TTCAL but a little scared

tatanickel81 · #1 February 1st, 2009, 12:41 PM

Hi, everyone!

I had a D/C back in Aug for a Molar Pregnancy and the doctor told me we had to wait for six months to become pregnant again. I was really devestated because we waited for three years before ttc. Now we are TTC again and I'm really scared. I keep thinking, what if it happens again. I'm not sure I could handle it. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. My DD is already 7 and I really want another one before she gets much older, but I'm terrified that we wont be able to conceive or that we'll have another loss.

How do you get over the fear. I'm almost terrified to get a BFP. I have 12 days to go till AF, and I'm actually afraid either way....

Does anyone else feel this way?

klt · #2 February 1st, 2009, 12:52 PM

I don't think you ever get over the fear. At least, I know I won't... With my first three pregnancies, I was terrified of losing them. And they all were delivered full term. With my last pg, I was just as scared. And, when I found out we had lost the hb, it was devastating. This time around, the fear will be intense. Each "pg milestone" that I approach will be scary. What if? Is everything OK? What will I do if I lose my baby again??? I think it's all normal. And, the grieving process is necessary. I think we care so much because we love so much. That's a good thing, not a bad thing! I'm glad you've decided to TTC again! I hope you find the support you need here, I know I have...
So, did you TTC this month? Are you waiting to find out if you get a BFP or do you start TTC next cycle? Either way, it's really exciting! Looking forward to getting to know you, and hoping that you get your BFP and your sticky bean soon! Take care. Lots of hugs!

AliciaF · #3 February 1st, 2009, 01:38 PM

I am there with ya on the sibling age thing. We had our first 2 very close together and then put off having more as we were raising my dh's sister. After she left we ttc again, got pregnant and then lost Clark at 5 months.

My boys are 6 and 8 now, every month that I get AF hurts because I know that's 1 more month farther apart my kids will be

KDD · #4 February 1st, 2009, 02:01 PM

I'm sorry about your loss. I was terrified when we first started to TTCAL, but it's been so long that now I'm terrified we won't get pg again. I know that when we do get pg again that my fears of another loss will come right back. I don't think you ever completely lose the fear, but at some point you just have move on.

Good luck TTC. I look forward to getting to know you.

tatanickel81 · #5 February 1st, 2009, 04:37 PM

Wow, thank you all for the support! I feel so much better knowing that there are others out there that care. And yes, we did TTC this month. We were suppose to wait one more month, but the wait was really hard. We figured it's been five months and my levels are zero, what's two more weeks. So we started trying and my cycles are shorter now as is AF (sorry TMI), so I think I missed the O days, but we'll see what happens. I can test in 12 days if no AF. So, I'm thinking maybe Valentines Day, if it doesn't come. I'm just really scared. I was 14 weeks when I lost the last one and it hurt so much because I made it through the first trimester and thought everything was good. But then it wasn't. It was really hard. But here we go again. Last time it took 4 months to get a BFP, so I'm hoping it will be quicker this time around.

Thanks again for all your support.

~~~Sara~~~ · #6 February 1st, 2009, 10:13 PM

I just had a loss so we aren't TTC just yet, but yes I will be scared!

I was also scared the entire time I was pregnant with my son, I don't know why, but I had just heard so many horror stories, I know I am getting off topic, but it's like I was so anxious for him to be born as I wanted to see that he was okay and as it turned out he was really sick. He's doing much better now (he's 14 months) but he does have a rare syndrome and had to undergo 3 surgeries his first year of life, I guess I knew the whole time without really knowing.

Even though we've been though genetic counseling, I am still terrified to go through pregnancy again, but I want our son to have a sibling.

We will be scared and excited right along side you, it is scary, but the outcome can be so wonderful it's worth the wild ride, I think!

By the way, I'm Sara, nice to see you here.

..Jessica.. · #7 February 2nd, 2009, 04:41 AM

Welcome to the board!

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss!!!!

I agree with the other ladies, TTCAL is definitely nerve racking! You are pulled in so many directions, you don't know what to do or think, and it's VERY normal!

As for the age difference between your kids, my sister and I are 9 years apart and we're very close. Sometimes too close..meaning...she's always in my business, as she pulls the "older sister" card. I wouldn't have it any other way though!

and Good luck this cycle!

huckleberry312 · #8 February 2nd, 2009, 06:30 AM

Hi sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. These ladies are wonderful and supportive. What you are feeling is so normal. Once you have had a loss pregnancy takes on a scary feeling. Even now I am afraid that something can happen or what if?. Don't live with the what ifs though. When you have those feelings just pop in here and everyone will put your mind at ease. Hopefully you will get your BFP soon. Good luck.

*SamF* · #9 February 2nd, 2009, 07:05 AM

Hi and welcome!
First- I am sorry for your loss.

I am also very scared. I don�t think I will truly relax until I have a healthy baby in my arms.

Also looks like we will be testing close to the same time. Although I know I will succumb and start testing early.

wendi81281 · #10 February 2nd, 2009, 12:20 PM

Welcome to the group. So sorry about your loss! I also had a complete molar pregnancy with my ex-h, but mine was 6 years ago. Thankfully they are not very common and very rarely occur more than once. Unfortunately, I do not think you will ever get over the fear. It will definitly be hard, so have faith and try not to stress too much. Enjoy the fun of baby-making. If you ever need to talk, this is the place to be. These women are wonderful.

#11 February 2nd, 2009, 03:11 PM

I think I remember your name.. I had a D&C in August at 9 weeks, our baby had no heartbeat. It was crushing and shocking all at once. We just decided 100% to try again after changing our minds several times. We are very nervous and anxious but if it's what we really want we have to go for it. Hang in there, and I think once your mind and heart have decided 100% you will feel a little more at ease. GL!

..Red.. · #12 February 2nd, 2009, 04:42 PM

Yes, Yes, and Yes. We are all scared... Scared TTC and scared being pregnant. How can you not be? It's natural. But perhaps it is the thing that helps to make sure we take extra good care of ourselves, take all our meds/vitamins, drink all our water, and count all our kicks. On the other aspect, my step daughters will be 10 and 11 when this one is born! OMG! A decade a apart, maybe it will be the case where this one will be asking the oldest, who's Brittany Spears?

tatanickel81 · #13 February 2nd, 2009, 05:43 PM

Thank you all for your wonderful replies! I do feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone. It's a very scary thing... But you are right, it will be worth it when I get to hold a squiggly baby in my arms. I know being a mom we do a lot of sacrificing, I guess this is just one of those things. But then I'm still worried when my daughter has field trips or goes to see a friend. I guess it's all part of being a mother. This isn't much different. It's just hard when you realize you were justified in worrying. Usually I can tell myself I'm overreacting, now I can't even do that anymore. But this too shall pass.

Hope everyones get there BFP soon and we can all end up in the DDC together!