Finally decided to join

ANDREA717 · #1 January 19th, 2009, 11:28 AM

Hi everybody. I have been reading posts for the past few days and finally decided to join. Here is my story.....my husband and I were married 6/21/08, second marriages for both of us. He has 2 children and I have 1. We are absolutely each others best friends and soul mates. We couldn't wait to ttc and after 4 months of being off the pill we got pregnant. I took a hpt and it came up positive a few days before my missed period. We were so happy! December 29 I started a little bit of brown spotting so I called doc to schedule my first appt and asked about it. They said it could be implantation and only worry if it turns bright red. On New Years Eve we went to my sis's house for a party and the spotting was weighing heavily on my mind because it had been very consistent. We got home that night late and I went to bathroom before going to bed and there was bright red blood. I was petrified and crying. We decided to wait til morning to see what was happening. Well...when I woke up I had blood all over and it was bright red and I passed a HUGE blood clot. We went to ER and after hours of blood tests and an u/s we finally saw the baby and the heartbeat of 150. The docs said that sometimes there is no reaaon for the bleeding and that they could see nothing abnormal. They told me to take it easy and no sex for one month. Of course I was obsessed and was constantly looking on the internet for reasons for bleeding and such. We then went to our first appt, doc didn't do exam cuz insurance wouldn't cover it since I juat had one. She said everything looked normal and scheduled us for an u/s just to put our minds at ease. That's when my world fell apart. We went to u/s 4 days later and there was no heartbeat. It was such a shock because we had been told everything looked fine and so on. I had a D&C the very next day cuz I didn't think I could handle the mental part of going thru a miscarriage naturally. Let me say that I had NO CRAMPING during this whole thing and I had read everywhere that as long as you don't have cramping it should be fine. I am now 6 days post D&C and the physical side effects have subsided but now I feel like I'm mentally going through hell. I am happy then sad and cry in the blink of an eye. Please tell me this is normal???? Thanks for listening.

tobynscarlett · #2 January 19th, 2009, 01:07 PM

Oh Honey, I am so sorry. I just wanted to let you know that the feelings you are having are perfectly normal, I think everyone here knows those feelings a little too well. I have learned that I will have to redefine what "normal" is now, I have to learn how to deal with a new kind of normal. This is a good place to be. I have noticed that the only people that don't mind talking about losing children are the ones who have had to go through it themselves. Everyone else wants to just ignore it and pretend a really bad thing didn't happen. Personally, I feel like talking about my son makes me feel closer to him. I would rather talk about him than pretend that he didn't exist. The ladies on this board will be happy to answer any questions you have, or to even sit and listen while you cry. I have found lots of comfort from reading the stories here, I hope that you will find some measure of comfort here too. I will be thinking about you and I hope to see you around the board more often.

ANDREA717 · #3 January 19th, 2009, 02:14 PM

Thanks and I hope that by doing this I can work out some feelings/thoughts that I have. My husband is absolutely wonderful and he knows that he cannot relate exactly to what I'm feeling. The hardest part is that my family hasn't really been supportive at all. One family member told my ex husband the very day I found out(which I had to see him that night for our daughters registration for kindergarten) and another said it was for the best because the baby was probably retarded or deformed! The rest are just staying away from me like I have the plague. I just don't get it. I'm guessing they think it wasn't as big of a deal cuz I was only 9 weeks, but I saw my baby with it's little arms and legs on that screen. I'm also having feelings of jealousy when I think about my step-kids. I know it has nothing to do with them, but I feel angry when I think about them and the fact that his ex has 2 of his children and I can't seem to give him 1. I dunno...maybe I'm losing it!

Jennifer8080 · #4 January 19th, 2009, 04:10 PM

I'm so sorry that you're going through this loss. I had a natural m/c on 12/27 and it was my first pregnancy. I'm physically feeling better but I'm still an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm okay and the next minute I'm crying like a baby. I think that it's only natural to feel like this. I thought that I was just nuts at first. People kept telling me to get over it, and that we still have plenty of time, but none of that makes you feel better, in fact it made me feel worse which made me more emotional. I got so upset when I would see pregnant women, and I still cry my eyes out every time someone else tells me they are pregnant. It does seem to be getting a little better as time goes by, but rest assured your emotions and what you're feeling are very normal. Just don't let stay bottled up inside. It was hard for me to talk to DF about it at first, but the ladies on this board have been wonderful.

tobynscarlett · #5 January 19th, 2009, 06:49 PM

I know all about the feelings regarding the step children, I have two of my own. Even though I have two children with my husband (a total of 4) it is still hard to think about his ex (who is not the best mother) being able to have 3 children when MY 3rd baby died. Why does SHE get to have 3??? She hardly ever sees her kids(even though she has primary custody), because she is always out on dates with different men. I am the one that takes care of her kids when they are sick or need something. All of our children were planned and wanted very much, so why couldn't I have all of my kids. I have to force myself not to think about it because it makes me so angry sometimes.

If you would like to talk more about your experience you are welcome to PM me anytime. I hope you find some of the support that you need here. You may also want to try the Stillbirth and Pregnancy Loss threads, all of those ladies are very supportive and have given me lots of hope. I have learned that the only people that can make me feel better are the ones who have angels in heaven also- they just KNOW. It is hard for all of us, but it is those women that have been able to go through a loss and go on to have more children that have helped me the most.

Bakin8th · #6 January 19th, 2009, 09:03 PM

I am so sorry for your loss.

It is so awful the first little while after such a shock. I Lost 8 babies in 7 m/c, twins at 17W plus a another baby at 17W this past April.

I hope you recover fast and see your sticky BFP soon!