[Soape]

Do you or have you ever had days that you just get angry after having lost your baby? I feel so bad because DH and I have been getting in arguments everyday for the last week, because I'm just so angry. I've been praying that God help me not have this anger anymore. Every time I hang around friends that are pregnant that don't take care of themselves and see mother's who have done drugs while pregnant it just makes me more angry. I've had alot of those situations over the last week which has not helped with me healing from this miscarriage. I just broke down last night because Michael asked me "what have I done that has made you so mad". I just cried and told him that it really didn't have anything to do with him, he unfortunately is just the closest person to me and has gotten the brunt end of it. I apologized so many times and he swears that he forgives me and that he will help me get through this. I finally broke down and told him that I feel like I'm the only one still grieving and it hasn't even been a month since we lost our baby. He has a hard time expressing the sadness from the loss so he chooses to keep it to himself. Makes it hard for me.

Sorry for the venting. I just want to know that this is normal.

[dragonfly2006]

it is so normal...i am pretty pissed off about mine. i sat down with my in-laws who are pastors shortly after and gave them and God hell. I told them i was angry with God and blah blah blah and its ok to have and feel angry I still do and its been 6months. i dont think that ever goes away, it gets easier but thats it. i hope you find some peace soon.

Yes! I understand your feelings, and have found myself lashing out at my husband for crazy things. He has been wonderful and very understanding though. However, he does not talk much about the miscarriage to me. He says its because he's just not sure what to say to me. I think that there is not much anyone can say or do that is going to take the pain away, and I have still found it difficult to be at ease around the friends and family that knew I miscarried. One thing that really angers me is that mother of octuplets. I keep thinking to myself that I can't even maintain a singleton pregnancy and that women, who obviously has issues, had eight. I hope you don't mind me ranting over your ranting, but I just wanted you to know that I think anger is pretty exceptable and normal in a situation like ours. I hope you start to feel better soon.

[Christine-MA]

That is so normal. I'm still so mad! It's just unfair. If I posted everyday about everything I wanted to rant about, this board would be FILLED!

Just 5 mins ago I sent DH an email saying that a girl we played softball with last year won't be playing again this year. Why? of course you know why.....because she's pregnant!! I don't even know if she has a bf, but it just makes me so mad. Why can she be pregnant and I can't (and everyone else for that matter)? And his response to me was "We just have to be patient and have faith". It annoys me to no end, but I know he's in a situation where he can't say NOTHING, but really doesn't know what TO say...so that's his response. And I know it's true, but it doesn't make me any less mad. I will say that I do make a conscious effort not to take it out on him though. Sometimes I just want to yell "I'm sick of being patient!" or even just "stop saying that!" But that's not really going to help anything.

And I know you tried for a long time to get pregnant, so I'm sure you're worried it will take a long tiem again. So I'm sure that even makes it harder.

I assume it does get easier with time, but coming up on my due date, I think it'll be harder before easier. So be prepared for that too. I can't say in a month it will be okay, or 4 months, but I do think time helps. Being pregnant again would help too for sure! So I hope we're all there soon!

[Wee3monkeys]

It's completely normal, hun! I don't think it ever goes away. I am still hurt and angry about my losses after graduating TTCAL and PAL. The thing is that gradually the intensity of it diminishes, there will be those moments when it's fresh and strong again; but over time..... the surfaces of the wound heal. Does that make sense? Anyway, big most men cant or dont talk about it, so that's pretty normal too.

[♥Ashley♥]

I totally feel this way alot, and I understand. I was the exact same way with Jason after our first loss and it was tough. But thank god I realized I cant do that to him, he did nothing wrong and I felt so bad for acting that way towards him. There was a time where I didnt even talked to him for 2 FULL days because I was just sooo sad and mad. The second time around I coped alot better and knew that I couldnt take it out on him because he was hurting too. Men grieve differently and he was silent and didnt say anything about being sad, so that in turn made me mad when in all actuality he was hurting on the inside too.

I hope things start to get better for you, because I promise you it does get better. Im not saying the pain or sadness goes away but it gets easier to deal with. It just takes time. Good Luck Amanda!

[*SamF*]

Yep, what you are feeling is normal. I know I would get so mad at DH because he would make comments about the m/c when I was upset trying to lighten it up. I still don’t think he really gets how hard it was for me.

[tobynscarlett]

Yeah girl, I think we have all had those feelings. It was the worst fot me about 4-6 weeks after we lost Zachary. It seemed like I was the ONLY ONE who was still thinking about him 24/7. No matter what I was doing, I was thinking about him and it seemed like everyone else had forgotten. About that time (when I was feeling completely alone even in a crowd) a woman from my church gave me a note telling me about her 10yr old daughter that had died. It was sooo sweet of that woman to reach out to me and I appreciated it so much. I just realized that the best thing to do is to find other women who have had a loss and cry to them when you are upset. Those women know and understand EXACTLY how much you need to vent and don't mind being there to listen. I hope you have found someone in real life to talk with, but of course you are always welcome to come here and cry. Anger is a stage of grief, I had to accept that the anger was there and not fight it to get past it. Thank goodness your DH is so supportive. I also found myself taking my anger out on DH because he was just there!! It passed and he understood, but I still feel bad that I did that. Praying helped, at one point I just had to ask God to take it all from me and give me peace- I didn't WANT to be angry, I WANTED to be thankful for all of the little things. Now, I feel like God gave me Zachary (and took him) so that I could truly see where my Faith needed to be. I know that it sounds crazy that God would take something you loved so much and use it to teach you something good, but that is what happened. Zachary's loss put me in a position to rely on God like I have never done before, that allowed me to experience Faith in the Lord in a different way. When I just couldn't walk anymore, God picked me up and carried me in a way I never understood before. It was a moving experience to say the least. The best advice I can give you is to try your best to pray that anger away!! Keep praying until it is gone, then pray again everytime you feel it creeping up on you. I will be praying for you too.

[Sue46]

So normal. It sucks, its not fair that people like us who want kids have trouble getting them and then the girls who don't want kids are having them left and right. Its been about 5 weeks since my loss and I am just now finally feeling more normal and not so emotional.

[Soape]

Thank you ladies for all the advice that you have given to me today. It really makes me feel a little less insane. DH is an amazing man and I thank him everyday for being such a great man and helping me through this time the best that he is able to. There is a girl that i work with that has been helping me through this that has had 3 miscarriages. I also have Ash_Les who I call when I'm losing it. I really thought that I was getting better. I think that I was trying to be stronger than I really am. I still want to start TTC again. I finally broke down last night and all day today off and on. It was the first time in about a week and a half of trying to keep myself so busy that I didn't have time to think about it. I feel a little better after having worked everything out with DH and crying. Thank you again for letting me rant and for telling me that this is normal. I'm am praying and will continue to pray that god takes this anger away from me.

[klt]

I'm so sorry you are going through this tough time. As you can see from everyone here, it really is normal. And, just so you know, once you're PG again, the hurt and the anger can still be there. I cried this morning because I was so mad that really good people seem to lose their loved ones and their babies, but, some of the stinkiest people get to have the babies and walk around every day like they've done nothing wrong. My husband listened as I complained about the octuplet mom, who is now a mother of 14... the lady in FL who probably murdered her beautiful little girl...the women, years ago, that drowned her kids in a bathtub... What the Heck???? And I couldn't carry the last one to term??? He just patiently listened to me cry and rant. So, the loss will always be a loss. And, it won't ever completely make sense. But, if you look at all of your blessings, like your very understanding DH, things will slowly feel a little better. Not every day, but most days...

I'm rambling...Sorry. take care. Keep praying. And lean on all of us as much as you need to... You'll be in my thoughts and prayers