[~my2beauties~]

So my cycle has been really weird this month and I wasn't able to exactly pinpoint ovulation even by using the OPKs, so DH and I have been trying to BD for the last week and a half every 2nd night.

I could've sworn I saw a teeny tiny bit of blood yesterday, like a very small amount and I've been having cramping feeling for the last couple of days. I don't even think these are early pregnancy symptoms anyway, but in my mind I wanted them to be!!!

Of course, I just HAD to go POAS (and I'm not even the type to POAS, I usually just wait the whole long stupid 2ww). Well, needless to say, of course it was a freaking BFN and now I feel so stupid and so incredibly mad and upset. I've been crying on the phone to my mom for the last hour. I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS. WHY DID I HAVE TO TEST. arrgggghhhhhhhh

I was SO close to having Katrina in my life, I only had 4 months to go and now every month I get a BFN I feel like my life is just going more and more downhill.

[Trish36]

I'm so sorry! Don't give up hope yet, you might have just tested too early. You'll get your BFP soon!!!

[klt]

I am so sorry you are feeling so awful! And, you have every right to feel the way you're feeling. You've been through so much. I don't know what CD you are, but, could it be early? I'll keep my fingers crossed that your BFP is still on its way this cycle. And, if it turn out that AF shows, know that we're all praying for your BFP and a little sticky bean. Vent whenever you want. We're all here to listen. Lots of hugs heading your way!

[tobynscarlett]

Sweetie, you are not stupid for POAS early. We have all done it and we have all been sorry afterwards. No one said this wouldn't be a long and horribly frustrating (not to mention disappointing) journey. All you can do is keep trying, keep POAS, and keep crying when it's not the results you want. I know you are missing Katrina with all of your heart right now, but ask yourself this- Would you want to get pregnant knowing that your cycle is a little wacky right now or would you rather wait until you know your hormone levels are good and you are going to be able to carry a healthy pregnancy?? The only thing worse than a BFN right now is to get pregnant when your body wasn't ready Looking back, I realize that my first two cycles (directly after my loss and the Jan/Feb cycle) were not normal for me. But my Feb/Mar cycle was much more in line with what I have always experienced- that was all it took. Apparently my body was finally ready to get pregnant again. Now I think that I would have worried myself even more than I am now if I had realized that my hormone levels weren't quite where they needed to be.

I am sorry that you are hurting for Katrina. She is always going to be your first little miracle. your life is not going downhill right now, it's just turning in a different direction than you want it to go for this moment. There is something special out there just around the next curve- you just have to hold on for the ride. It's going to be hard but the end will mean more to you than you will have ever imagined.

I will be thinking about you and praying for you. Just don't give up, it's great that you have been able to talk to your mom about everything. We are always here for you too. Cry it out and keep moving forward, that's all you can do right now.

Hugs,
Heather

[..Jessica..]

I'm so very sorry Stephanie!!!!!

[L-SBB]

I just wanted to offer up some hugs too - you may have just tested too early...but you will get your BFP again, so try not to let the BFNs get you down. HUGS

[farasha]

Aw Stephanie.. big hugs.. we all know exactly what you mean. I sincerely hope things get better this month and you get that BFP, but please feel free to open up as much as you need here. I truly wish you the best. Definitely cry as much as you need to. I think it helps to let it out.
We'll all get there together. <3

[~Laurie~]

I'm sorry, Stephanie. I have been where you are (every month, as a matter of fact) and I know how each month that you get a bfn feels like a personal injury. For me, I was so close to having my baby that the fact that we are back at square one makes me so angry. I hope it was just too early to test and that you get your bfp this month, and don't feel badly about POAS. We've all done it, and we will all do it again, so you are certainly not alone.

[lex1078]

I'm so sorry Steph. I know how much a BFN hurts. I'm hoping you just tested to early.

[~my2beauties~]

Thanks ladies

I hope and pray as well that I've just tested too soon. But there was absolutely NO 2nd line what-so-ever. Not even in the slightest. I just feel as if I've lost all faith. You'd think I'd be used to this by now and just accept it!

Originally Posted by tobynscarlett

I know you are missing Katrina with all of your heart right now, but ask yourself this- Would you want to get pregnant knowing that your cycle is a little wacky right now or would you rather wait until you know your hormone levels are good and you are going to be able to carry a healthy pregnancy?? The only thing worse than a BFN right now is to get pregnant when your body wasn't ready Looking back, I realize that my first two cycles (directly after my loss and the Jan/Feb cycle) were not normal for me. But my Feb/Mar cycle was much more in line with what I have always experienced- that was all it took. Apparently my body was finally ready to get pregnant again. Now I think that I would have worried myself even more than I am now if I had realized that my hormone levels weren't quite where they needed to be.

Yea, I have thought about that, Heather, but I guess I felt as if I was doing much better this month. I went to see a therapist again (and she's been so helpful to help me stress less) and I noticed that the last couple of months my cycle did seem to be getting to be more regular again. But then this month just got screwed up again. And after my crying fit last night, I'm sure that put a lot of stress on my body as well