainMomma · #6 December 3rd, 2008, 06:10 AM

The other girls have given you some great advice. You'll be in my prayers.

Danielley08 · #7 December 3rd, 2008, 06:25 AM

The number one thing Dustin and I have learned in counseling is to sit down...take turns talking...and BE REAL...be completely open and honest with EXACTLY how you are feeling...you can't blame each other for any of this...

I really hope you guys can work this out...

kingdink · #8 December 3rd, 2008, 07:47 AM

I agree with everyone else. I hope you can get things worked out soon, it's just one of those times that can really test your relationship. Don't let the negativity win!

Wee3monkeys · #9 December 3rd, 2008, 08:38 AM

Heather!!! I agree with the other gals, they had some great thoughts on working things out. You are in my thoughts, hun!

Pitridge · #10 December 3rd, 2008, 08:46 AM

Ohhh heather, I'm sorry you are going through this.....the girls have giving you great advise. From experience with dh drinking is not the solution is ends up causing more problems. It's a short term solution and that's not want to you. Seat and talk to him, tell him what's been on your mind.

~Lynda~ · #11 December 3rd, 2008, 12:50 PM

you can definitely fix this girl!!! i agree with the others, sit down and talk from your soul!!! he'll understand!!! best of luck, and do it soon!!!! it's too important! G/L

BellaBellski · #12 December 3rd, 2008, 01:57 PM

Oh Hun, those feelings are completely Normal!! For the first month - 2 months I was very short/angry/snappy with EVERYONE for ANY reason. I was a major B-I-T.. you know where that's going. Just try to explain to him that you don't mean it when you lash out - that you are just sad and angry and it's not HIM - it's the loss. And it's really hard for you to control when you Lash out so you need him to just take a minute and remind himself that it's not HIM it's just that you are really angry about life right now - which is Totally Ok and he needs to try and stay calm to be supportive. My poor DF has had a many verbal lashings for no reason, but he understood that I wasn't really Angry with Him... I was just Angry. I've always apologized and reinforced that I just snap sometimes and I don't mean it at all, I love him very much, I'm just really angry and sad and working on fixing it but until then I just need him to stay calm and remember that I don't mean it and really I just need a hug.

Good Luck, Hun!! and Like the other girls said.... drinking only makes things worse.