Ok, so I posted how I am conflicted about whether or not to TTC. So I was all prepared to put it on hold indefinitely and then read an article about the cost of raising a baby and how it's not as much as most think and then they said something about...if you hold off on a baby for financial reasons you might be holding off forever. So my O day is next week and I'm second guessing my decision. I think this will be another spur of the moment thing, but i might try and tell DH and see what he thinks. Oh gosh, I'm just nervous and scared to have 2 I think LOL. More to come...

[DoulaMama]

I feel a lot of sympathy for how you're feeling, it really sucks! I was so back and forth for a while, but once I decided that all those little things that could get in the way wouldn't stop me, and that we'd TTC regardless, I feel so much better! I hope clairity comes to you.

[Christine-MA]

First of all....I love your new siggy!!

Second....I don't know what to tell you LOL Just when I think I know what you want, I realize how can I know what you want when you don't know what you want?

I agree though that financial reasons could make you hold off forever. There is always going to be something. You could pay off one thing, and think "well let me pay a couple extra mortgage payments"...and after you do then, then "wait until my car is paid off"...then something else. I am NOT one to condone TTC before someone is financially ready, but I don't think you're struggling, I just think you realize the things you could do with only one that might be a little less than if you have another. So those are pros and cons you have to weigh. And I know you go back and forth with them all!

[Eleysia]

Jenn, youre cracking me up girl. Im not laughing at you, just at the fact that youre living all of our fears right now. It makes me feel better everytime I see that Im not the only one who went through this. I look for your updates to see if we are both equally indecisive. I think (and I know youve tried this already) what did it for me was that I knew deep down I wanted 1 more kid at least, so that made my fears of what if.. easier to deal with. Ill be waiting on your decision!!!!!

I know I must seem like a head case right now, and quite frankly I think I am one these days LOL. I am so indecisive and it's so not like me. Typically, I get something in my mind and I go for it until I get it. DH is equally as undecisive, which makes it even more difficult to commit to a decision. Christine- I think you have me pegged girl LOL.

Everytime we've TTC it's been a "Hey, want to try it this month?" or "let's not try this time" type thing. Like we will skip a month here and there because we change our minds. I think there will always be something telling us one way or the other. I did just give all the baby stuff I had left to my SIL for my niece who is coming next month LOL. I guess we'll just go with the flow and see how we feel next week when it's time.

It helps me to write it down here, and mull it over and see what others think or say. I know I'm way over thinking it, but that's just me. Thanks ladies!

ETA: Thanks for the compliments on my siggy. Lexsmama made it and I just love it!

[..Red..]

It definitely doesn't hurt to feel ready, but if you are at that point that maybe you will never feel ready, you have to decide if you feel ready enough. We struggle a bit, but only because I took a pay cut last year to have better insurance and we like to eat out a lot. These are things that we are working on. It doesn't keep us from being able to do it, just means we have to be more aware of what we are doing. Or I get a better job. Either way, it's now or later. I'd prefer not later because Hannah will already be 11 years older than their baby sibling. Wow!

[tobynscarlett]

I think deep down your heart knows what you want- it is your mind rationalizing things that confuses you. When I have a difficult decision to make I have a "trick". I go to a quiet place where I can be alone for a few minutes (even the bathroom will work) then I put all rational thoughts out of my head. I focus on one possible outcome at a time (in your case it would be having a baby or not having a baby). I don't allow myself to feel any emotions about anything else (money, other people, etc.) I just imagine one outcome. Then I open my eyes for a few seconds, close them again and think about the alternate. Everytime I just feel a peace in my heart about what I should do, the outcome that makes me feel the most relaxed and the most peaceful is the one I pursue. I have to tell you- EVERYTIME I have done this I have never been disappointed in my decision. I have used this method regarding jobs, major purchases and even YES... having children. Maybe this would help you, it doesn't cost anything but a few minutes of your time and it could give you real insight into what your heart wants. I really hope this helps. Like I said, it has always worked for me. Also, even if you wait until after you win the lottery to have children, there is nothing to guarantee that money will be there for the next 18-22 years of their life. There will always be financial ups and downs. I recently read on another post where a lady said "You will never regret having more children, but you MAY regret not having more"!!! That says it all to me!!! Please keep us posted!!!!

I think deep down your heart knows what you want- it is your mind rationalizing things that confuses you. When I have a difficult decision to make I have a "trick". I go to a quiet place where I can be alone for a few minutes (even the bathroom will work) then I put all rational thoughts out of my head. I focus on one possible outcome at a time (in your case it would be having a baby or not having a baby). I don't allow myself to feel any emotions about anything else (money, other people, etc.) I just imagine one outcome. Then I open my eyes for a few seconds, close them again and think about the alternate. Everytime I just feel a peace in my heart about what I should do, the outcome that makes me feel the most relaxed and the most peaceful is the one I pursue. I have to tell you- EVERYTIME I have done this I have never been disappointed in my decision. I have used this method regarding jobs, major purchases and even YES... having children. Maybe this would help you, it doesn't cost anything but a few minutes of your time and it could give you real insight into what your heart wants. I really hope this helps. Like I said, it has always worked for me. Also, even if you wait until after you win the lottery to have children, there is nothing to guarantee that money will be there for the next 18-22 years of their life. There will always be financial ups and downs. I recently read on another post where a lady said "You will never regret having more children, but you MAY regret not having more"!!! That says it all to me!!! Please keep us posted!!!![/b]

I like your advice and I am definitely going to try it tonight. and also talk to DH about it and see how he really feels too. That quote you posted might have been from one of my posts, lol. I had posted about a year ago about not sure if we should try again, and someone (I wish I remembered who) posted that exact senitment and it still resinates with me. Thanks!

[..Jessica..]

Seems like the ladies covered all the bases possible Jenn!

I agree with you though...waiting to be financially stable for a baby could be a very long wait!

[tobynscarlett]

Be sure to ask your DH to try thinking of it the way I suggested. I have asked my husband to do this before and the decision was much more clear to him---- and he is VERY indecisive!!! He can talk himself out of parking the car!!! LOL!!! Good luck and I would love to know what you decide.


P.S. I have two living children (2 1/2 and 1 1/2) AND 2 stepchildren (12 and 8), they can be a handfull but at the end of the day I couldn't imagine not having them. Two is a lot of work but you will get out more than you will ever put into it!!! Good Luck.