Leaving jm for awhile

HippyMomOf4 · #1 March 6th, 2009, 07:47 PM

So i decided to really leave JM for awhile, i just can't bare to post on this board anymore its been takin over by pregnant woman. I'm excited for all of you and i'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. When i was host i delt with this issue quite a bit and here i am myself fighting with it. Honestly i know you all are super excited to be pregnant and we are all happy for you. But i'm sure i'm not alone when i say this. Seeing tickers and all that are upsetting to us that just lost a baby. I think the respectful thing to do it when posting disable you siggy so it doesn't upset people. I'm not trying to start a debate just stating my feelings.

~~~Sara~~~ · #2 March 6th, 2009, 08:49 PM

I'm sorry you feel that way and are having a hard time. Has it ever been brought up before to disable siggy's that mention pregnancy in this forum? What about the "graduates" staying on the forum, is that typical?

Not that I have a ticker in my siggy, just my son, but I am pregnant after a loss and I do feel bad about it sometimes, which I think is pretty sad as well.

I'm not sure if there is any point to me posting if you are leaving (not sure you'll see this) but I am sorry, I am SURE it is not anyone's intention to hurt you or anyone else. I do hope that you can get your BFP and come back to celebrate with us.

mom2njia · #3 March 6th, 2009, 10:18 PM

i understand the feeling. I am happy for all the ladies who get pregnant but the constant reminders sting.

PixieQueen · #4 March 6th, 2009, 10:44 PM

Since everyone here has 'been there', I think it's a nice reminder that there is pregnancy after loss, and successful pregnancy at that. I am sorry you won't be around! We will miss you!

Sue46 · #5 March 7th, 2009, 05:44 AM

I agree with Dixie. To me its a reminder that I CAN get pregnant again, it really doesn't bother me. I'm sorry it bothers you. I hope you take some time to heal over your loss.

Dinah · #6 March 7th, 2009, 06:52 AM

I don't know why, but the pregnancies here don't bother me either. But I have not been TTC very long, and I am new to this board. I, personally, feel that if I got pregnant I would want to stay on this board for a while. I feel no one is going to understand my fears like the ladies on this board. I am sorry that your feelings are hurt, and wish you good luck, good health, and a BFP very soon.

tobynscarlett · #7 March 7th, 2009, 07:04 AM

I am so sorry to see you go, but I have to disagree with disabling the siggies. The women here who are pregnant have tried very hard to get that way. They have all gone through the same heartache and fear, and I don't believe for one second that they are having an easy time with being pregnant after having lost one (or in many cases more) baby.

So, I am not meaning to be disrespectful, but as a current co-host I am going to make this statement:

Ladies, if you are pregnant after a loss please do whatever YOU feel comfortable with in your siggies. Yes, it may be hard for some to see your progress, but this is a place of comfort and support for all women in their TTC after loss journey. ALL stages of this journey are welcome, but I want to encourage you to not let the few who are offended control what the majority will do!! You should be proud of your success and we should be supportive too!!!

To those that are upset by these tickers and progress reports, there is a way for YOU to turn off all siggies so that you and only you cannot see them. If you are interested in this option please send me a message and I will get the instructions on how to do this to you.

Otherwise, this will be an OPEN forum with freedom to update on our progress and create the siggies that we feel best represent us. CASE CLOSED. PM me if you have a problem with this and we will resolve it outside of the open forum.

ThankYou,
Heather
TTCAL Co-host

Elijah'sMommy · #8 March 7th, 2009, 07:19 AM

That was well said Heather. I think a number of us didn't know how to respond to this post, as we didn't want to offend anyone. I personally feel hopeful when I see the women that have experienced loss go on and have healthy pregnancies.

mary30 · #9 March 7th, 2009, 07:38 AM

I sometimes come back and post and I wanted to say sorry that If I offended someone with my pregnancy ticker.. If someone can tell me how to disable I am more than happy to. Again I am sorry I have been there I do not want to upset anyone

KDD · #10 March 7th, 2009, 08:14 AM

I'm sorry that you're leaving Denise. I understand how you are feeling. When I first had my loss it was excruciating to be reminded of the healthy pregnancies of others. As another "old timer" I will miss seeing you around. Please check in with us from time to time. :hugs:

ESMERALDAAZ · #11 March 7th, 2009, 08:36 AM

OMG, i did't know that some of you feel that way. I'm really sorry if I offended any of you.

jmhick · #12 March 7th, 2009, 08:57 AM

Heather - Thank you for your response. I hadn't read this post until now, not sure if that was the best thing.

Denise - I'm very sorry you feel this way, but ALL of us have been in your situation, so we've come to this board and from this board we grow friendships and support. Support that we need and love. When I got in here and saw Kelty and Red, I was very happy to know they were still in here and that I did have hope. It wasn't long after joining I became PG RIGHT AGTER a m/c I didn't want to leave b/c I felt so much love and support. I think it is extremely unfair for you to post these things b/c it does make ppl feel bad. Not only that whos to say something will go wrong with my pregnancy, you just don't know and if something did happen I know EXACTLY where to come to!

Heather also said it on point that I'm sure the PG ladies still in this forum have constant fear that something will happen daily. You can also just read past the post of those you know are PG.

Halloween81 · #13 March 7th, 2009, 09:02 AM

I am also with the people who dont mind seeing the tickers of those that are pregnant.

Jennifer8080 · #14 March 7th, 2009, 10:45 AM

I saw this post earlier but didn't really know how to respond. I've been on this board since my loss in December, and I know many of you ladies have been here much longer than I have. In this short time I feel like I've formed a group of awesome friends, and a lot of support. I have been over to the PAL board but I don't know many of the girls over there yet. I'm definitely more comfortable here. I never want to offend anyone, but I am scared to death right now that something could go wrong again. I think that we can all learn from each other as well as provide encouragement and support.

Heather, I think your post was very well put.

Denise ~ I'm sorry to see you go and I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable here. I hope that you will return when you feel the time is right.

katiegirl · #15 March 7th, 2009, 12:31 PM

Denise - I understand exactly where you are coming from. I don't post on TTCAL much anymore but have been sure to disable my signature when I do post.
I think that a simple request as that is more than fine. I know that this comes up at times on this board and in the past it was requested that the siggies be disabled, also if you would like to post about your pregnancy you can always do it in the graduates subforum (if its still there, can't remember).

princesskate · #16 March 7th, 2009, 12:37 PM

I am just popping in to say that this is the reason I do not post here anymore - because I fear that I will upset someone with my pregnancy or what not. I do lurk alot though and sometimes I am aching to post but I darent

tobynscarlett · #17 March 7th, 2009, 01:17 PM

I am so dissappointed to see that ladies are not posting on this board when they want to- all because they are afraid of offending one or two others. Ladies, please feel welcome to post on this board!!! As you can see there many who find pregnancy after loss to be a comforting reminder that they too can go on to have a healthy pregnancy. You are helping others tremendously. If you are worried you can always add "Pregnancy Mentioned" to your topic.

Once Again, I would like to remind everyone that there is a way to change your options so that YOU will not see the siggies. It is not fair to expect someone to turn off their siggies everytime they post 'just in case' someone may not like it!!! The siggies are designed to be a reflection of who we are- Some of us happen to be women that are pregnant after loss and for that we should be proud. Let's not Forget that this is the TTC after loss board, chances are there will be many moe BFP's here because of the simple fact that we are TTC. There are other boards devoted to pregnancy loss, stillbirth and loss of a child if you are not comfortable here. We want everyone to feel welcome, but cannot expect the many to bow to the rules of the few.

princesskate · #18 March 7th, 2009, 01:27 PM

So it is ok for me to still post on here

I kinda worry about upsetting people here, that is the last thing I would want to do. And if it is ok, do I leave my siggy on or turn it off? x

tobynscarlett · #19 March 7th, 2009, 01:30 PM

YES!!!! PLEASE post here whenever you would like. You are always welcome, especially success stories. Our TTCAL graduates are ALWAYS welcome anytime!!!

Ryleeroo · #20 March 7th, 2009, 07:31 PM

I am sorry that you feel this way and I hope you dont leave because of it.

I lost my precious son at 20+ weeks along and let me tell you.... That was 20 weeks that I formed bond and friendships with the ladies in the June Due date club. After suffering a loss, I had to ask myself If i wanted to lose their friendships too

? it was part of my dailey life.. I talked to these girls EVERYDAY...I dont read the baby posts, just the off topic ones but could never turn my backs on them and not be there to support them. So I totally understand why the ladies on here like to talk about their good news with each other. What friends dont? I am a newbie compared to the girls on here but Support means alot, and I support the ladies during the pregnancies..and there tickers make me smile

Giving me hope that I too will get pregnant again!