hi agian (to the few if any who were here months ago!)
I'm cheryl. My DH is Rob, and I've lost 4 babies. I miss them always- it's as if my heart is broken and a part is missing. I had a corrective surgery to fix my uterus and am now dealing with infertility after recurrent loss.
I pray that my problems have been solved by the surgery my RE did, but I am so full of fear that there will be something else... that maybe I won't be able to get pregnant- or worse- that I'll loose another baby.
We've been TTC since this time last year, and 2 of my losses were in that time period.
I want to trust my body- that is what I teach in my job, but I'm not quite able to do it sometimes. I go from total confidence and trust in myself to fear and doubt and sometimes even self-hate over my body being so F'd up.
This is hard to write....
It's been a long, hard journey, and I've felt very alone for most of it. DH supports me, and so do some friends, but no one *really* wants to talk about a miscarriage, and especially multiple miscarriages. I always feel like people just want me to shut up about it, ya know, and go on with normallicy.... plus, my DH doesn't really understand- he wasn't bonded to the babies at all... so it's different for him. I felt them, and I saw their bodies, and I held them in my hands when my body rejected them. Each one of my angel babies is so special and individual to me, and I often feel as a failure as a woman, mother and a wife.
I'm feeling like I don't want any MA (medical assistance) to get pregnant, so we've decided to TTC till april on our own. We're going to start certain herbal/natural remedies soon as well, probably this coming week I'll go to the health food store to buy what we need. I've done accupuncture before, and will start that agian in the new year, as well as doing some abdominal massage techniques. I'm trying positive visualization, and am also doing low pressure charting. We're DTD every 36ish hours....
I'm hoping ot get pregnant soon, but I know there will be much more worry after that... I don't think I'll feel ok will 11 weeks, my latest loss was twins at 10w4d... At the same time I'm not going to get U/S or bloodwork- I know it'll only make me obsess more and I don't want to expose the waves to myself or my child. I'm not even sure 11 weeks will make me feel ok... but it'll certainly be better!
so... now about the other parts of me.... I'm a birth Doula and a Student midwife. I'm planning a homebirth for myself G-d willing I stay low enough risk, and would especially love to have my baby outside if the weather/time works out. most of my doula work is in the hospital though, so I'm comfortable with all birth places, and would be more then happy to answer any pregnacy/birth/early PP questions from the POV of a professional.
We're buying our first house, and I'm excitedly planning my garden. We're also going to get a half dozen of egg laying chickens
I'm so happy to get to decorate it! our expected close date is 1/9, so hopefully we'll be able to make that work.
I love crafts and to make things myself. I'm a from scratch kinda gal. I'm jewish. I'm very green and very AP. Rob calls me a hippy. I have a few special and close friends IRL, and loads of online pals. We'ld like a big family, but G-d will decide. At this point I don't want to do IUI or IVF, so we may look into adoption if it comes to that, although I could change my mind... I'ld like to foster, but DH isn't sure yet. We'll see. I make jewelry, sew, knit, and do loads of other crafts..... I especially love to cook, and am SO excited for my HUGE new kitchen.
so... in a nutshell that is me. I look forward to getting to know you all, but hope my stay here is short. Kudos to you if you read all of that!
JustMommies Message Boards
» Trying to Conceive and Family Planning
» Trying to Conceive after Loss
»
Don't know if anyone remembers me....
I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through, more than any woman should have to. 
I truly hope you get your sticky BFP very, very soon. Of course, then you'll need to buy more chickens. 
G/L to you and you DH on your journey and I'm looking forward to seeing you around!
]
They love us dearly, but it is not the same for them. I look forward to getting to know you. I hope that even when you get your bfp that you stick around. Welcome back.
Linear Mode
