[mlyster]

I think it is time to tell my story to help myself heal. I have been talking to family and friends but as much as they try they do not understand what it is to go through a miscarriage.

My story starts back on valentines day when I found out I was pregnant. We told only our family and just waiting as time passed. For some reason I never felt completely comfortable in the pregnancy and kept reminding myself that miscarriage could happen (which is why we didn't show the excitement we were feeling to anyone but our immediate family). One tuesday night in the last week of February I woke up to a gush of blood. I went back to sleep trying not to stress but woke up in the morning not another one. I was convinced I had or was about to miscarry. I stayed in bed for 2 days and even though I could not confirm I had passed everything I was convinced I was out. I went to my doctor the following Monday who sent me for an ultrasound and some blood tests. I didn't get the results of the tests but went to the ultrasound on that Friday (a week and a half since all the bleeding).

At the ultrasound I found out I was still pregnant. Heartbeat and all (6 weeks and 4 days). I tried not to get excited about it because I still felt like something as wrong. And the ultrasound showed a large amount of blood that shouldn't be there. I was happy by definitely guarded. Any feeling of happiness were replaced with concern the next day when the cramping and bleeding started again. It continued and got very intense through Sunday night. Monday morning I officially miscarried (having finally passed the fetus). In talking to my doctor Monday the prognosis from the ultrasound was not good. The heartrate was low and the location of the bleeding made it hard to think it would conclude well.

So now I am onto the recovery and emotional healing. I think the physical is almost done. I have been bleeding since Monday but today it has significantly tapered off (like the last day of a period). Emotionally I have gone through this twice having thought I misscarried 2 weeks ago. That has been tough but I am getting through it.

The good news is that my latest ultrasound shows everything has passed as it should have and my doctor sees no reason for us to wait to TTC again. Also we got pregnant this time very quickly so I am hopeful that we will be pregnant with a healthy, viable pregnancy again soon.

From what I have read in this group I am happy to be joining such a great group (albeit I would have never chosen to be here).

[amandakay29]

I'm soooo sorry for you loss. And I'm glad you are ready to tell your story. It does help to talk about it with others. Please jump right in!! These girls are awesome. And hopefully you'll have a BFP in no time.

[farasha]

I'm sorry to welcome you under these circumstances, but welcome all the same! You're in a good place here. It's good to have people to talk to who understand how hard this is to go through emotionally. Thank you for sharing your story. HUGS!!!!

I hope you're physical recovery is quick and you get that BFP soon!

Kristin

[LissaDawn]

I am so sorry for your loss. You definitely have found a place where we can understand and hopefully help you on your journey.

[Halloween81]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Welcome to the board and good luck, I hope you get a BFP soon.

[Trish36]

I'm so sorry for your loss!! <<HUGS>> Hope your stay here is short and sweet!

[*SamF*]

I'm so sorry for you loss. I am very happy that you found us. Thank you for sharing youstory with us.
I didn't find this board until about a month after my first, and didn't really start posting till a month after my second m/c. I think if I had found it earlier, the emotional healing from the first would have been easier.
Look forward to getting to know you.

[PixieQueen]

I can't even imagine going through it twice in such a short time! Welcome to our crazy board though! I hope you find the healing you need!

[vancouvermommy]

hugs, sorry for your loss. what an emotional rollercoaster.
i hope you get your bfp quick!!
I got pregnant right after my mc, never had an af.
good luck to you

[Mommy0305]

Welcome!

[mlyster]

Thanks for the welcome. I am definitely glad to have found this board. It is surprising how easy it was to actually type out my story. Definitely helping in the healing. Can't wait to get to know you.

[tobynscarlett]

Welcome to the board. After my loss i started reading some on miscarriage and pregnancy loss, I was amazed at the number of women who had a 'feeling' that something was going to be wrong from very early on. I was like that, even though it was my third pregnancy and I had no complications I just had this strange premonition that I wasn't going to be bringing that baby home. I didn't have any of the regular urges to go out and buy baby things but I just dismissed it because I already had almost everything I would need. There were several other signs that I was able to look back on and understand more clearly that somehow I knew I was going to lose Zachary, but it would take me hours to type all of that.

I am so happy that you found this board, it will really help to talk to other women that know exactly how you feel. Please feel free to ask any questions or to answer any posts!!!

Heather

[Elijah'sMommy]

So sorry for your loss. I hope your stay is short and sweet.

[Soape]

welcome to the board, I'm sorry that you had to come here though. I hope that your healing is fast and as easy as possible. I pray that you get pregnant quickly.

[heathernoell6]

Welcome to this awesome group of ladies. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Good luck in ttc and I can't wait to get to know you better.

[..Red..]

I also had that same feeling with my loss last year. I felt like that for the whole 23+ weeks of pregnancy and I definitely felt it made it difficult to enjoy it. It's almost one year now and I still have some issues. Come the 20th, I may break down. I do find that talking about it helps. In fact anyone who wants to know me I tell at some point. I know it seems odd, but it's a part of me and it helps me deal and get over and not forget either. It takes time. I hope this board helps you. We will always be there for you.

[mlyster]

All these replies make me feel good about how I am feeling. I definitely felt some strange feeling it was just not going to come to full term. But this was my first pregnancy so it was hard to know if it was real feelings or just my sensible nature telling me not to get too comfortable. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and are definitely ready to be parents. Hopefully the next BFP feels better

[Dinah]

I definatley think you have come to the right place. I have found this board very supportive and positive, which is exactly what I needed after my miscarriage. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope that this board helps you through to your next BFP. Welcome.

[tobynscarlett]

Originally Posted by ..Red..

In fact anyone who wants to know me I tell at some point. I know it seems odd, but it's a part of me and it helps me deal and get over and not forget either. It takes time. I hope this board helps you. We will always be there for you.

I agree, I find myself telling perfect strangers about my loss (for no good reason- it's not like they asked) Lots of times I hear "we lost one too, but we don't tell many people" it's like people are afraid to tell others out of fear of making them uncomfortable- there are a HUGE number of women out there that have had losses. Sometimes I just find myself blurting out the information but it'smy baby and I will tell the world if I want to!!!

[mlyster]

I have found the same thing. I am just getting through the physical part but so far it seems so taboo. Anyone I talk to about it has known someone who has gone through it but no one talks about it. I am not quite ready to but I will be posting about it on my blog and will definitely be telling people. I had this horrible feeling of being alone in this when in reality that is not true... I am certainly not alone. I don't want anyone to feel that if I can help them.