[mlyster]

Here is the situation... the day I returned to work after take time to deal with my miscarriage my boss decided to have a "managers lunch" and take all his management staff out for lunch to discuss how our department is doing. The lunch was fine. BUT on the way back to the office with all 5 of us in one vehicle the conversation turned to retirement because one of the managers is retiring this summer. My boss jokingly asked if I wanted his job so he could retire. Without missing a beat I responded with "No". My boss, who knew exactly why I hadn't been at work the previous week, then said, "Yea that is probably a good thing. You need to get your family situation figured out and have kids before you are too old" I could not even believe he had said it... and didn't know what to do. I was trapped in a vehicle with 3 people who had no idea about my personal situation, 1 who did and obviously had no regard for my situation, and me. I am very glad my I managed to hold off the tears and fury until I got home 4 hours later.

I have not talked to him about it because I can not bring myself to mention it (I really don't want to be in tears in his office). Perhaps the hardest part about the situation is he knows how hard last week was for me and we are actually pretty close (for instance he and his wife were at our wedding 2 summers ago).

[~my2beauties~]

Holy crap WOW! that's incredibly rude. sorry you had to hear such an insensitive comment.

[Trish36]

Some people just don't think before they speak! That is so rude. He probably didn't mean it the way it came out, but still..that's not an excuse.
I know how you feel about crying in the office. I only told 2 people at work that I was pregnant, my boss being one of them. I had actually taken vacation the week I found out that the baby had no hb, so then I was off for another week. When I returned the girl sitting in the cubicle next to me asked how my vacation was.... I totally broke down and started sobbing and she just shut up and apologized. She didn't know I was pregnant and therefore had no clue anything went on. I didn't go into details just said that something happened during the time I was off and left it at that. I actually felt bad for making her feel bad for asking KWIM. Well, yesterday the HR manager started chatting and she asked me "and how are you feeling, I heard you're pregnant" I guess my boss must have told HR. So I had to tell her that I lost the baby. I was very proud of myself also that I was able to talk about it without crying this time.

[klt]

Wow...I can only think that your boss just didn't know what to say and ended up saying the WRONG thing. Or, maybe this is just a person that doesn't get it. I'm sorry you had to go through that...and, being a former HR person, what was said wasn't the best legal choice of words, either. Big ol' OOPS! I hope you get a chance to mention it. People need to learn. Ugh.

[..Penelope..]

I'm sorry that you had to go through that, hon

[..Jessica..]

Ugh...he deserves a smack!

I think you should confront him about it anyway, he had no right to put your personal business out for everyone else to hear!!! What if you were told something serious regarding your future, and decided to put off TTC for a while? Honestly...you're better than me by not screaming at him!!!

I'm sorry you had to put up with that!!! Very inconsiderate and rude!!!

[tobynscarlett]

That must have been hard to hear. I am proud of you for keeping your composure and not breaking down right there, I am not sure I could have done it as well as you. Maybe you should talk to him and let him know how you feel, then again maybe not. It really just depends on how you feel about it. Can you let it go without holding a grudge, or do you need him to know how much that hurt? Go with your heart- write a short email if you need to or just let it go, do what you think is best. Your emotions are very raw right now and things that would have never bothered you before are going to hurt like hell now.

What ever you decide, just know that we are here for you and we understand. As you know this is a great place to come and cry. I am so sorry you got your feelings hurt.

[mlyster]

I don't think I can just let it go completely. I just need some time to be able to maintain composure when talking about it. I was talking to a girlfriend from work (same boss) and told her the whole story and she said the same thing you guys are all saying. In fact she said, "that was low even for RK" (we all know he speaks without thinking most of the time and often says things that HR would cringe at). I think the worst part was that he actually managed to stop himself for a second and then made a conscious decision to keep talking.

I think I will do like Heather says and write an email about it... perhaps even this weekend while I am not at work. That way I don't have to explain why I emailed him instead of walking next door to his office.

Thanks ladies for all the support!

[..Jessica..]

Sounds good girl! I hope he feels like crap for saying what he said when he's done reading the email! Don't hold back anything!!!

[taralyn]

Wow...doesn't it just boggle your mind sometimes, the things that people say? If it is still really bothering you I would def bring it up...and I also the email might be the best way. I had a situation at work too, no body there knew I was pregnant at all, until I needed to take some last minute sick leave for my D&C, I then had to tell HR (my supervisor was out of the office that week, which I thought was for the best because she is the most gossipy person I know) and our CFO but stressed to them I would prefer this to stay confidential. Well I found out the next week that HR told my supervisor because she out of no where asked how I was feeling and that she heard what happened. Needless to say I was shocked and hurt, on top of the overflow of emotions I was dealing with from the miscarriage itself...yeah...some people need to learn to keep their mouths shut!

[Kary♥RN]

I am so sorry he would make a comment like that! I really don't think people who have not went through a m/c really know what we go through. I know my self for one.. did not know untill it happened to me. I had a friend who I called after my m/c and appologized for not treating her with respect. And acknowleged her m/c as a loss of a baby.. I really had no idea what feelings she was having!

[LIZZYI]

I am so sorry that happened to you. Sometimes people are so insensitive! Like KaryRN said, I don't think people really understand what we go through.

[KDD]

I hope that he didn't mean anything by it. Like Kary said - unless you've been through it yourself you don't understand. My one coworker (who knew about my m/c) actually said "it's a good thing you're not on mat leave" when my husband got laid off. I had to bite my tongue so I didn't say "yes, it is a good thing my baby died".

I hope it goes well

[heathernoell6]

Other people just do not understand. Even those as close as our own parents. I think an email is a wonderful idea. {{{HUGS}}} I don't think he was trying to hurt you.

What an idiot. I"m speechless.

[~~~Sara~~~]

Wow, I'm sorry, that hurts.

I had a co-worker tell me I "better hurry up" once when mentioning we wanted a baby. I hadn't just suffered a loss, but I still wanted to smack him, how incredibly rude of someone to say!