[Momeejenjen]

I have been FINE for a whole month, I have managed to hold back the tears and just be fine.. but today, I guess my strength faultered. I am so frustrated with my body... today I would have been 18 weeks pregnant, I had planned on scheduling my Gender Ultrasound this week so that we could announce to everyone the gender at Christmas.

I'm just so angry today, I'm supposed to be feeling my sweet angel kick and move around inside my womb... instead my womb is empty, and my heart is hurting... I don't know why today is so hard compared to all the others...

DH and I want a baby so badly... My body is acting all funny! I have yet to Ovulate since the miscarriage.. I know it hasn't been even 2 months yet, but I would feel better if I knew I was ovulating.

Yesterday I came across Ashton's Ultrasound picture from 9 weeks.... he looked SO perfect on the ultrasound you could make out little details of his fingers... I was so happy the day of that ultrasound, his heart beat was music to my ears at 177bpm... however, I took for granted that moment, I assumed nothing could go wrong. I just wish I had more answers.

It doesn't help having to go shopping for Christmas and baby stuff EVERYWHERE...

Ugh sorry to be Debby Downer girls, I'm just having such a rough day.

I need to stop comparing myself to other people around me... an ex-co worker of mine was 2 weeks behind me pregnant.... she has no health insurance, she married some guy off myspace after having known him for a month, he doesn't even live with her, he has no job, CPS has investigated her many times for having unlivable conditions in her home (her home is NASTY... open trashbags spilled onto the floors, dog feces everywhere, week old food all over the floor) She works for minimum wage.. she has two children that she doesn't even care for now...

I know I need to stop.. I am beating myself up! Everything else is going so good in my life, we just bought a beautiful home, I have a wonderful job, Dh has a wonderful job, my children are doing AMAZING and growing up WAY to fast, I am madly in love with my DH as he is madly in love with me... I am so blessed by him... I could not have DREAMED of a better man, he is so perfect. Our families both are amazing, my MIL and SILs were so beside themselves about my pregnancy with Ashton... his mother screamed in excitement when we told her we were expecting him. She was talking about wanting to move closer so she could come over more and help with the baby (she only lives an hour away now!) Even my mother was excited about the new baby (the same mother who told me 2 was enough LOL)
Dh and I are healthy and take good care of ourselves... ugh.. okay I'm done now... life just isn't fair sometimes I guess.

I am going to be a horrible nervous wreck when/if I get pregnant again.

Sorry again girls.. just having a rough day.

[Wee3monkeys]

Jennifer!!! It's Ok to have those days, hun! I'm terribly sorry for the hurt you are going through!

[kingdink]

I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. You be as Debby Downerish as you like, that's what this board is for, IMO, sharing the good times and the times that aren't so good. Sometimes you just need to get it out and we're here for you through all of it. I hope tomorrow puts a smile on your face

[klt]

Jennifer. I'm sending big hugs your way! I am so sorry you're having such a cruddy day. I think the holidays make it worse. Not because you don't realize what you have, but because you ache for the baby you should be having. And, it hurts... a lot! I wish I had the right thing to say...

Just know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that things get better soon. I hope your cycle gets back to normal soon so that you and that wonderful DH of yours can TTC! 2009 is just ahead of us. I hope it brings you a beautiful new little miracle. Heck, I'm hoping it brings us ALL beautiful new little miracles.

You can be Debby Downer whenever you want... I think you're saying things that are really similar to what many of us are feeling.

Take care.
Kelty

[.kristen.]

I'm so sorry Jennifer. Great big I am right there with you though! I will be thinking and praying for you!

[..Jessica..]

I'm sorry Jennifer!!!

[katiegirl]

Jennifer I am so sorry that you are having a tough day. We all have those!

[heathernoell6]

We all have had these kind of days. I am so sorry. I hope you start feeling better. Don't ever feel bad about sharing your bad days. We are here for the good and the bad. That's what friends are for.

[..Red..]

We all have/had those days where nothing seems to go right and everything sets us off. These are the days we never seem to have enough kleenex, our wonderful DH's/DF's/etc might not be able to say anything right, and we are PO'd because some woman who shouldn't have any more kids is pregnant and has too many already is walking down the street, sharing a cubicle, or otherwise got in our visual range. You beat yourself up because no matter how impossible, we blame ourselves for the "untimely demise" as OB staff are wont to say. Its understandable. We know! Unfortunately we all know here. And it's totally fine.