[starrsgirl]

Hey ladies,

I was wondering if anyone here has ever "seen" a professional after their losses. It's been 6 months-ish since my loss and sometimes I feel that I'm really not where I should be in the healing process. I don't feel like I'm doing terribly, but at the same time, I still cry a lot and I notice a difference in my work and how I feel. My husband and also a supervisor asked me to consider going to see a professional. They worry I might be depressed. The thing is, I just don't know if I can just sit and talk to a stranger face to face. Also, I'm not convinced I'm depressed....just different after my second loss.

Has anyone used a professional? Did it help? What kinds of things do you have to talk about? (I know that's a silly question but I really have NO idea what "health professionals" do). I'm definitely a "I can do everything/fix everything myself" type of girl.

Any advice/thoughts?

Liz

[..Michelle..]

Hi Liz,
I see a professional counselor. I have bi-polar disorder and panic attacks. Plus with all that, I lost my son Roman at 30 weeks gestation. He lived for 5 days and 14 hours until the team of doctors we had said that it might be best if we let Roman "rest."
I was the same as you. I thought "Who would want to hear what I have to say and what could they possibly say back to me to make me feel even remotely better about what happened?!" I also see a psychiatrist (for my meds for my bi-polar disorder and panic attacks) but he doesn't provide counseling. He suggested I see a lady who is affiliated with his clinic.
I've been seeing her for almost 7 months now and my outlook on life is a lot better than what I had before. I still cry for my son and our loss. I still have panic attacks. But they both are diminishing. I am able to smile now when I think about Roman and TTC again. I am still scared that I may lose another baby, but now I have a more optomistic approach rather than a pessamistic one.
I can look at Roman's pictures and remember happy things and mini milestones he reached even though his total outlook was grim. I remember holding him and feeling his grasp on my fingers without crying sometimes, sometimes I just cry. No one can tell you when you should feel better. And you'll never totally "get over it." Your loss was a part of your life from the time it happened until forever. And if you're religious or believe in Heaven and all that (not trying to offend anyone), you'll see your loved one again!
So yes, I do believe this woman has helped me, and continues to help me in my grieving process. And sometimes we just talk about things in general, not just focusing on Roman and "how it makes me feel."
's to you and what ever decision you make Liz. I know it's a personal preferance on what to do, but for me it's one of the best things I could have done!
My internet doesn't always work, but you are more than welcome to PM me with any questions you might have.

[KDD]

I haven't been to see a professional, but I have considered it. That is what they are there for. If you're not comfortable talking to a stranger, have you considered keeping a journal?

[mum74]

I've been to see a counsellor (though not for the loss). It's funny but I put off going because I thought the same thing as you (what will I say)...but I got in there, burst into tears and just talked and it was good to be able to get all the things out that I needed to. It was all stuff I didn't want to tell friends and have them judge or be sympathetic or whatever (there was a few things I discussed!!) - so it was actually easier to be open with a stranger. If your dh and your supervisor think you should go, then they are obviously picking up on how you are feeling. I know it's very very hard to make the initial appt and go - but I really do think it sounds like it would benefit you.

I also like to think these days that it's such a normal thing to see a counsellor! I told a friend at work I'd seen one and she said "I saw a counsellor for a year after my marriage broke up!". It is such a common thing now - just saying that because I don't want you to be put off thinking there is a stigma attached to it as I really don't believe there is.

ps. i even convinced my dh to go years ago over issues with his mother. his psychologist listened and had some really good things to say that changed some things around in his head - it really does help sometimes to get a professional perspective. Friends are great but when a psychologist is good, they really do help a lot.

[Kary♥RN]

I have not went to a professional but I did start a private journal. I did considerate it, though. This past loss was also my second. I still have days were I morn... I think I morn more than I should. Things people say, something on TV or a song might set me off. I have felt better since writing and also I have a very good friend who lets me talk, and talk, and talk. She never judges, really dosen't offer much advice except what you are feeling is normal. Which is amazing since she has never had a loss. But has been a wounderful sounding wall.. and besides you ladies the only support. I mean real support I feel I have.

[Trish36]

Even though I haven't seen a 'specialist' all I can say that talking about the loss to has helped me tremendously. It was hard at first and just thinking about it made me cry, but the more I talked about it the easier it got and made me feel better. I think talking to a councellor would be helpful.

[..Red..]

I did. Or rather DH and I did. He had been going and when the loss happened we decided to go as well. It was good. More for just having a safe place were we both could be sad and not feel like we had to hide our feelings.

I do think however that it is important to know that not all therapists will work for you. If you don't feel comfortable the very first time, it's ok to find a different doctor. I know that if you try to go to a place where you aren't comfortable you will not find help and you will not be benefitted from trying to force yourself to do what you think you should accomplish at therapy.

[AngelBabies]

I see a professional now.... but its because of other things but I know that they all intertwine........ I have been there 5 times now and we have only briefly mentioned the twins....... if it comes up again i will discuss it with him because over the time i have a respect for him...... I unfortunately in the past (about 9 years ago) had to see a specialist and ohhhh yuck.. not good..... so now my theory is, if you see one and ANYthing 'feels' wrong... go to another one..... specially at the price they charge

[jen805]

I never have, but sometimes thing that maybe I should've! Best of luck with whatever you decide!