[Kary♥RN]

Hello all, My name is Kary, I am 33 with only one other child a 18yo son. Yes that is years old! My hubby (who is not my sons biological father) and I started TTC over the summer. I am comming from the Sept DDC. I lost my heartbeat on Thurs.. I am still waiting to MC naturally or will have a D/E on Friday the 6th. Still trying to come to grips that my angel is gone. I am still having signs and symptoms...of pregnancy, it sucks.

How long after did you ladies start TTC again?

I am so scared... I also MC in Nov...I was about 6 days late w/ sore boobs, I got a BFP and within 24 hours started to cramp and bleed. The BFP was very light to begin with so I think it was very early mc about 3w 1/2 maybe 4w. Maybe this pregnancy happened to soon.

I have heard you should wait 3 months after a MC, than I have also heard you are most fertile with the best chances to concieve again within the first 3 cycles after a MC.

I also had someone say to me that I should not MC naturally. That I should have the D/E to "clean" every thing out and start fresh...DOES it matter?

Thanks for taking the time to read and answer.

[..Red..]

Hi Thorka. I am sorry you had to leave our DDC. I'm sorry always for that to happen.

I will tell you that I lost my baby in March at almos 24 weeks. It's not quite the same, as I was induced and gave "birth" to my little Gwenyth. I know there are some who have been through your shoes about waiting who both had a D/C and natural. I know that I couldn't wait to naturally go into labor, but perhaps it is different.

However I can tell you that a D/C is harsh on your body from what I hear. I do not think it matters. I would request an u/s to make sure you have fully passed all tissue, but I do not believe one is better than others. Some say D/Cs require a little longer wait time.

For me it was over 9 months before I got pregnant again. However I waited 3 months, because it was recommended and I was scared (nor was I healthy enough) and then intermittently TTC because I didn't want to find out I was pregnant at my EDD or belong to the same DDC 09. It was too difficult. Then I just knew that I would get pregnant in December. And I did.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[L-SBB]

Hi Kary, and welcome! I'm very sorry for both of your losses I'm glad you found us - it's a great group of women here, very supportive!

In answer to your questions:

You'll find a wide range of answers on when it's ok to TTC again based on advice from our OBs. Mine told me to wait 3 cycles (I waited 2 cycles, but am on cycle 4 now post d&c) and indicated that her preference is a longer wait to give uterine lining time to thicken up again. Many OBs, however, will give the all clear immediately or after 1 cycle, assuming you have no complications with the m/c itself.

Having a D&C or D&E is a really personal choice. I opted for a D&C with my m/c, primarily because of the sizing of the baby (9weeks) and some other concerns I had with waiting for the m/c to begin naturally. It's an expensive procedure (esp. if your OB does it under general anth.) - I had excellent health insurance but it still cost me around $1000 after all co-pays, etc. (total cost of the procedure was ~$9700). There are potential complications from D&Cs/D&Es (rare, but still a risk) so I wouldn't necessarily recommend one simply to ensure your body clears the m/c...that said, there is a possibility that the natural m/c may not pass everything, in which case you can end up needing a D&C anyway. I think that's relatively uncommon, and more likely to occur where the baby is sized later in the 1st trimester.

I think if I had been earlier in the pregnancy (5-6weeks) I probably would have opt'd to allow it to occur naturally rather than do the D&C, but I was happy with my decision given my situation.

The Pregnancy Loss forum on JM has a sub-forum where women post their experiences for both natural & D&Cs...I found them helpful when I was trying to decide which way to handle my own m/c.

[KDD]

Kary. I am so sorry for your loss. I had a natural m/c at 10w last April.

I agree with Lara that however it happens has to be the best fit for you. My preference was for a natural m/c rather to have any medical intervention. I think that it helped me through the grieving process by experiencing it. An u/s confirmed that everything had passed on its own. I got the go ahead to start TTC after AF arrived. Even though we started to TTC right away, we are on cycle #10!

Good luck with our decision - neither choice is right or wrong. I look forward to getting to know you.

[klt]

Hi, Kary! Welcome! I am so sorry for your loss. It's so tough. I hope you're doing OK.
My name is Kelty. I had a natural m/c in Oct/08. I had the choice and decided to wait for the natural m/c, and I will tell you, I waited over 2 weeks. For me, this was the right decision. I was told I could TTC as soon as my blood levels were back to normal (I had some heavy bleeding and I was anemic...not typical.) It is really a personal decision. I hope you're finding some answers here in TTCAL. This is a truly fantastic group of ladies. I think all of us will tell you that this group really helps eachother out when things get tough. Please jump right in and start posting. I hope your TTC is short and ends with a beautiful little miracle. Welcome again!
Sticky dust and BFP dust for you!

[~~~Sara~~~]

Hi Kary, I am so sorry for your loss, I was in your DDC too

I thought I was starting to miscarry last weekend, but was holding out hope that this pregnancy was just different from my last (my son is 14 months) but when I had my lab work done my HCG level dropped to nothing, then on my own I started cramping and bleeding pretty bad, but I wasn't passing any tissue. I talked to my OB and he said I could continue to miscarry naturally or have a D&C, at that point I didn't want a D&C and most people told me it would be best to do it naturally.

That went on for a couple days, I am a stay at home mom with a special needs son that need therapy daily and I was just struggling to take care of him, I don't have anyone to help me here and my husband was trying but he had to work. Anyway, by the middle of the week I couldn't take it anymore, I knew my baby was gone and I just wanted it to be over, I was in a lot of pain and it was miserable just waiting for the actual tissue to pass. I called my OB's office and they were wonderful about getting me in for the D&C. I was scared right before I went in and it felt so miserable to have to do, but afterwards I felt a lot better. I am still devastated that I won't have a baby in September, but physically it's over now so I can get on with my emotions and also care for my son who needs me.

I hope sharing my story helped you in some way, if you have any question, please just ask. I'm not saying a D&C is the way to go for everyone, but it was for me.

Oh and my OB said there is no medical reason to wait to TTC, that if your uterus is not ready the fertilized egg will not implant. I know other doctors and midwives advice varies, but that was what mine said.

Here is a big hug for you, I'm so sorry.

[..Jessica..]

Hi Kary, welcome to the board!!!

I'm very sorry to hear of your losses!!!!

I had a natural miscarriage and it pretty much happened right away, there was no waiting period. I hope it happens for you that way, the medical bills don't seem to be pretty ones.

[PixieQueen]

Hi Kary! I am so sorry for your loss! I am Karissa and DH and I are on cycle #2 since our loss.

I had a m/c at 10 1/2 weeks. I preferred to do it naturally. I won't tell you it was easy, but it somehow matched my hurt inside, and I think for me it helped me to grieve. But everyone is different. You need to do what is best for your physical and emotional well-being. My MW suggested I wait a couple of cycles, although I think it was more for emotional healing than for any physical reason. I ended up going right back into my normal cycle, I even ovulated within a couple of weeks after the bleeding stopped, so DH and I have started trying again right away.

Welcome! These ladies are awesome Some people just won't leave, even after they do get a bfp, that how great it is here!

[Kary♥RN]

Hi Kary, I am so sorry for your loss, I was in your DDC too

I hope sharing my story helped you in some way, if you have any question, please just ask. I'm not saying a D&C is the way to go for everyone, but it was for me.

Here is a big hug for you, I'm so sorry.[/b]

I am so sorry for your loss, I do remember you! DH and I have talked... I have been so sick to my stomach we are going to keep the apt on Fri to have the D/E- D/C. He wanted to take me to the ER this weekend to see if we could get it done. I am not cramping or bleeding yet. Just overwhelming nausea. And I think alittle depression I have been sleeping more than I have been awake. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep all the time. He hates to see me like this, another reason he wants to have the D/E is so testing can be done on the sent out tissue. To see if we can get any answers on why this happened. I just want to start feeling like my self again.

Thanks for all the kind words to everyone!

[~~~Sara~~~]

I am so sorry for your loss, I do remember you! DH and I have talked... I have been so sick to my stomach we are going to keep the apt on Fri to have the D/E- D/C. He wanted to take me to the ER this weekend to see if we could get it done. I am not cramping or bleeding yet. Just overwhelming nausea. And I think alittle depression I have been sleeping more than I have been awake. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep all the time. He hates to see me like this, another reason he wants to have the D/E is so testing can be done on the sent out tissue. To see if we can get any answers on why this happened. I just want to start feeling like my self again.

Thanks for all the kind words to everyone!
[/b]

I'm so sorry sweetie, you can certainly send me a message if you want. Take as much time as you need to grieve and it's great you have your DH, lean on him too. Hang in there, it's tough.

[huckleberry312]

Hi Kary I am sorry for your loss. I never had a heartbeat with my little one. I chose to wait it out naturally. It took almost a month to have a M/C. I had symptoms the whole time and even started to get a pooch. The waiting was not fun. I did pass everything and my cycled returned to normal immediately. I chose to have a full cycle before trying just to make sure things were back to normal. We tried after that. I charted my temp to make sure things were going ok. I am sorry you are going through this, but the girls on this board is what helped to get me through.

[*SamF*]

Hi Kary!
I’m sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage at around 6 weeks. I let it pass naturally. I was hard, I bleed for over two weeks, but felt it was better on my body. I was not told I had to wait, and we jumped right back in as soon as I ovulated again, which was the following cycle. I got another BFP about 3 months later (chemical). What ever you decide to do you will find a lot of support here.

[klt]

Kary, it was great getting to know you better in chat!!! Just thought I'd say hi!