Has your loss made you more obsessive?

stargatemommy · #1 March 28th, 2009, 02:36 PM

When DH and I got married, we decided to start trying for kids right away. Initially were were not really trying, we were just not preventing. Then after a year of that we decided to really start trying. I got pregnant about 5 months after we started actively TTC. Then I had a miscarriage. After that, I wanted a baby even more. And it seems that with every subsequent loss, my obsession grows. Now I obsess over EVERY sign and symptom, and every time that AF shows, I breakdown. It feels like another miscarriage! If you would have told me when I got married that I would become this maniacal I would have laughed in your face!

How has loss affected your attitude towards TTC? I you more obsessed like me? Or are you more withdrawn and scared to try again? I am just curious to see the different reactions...

Trish36 · #2 March 28th, 2009, 02:43 PM

I think it's different with me. I already have 3 kids and this was my first loss. Plus I'm already 36, so not much time left to obsess. I will definately try as soon as possible again, but I have told myself that if 6 months go by and nothing happens or if we have another loss, I don't think I will continue on this path. Hopefully this will not happen. But I know for sure that when I get pregnant again I will be obsessing over every little sign and worry each day until I have that baby in my arms.

..Jessica.. · #3 March 28th, 2009, 03:10 PM

You described my past to a T! I'm now more obsessed than ever with becoming a mother!

..Penelope.. · #4 March 28th, 2009, 03:36 PM

My situation was a little different when I got pregnant. DB and I had stopped using protection because we believed that we couldn't get pregnant naturally, and since we didn't want to start trying in the near future, I didn't feel the need to find out what was going on with my body. I wish I had now, but that's a whole other story.

I've always had pretty crazy PMS, and it's fooled me into thinking that I was pregnant before. So when the symptoms popped up again in December, I ignored them (along with my missing period). Then...I decided I should take a test JUST in case...and that test was positive.

So, DB and I had always thought of having kids in an abstract way. But as soon as we were aware of baby's presence, it was one of those "Wow" moments where you learn how much you wanted something and how ready you really are for it. After we lost PJ, I got really bad baby fever, and since I'd never experienced it before, I honestly thought that there was something wrong with my head. Nope...I guess you could say my clock just needed a battery

We had a talk a few weeks ago, because I was afraid that DB was going to feel pressured by how "cookoo for baby" (as he put it

) I had become. He assured me that the thought of being a dad at this age had felt right, and that he wanted to start trying again soon, too. We've finally officially decided on June

When I am pregnant, I'm sure I'm going to be more obsessive, as well. Before, I would have been satisfied with peeing on one stick. Now, I'm going to have to pee on one each day to watch the lines get darker. Of course, I'll also worry, but that's what I have my JM ladies (and my wonderful sister) for

Soape · #5 March 28th, 2009, 05:37 PM

I think that mine is different. I still want a baby more than anything in the world and I intend on trying with all our might every cycle. My husband and I had tried and obsessed for 12 cycles when we finally got pregnant, and then miscarried. During my pregnancy I did everything by the book, I made sure I slept enough I never ate anything that they said was bad for you. I was the perfect pregnant woman, obeyed all the rules.

When I lost the baby it was really hard for us. Especially because I work as an RN in a Neonatal intensive care unit with majority of our patients being from mothers that didn't take care of themselves while they were pregnant...drugs, alcohol, etc.

Dh and I had a really long talk while I was recovering from the D&C and we decided that we were NOT going to obsess so much while we were TTC again. I've done pretty good so far. I'm taking my second 2WW pretty well. I'm still acting as if there might be a child in there so I'm not drinking, but I'm learning to live life up to the fullest right now. Because one day, when god decides to bless us with a child we wont have all the options to get out and be around friends and family, or go on spur of the moment long weekend vacations.

I'm still hopeful and our goal is still to one day have that healthy little baby. I just don't want another year of my life go by and the only thing I am able to say about that year is.."it was the year we were trying for a baby."

Kary♥RN · #6 March 28th, 2009, 06:19 PM

I would have to yes to all your questions. Me and the DH have been ttc since July. And it was like ok it will happen when it happens. Than in Nov. I got the BFP...at 5 days missed AF and we were both like.. OH wow.... are we really ready? Than I started cramping and bleeding with in 48 hours of the BFP. We than became more serious. And I got my BFP again on Jan 2nd. only to start spotting 2 wks later.. that scared me.. I stoped spotting and went for the ultrasound and saw my little bean with a heartbeat. It became so real at the moment.. We were on cloud nine. I also did everything by the book. No caffine, no lifting, nothing... and I m/c. So now I am obsessing, and I am scared this will happen again. I am 33, going on 34. I have an 18 year old. When I got pregnant with him I was a teenage mom.. it was an accident, I was blessed with him. I never thought It would be so hard to concive. I never thought I would have two losses. My DH has no children of his own. His father is 63.. and not in the best health. I want him to see his grandchild. I never wanted to have a child around Christmas... Now I am praying to God. To bless me with a baby.. this cycle or any other... I don't care as long as I have a healthy baby!

ThankingGOD4my2girls · #7 March 28th, 2009, 06:52 PM

Well When DH and I got Pregnant this last time we werent trying. We have a daughter who is 10 and will be 11 in may. I have been wanting another baby for about 8 years now but DH just wasnt ready for another child and we were not financially stable either. Well back in August I had a hard time with my Period. I was late and tests were coming up negative so I went to the ER and was told I had a cyst so then I went to my Gyno and told him what the ER said and he said that It wasnt a cyst it was an egg that I was ovulating. He then proceeded to tell me that I was just having a hard time Ovulating and he wanted to start me on Fish oil pills and fish oil vitamins to help me ovulate and to straighten out my periods so I did take the pills and the vitamins. I had a period in September and in October but In November I noticed I didnt have one and I was cramping really bad. On 3 different days in November I spotted and I would have never thought I was pregnant. I thought I was just tryong to start my period and was haveing trouble again. Well by december 1st I still hadnt had a period so that day I took a test and got a BFP and I was in shock. Well I told my DH I was preggo and he said that it was funny that I was telling him I was preggo cause He was going to ask me that very same day if I wanted to try for another baby. Well that Night I started bleeding again and cramping real bad and by December 4th I had lost my baby at 6 weeks of pregnancy. After the m/c I have had baby fever bad. I want a baby so bad I cant stand it and Dh and I have decided to start trying. We started trying at the beginning of this month and so far I have obsessed over every thing. If DH knew how much money I have spent on HPT's this month he would be very angry. I have POAS every day and sometimes more than once a day for the last 3 and a half weeks. I have been very nervouse about every pain and every symptom I have had. I even ran to the DR once thinking I was preg and m/c again. But the Dr said my anxiety was normal. But I am here to tell you that I am a major POAS ADDict but I hope if I dont get my BFP this month that I will not buy any tests next month unless I miss AF.

~my2beauties~ · #8 March 28th, 2009, 07:30 PM

I'm sooo over the top obsessed now, it's not even funny.

We got married in August 2006 and decided to wait just over a year before trying. If I had known it would ever be this difficult to bring home a baby, we would've started ttc right away. I was kind of naive back then - everyone I knew had healthy babies and the most straight forward pregnancies, so I thought I would fit nicely into that category as well. I never thought something as horrible like having a stillborn baby could happen to us.

Now, after almost 8 months of losing Katrina, it's changed me SO much. I only ever have TWO things on my mind: Katrina and getting pregnant again. My life is absolutely consumed with getting pregnant and then I get sad that my baby girl isn't in my arms. Then I worry soooo much that we're not meant to have living children or something. I'm constantly freaking out and I really, really don't know if I can handle that if that's the case

ETA: oh, and then there's the horrible worrying of what if something horrible happens again?

Is there a word for being 'beyond obsessed'???

lmunoz8517 · #9 March 28th, 2009, 11:09 PM

I am fighting the obsessed bug right now. My first to pregnancies were concieved on cycle 1. Carmen was concieved on cycle 3 I was starting to wonder why I wasnt getting pregnant even though it had only been 3 months since the first two were so easy. I am peranoid that I wont get pregnant again. I dont know why, I havent had a problem. I am already worried about my next af showing up and it is only cd 8. . lol. So yea being obsessive after a loss seems normal to me. Baby dust to all!

KDD · #10 March 29th, 2009, 10:15 AM

I think I've passed the obsessed stage and now I'm into the "why bother" stage. I always figured if you timed everything right you would get pg. At first we were NTNP (nearly a year and half) and I finally paid more attention to my cycles and we timed our BD'ing better and boom! - BFP. I never thought that I would have a m/c - I don't smoke, didn't drink, don't do drugs, eat healthily, etc. After that TTC became an obsession - there was no way I was going to let this beat me. But now we're approaching the 1 year mark and I'm starting to wonder if we missed our window. So, I'm less obsessed than I used to be.

Elijah'sMommy · #11 March 29th, 2009, 11:43 AM

I would have to say I am fighting the urge to be obsessed. DH and I decided on our honeymoon to NTNP and then after AF showed I got PG. I had my m/c 2 weeks later. Then we decided to actively try. Now, I feel that I think about and worry about it A LOT.

*SamF* · #12 March 30th, 2009, 08:38 AM

Obsession is putting it mildly!
I have waited so long to actually TTC and then with three losses in a year, it’s really pushed me to try harder. After figuring out what was causing the m/c’s and getting that fixed, I think I am even more obsessed than ever before. DH and I really want two to three children, and we are running out of time. I spend way to much time on JM, which also feeds my obsession (not going to quit though!).