[Trish36]

I have been invited to a baby shower on May 2nd. I knew this was coming since before I got pregnant. It's the daughter of a really close friend of the family, she's my age and this is her first baby and I'm very happy for her. I'm just not sure if I will be strong enough to pretend everything is AOK - I'm afraid I might break down, especially if someone brings up the m/c. So I'm torn between wanting and not wanting to go. Anyone have a similar situation? What would you do??

[tobynscarlett]

That must be hard for you. Honestly, if I didn't feel like I could keep it together I would contact the person throwing the party and just tell them why. Tell them that you are afraid to ruin a baby shower because you are very emotional right now. Also, if it is someone you care about I would send a gift. I would think that there wouldn't be any hard feelings because you honest about why you couldn't attend.

On the other hand, if they don't know about your loss and you don't want to tell them, I would make up some convienent excuse and simply not be able to make it at te last minute. Children get sick VERY fast ya know ( I know it is awful to use your kids to create fake ilnesses!! I get the bad mom of the year award for that idea!) I am just trying to help with some ideas if you are trying to get out of going.

True story- once we were in New Orleans on a weekend vacation and my DH 'accidentaly' signed us up for a time share presentation. They even got $20 out of him to ensure we would show up (I was shopping or this WOULD NOT have happened!). I went to the hotel where the presentation was and told them our dog was sick and we had to get home ASAP!! LOL!!! I made them give me my $20 back. The truth is that this particular dog is not all that smart and he eats just about anything small enough to swallow- this causes him to throw up alot. Once, he even threw up a chunk of concrete- NO JOKE!! I did recieve news that my dog had thrown up that morning, but it wasn't the emergency I made it out to be to the time share people

Just some ideas!! Let us know what you decide.

[farasha]

I agree with Heather! I had a shower to go to after I miscarried. I had said I was going to go, but knew I couldn't handle it after the miscarriage, so I told my friend that I couldn't go and why. She totally understood. And if she doesn't know, then a little white lie never hurt!

And if you do want to go, but are afraid of other people bringing it up - then just make sure you have a support buddy with you to steer the conversation away. Maybe you could also plan just to go for a little while, but leave before the gifts... or something like that.

Best of luck hun.
Kristin

I agree with Heather! I had a shower to go to after I miscarried. I had said I was going to go, but knew I couldn't handle it after the miscarriage, so I told my friend that I couldn't go and why. She totally understood. And if she doesn't know, then a little white lie never hurt!

And if you do want to go, but are afraid of other people bringing it up - then just make sure you have a support buddy with you to steer the conversation away. Maybe you could also plan just to go for a little while, but leave before the gifts... or something like that.

Best of luck hun.
Kristin

[*SamF*]

I wouldn’t make any decision yet, it’s still am month away, and you may be in a better place by then.
I definitely would not go though if you don’t think you can make it through the day. Just send your gift along with your well wishes.

[Kary♥RN]

I agree with all the bove... I am dreading my SIL and my DH bests friends wifes babyshowers... My chemical pregnancy was when his bests firends wife called and told us they were expecting.. (I was still bleeding) and my SIL is 2 weeks ahead of were I should be with my M/C. Even if I am expecting by Aug and July.. I know it will be hard.. to know.. that not once but twice I have lost my babies.. and not that, it should be me in their place.. to know were I would be and how old my litle angle and my little girl should be will always be in the back of mind.

[Elijah'sMommy]

Give yourself some time to decide if you are emotionally ready to go to the shower. I just went to a baby shower this past Saturday for a friend who is having her first. It was really hard on me to 1) shop for the baby gift (cried in the store) and 2) See her, her belly, and all the talk and opening of baby presents. I m/c in December and even 3 months later, it was very hard for me. I didn't let the shower get to me to much only because I was worrying about my pup (totally different story). I think that it is understandable if you decline the shower, but you can always send a present so they know you are thinking of them.
Good luck!

[twoboys]

Im sorry, I know how hard it can be, I actually had to host a shower only 3 weeks after my loss. I couldnt change anything all the invites had already been sent out and it was terribly hard. I managed to be okay, but when everyone left I broke down and cried. I think your friend would completely understand you not going. Dont put yourself in a situation that makes it mentally harder on you.