is it just me???

twoboys · #1 March 31st, 2009, 07:13 PM

Is it just me or do you other ladies wake up some days and feel great, then other days just the slightest thing can set you off, all you want to do is cry.. like you feel here we are all ttc and for myself, I think back and get angry that I should be 5 months pregnant right now, I should know if I was having a boy or girl.. I am just having a really hard night tonight.. cant stop crying, I am so frustrated and sad.. and I know another baby will never replace the one we lost.. I cant even walk into the babies room ( we had all the nursery furniture deliverd a week before finding out about the loss) I am just overwhelmed with trying and its only been a month.. Is it like this every month or does it ever get easier. It seems like everywhere I look I see pregnant people and I just feel like I am a failure for losing the baby.. and I know thats not it.. I know it was nothing I did.. I am just having one of those nights... sorry ladies.. not trying to bring the mood down.. once agian, just venting..

MountainMomma · #2 March 31st, 2009, 07:49 PM

I'm that way too. A few days ago waiting to see if I would get a BFP or if AF would show I got really pissed off and broke down because I realized....I shouldn't be waiting to see if I am pregnant. I should be getting ready to deliver. My last miscarriage had an EDD of 4/20/09. It isn't fair, and I can swing back and forth from one moment to the next.

You definitely aren't alone.

I'm that way too. A few days ago waiting to see if I would get a BFP or if AF would show I got really pissed off and broke down because I realized....I shouldn't be waiting to see if I am pregnant. I should be getting ready to deliver. My last miscarriage had an EDD of 4/20/09. It isn't fair, and I can swing back and forth from one moment to the next.

You definitely aren't alone.

mlyster · #3 March 31st, 2009, 07:51 PM

Feel free to vent. Everyone has those days. I am only a month into my healing as well so I can't comment on whether it gets easier or not but I can imagine it will (as with any loss). You are right, you did nothing to cause this but we all know how it feels. It does not seem to matter how much people tell me that its not my fault, it will all be alright, etc but some days it just does not feel that way.

I do, however, believe that in time the time between the bad days will get longer and the bad days will not be as bad. You do need to take time to feel all that you are feeling and allow yourself to cry when you feel you need to.

Some people need to TTC right away but some find it helpful to wait and get past the loss first. As hard as it is try and remain positive. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and remember why you are trying to concieve.

I went to a grief counselor who gave me a small rock (i picked a red colored one) to carry around with me. When I start to feel a bad day I hold the rock and remember. It has definitely helped. Try and find something like that to help you through the rough days.

Hope all my random babble helps.

twoboys · #4 March 31st, 2009, 07:55 PM

Thanks girls.. it just feels good to vent sometimes and feel like your not alone... you are all wonderful oxoxoxoxoxo

~my2beauties~ · #5 March 31st, 2009, 10:28 PM

yea, I know exactly where you're coming from.

to you!

Like this morning, for example. I woke up and felt alright, then I went to work and I found out that someone I know just had a baby and it completely tore me up inside. I was so bitter (just about everything) for the whole day at work and couldn't concentrate on anything but the fact that Katrina SHOULD be about 3 months now and that we're having troubles conceiving again and then I get even more mad b/c we shouldn't even be trying to conceive right now b/c she should be with us. For crying out loud, I shouldn't even be at work, I should be on my 1-year maternity leave right now with Katrina. ARGH. So yea, I've had those days

lex1078 · #6 April 1st, 2009, 05:12 AM

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. It's still so new and emotional for you. Not that it still isn't for a lot of people, including me. It's going on 5 months since I've lost my girls and everyday can be a challenge. It has, definitely, gotten easier, but that doesn't mean it went away. The days go by where I can think about them and not cry. Then there are the days where all I want to do it cry. There are moments where triggers aren't so harsh, and then days where the triggers are just every where and I can't stop. It will get easier, you will never forget, you will love your baby forever. You are not a failure, please don't think that. We are all here for you, vent whenever you need it.

amandakay29 · #7 April 1st, 2009, 06:04 AM

I'm so sorry. I was like that. I was only 8 weeks and 4 days when we lost our bean. Everything I had received as gifts I threw away. I couldn't look at them. And I threw away our sonogram. (I wish I hadn't) I was just soooo angry and sad at the same time. My poor dh...I was great one day laughing, playing, joking around and the next I would cry. This is a great place to vent and please feel free anytime!!

Elijah'sMommy · #8 April 1st, 2009, 06:24 AM

Big

. Just know, you are NOT a failure and that you did NOT cause the loss. ts normal to have some days that are better than others. I was really early in my pregnancy when I had my loss, but I still think about it every day. Let me tell you, I watched Marley and Me last night and cried my eyes out (pg loss mentioned). We are all here for support, whether you need to vent, share your sorrows and your joys.

Trish36 · #9 April 1st, 2009, 06:53 AM

I'm sorry you are down in the dumps!

It will get better with time. I actually feel guilty whenever I have days like that, because I should be thankful for the 3 beautiful children I already have and not be greedy considering how many women are still ttc their first.

*SamF* · #10 April 1st, 2009, 07:05 AM

I'm so sorry hun that you are having a rough time. It does get easier or at least less frequent, but even now (past my original EDD) I still have days that are really rough. Or I get choked up talking about it to someone. I know I will never forget my lost little ones, but try to focus on having one that I can hold and cuddle.

twoboys · #11 April 1st, 2009, 09:18 AM

Thanks everyone, your all so understanding.. I think I just sometimes feel like I am crazy.. like the days I can laugh and have fun, then the next I am filled with emotion.. you are all great for support, thank you so much oxoxoxox

..Penelope.. · #12 April 1st, 2009, 03:54 PM

Honey, you are not a failure. I've felt that way, too, but you can't let those thoughts get hold of you.

Today at work, I realized that I should have been 20 weeks this Saturday. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down right there, and then on the way home. It hurts so much to think that I should be halfway to meeting my little girl.

There are the small things that bring it back, too...I can tell that I'm either ovulating or getting close, and I should be glad that my body is acting normal. But I hate AF, I hate cramps, I hate sore bbs, I hate ovulating...everything that I felt when I was pregnant, and everything that reminds me that PJ is gone.

I understand in my mind why we need to WTTC, but in my heart, I don't want to wait at all. I want my baby

I'm sorry that you're going through a rough patch. *HUGS*