[vira32]

I am currently dealing with a miscarriage which happened about a month ago and my husband and I are ready to conceive again. The problem is that we live in the heart of a popular city which attracts a lot of tourists and visitors non-stop.

We get requests every month from people wanting to stay over with us. Just this month alone, we had 5 requests. Apart from the visits being too frequent, we live in a small studio so we have no privacy as everything is one room. So essentially we are sharing the same bedroom with our guests (with a small divider which we roll out at night to seperate the view of our bed from the futon where the guests sleep). It is a challenge to try to conceive and I even had stayover guests on the day of my miscarriage and the week after.

I got so emotional the other day about it, that I called up a close family member who I confide in and told her that I was going to cut of communication with the outside world temporarily as these non stop guest requests are stressing me out and that way, people cant reach me to even ask. I wanted to hide my facebook profile, screen calls, and write a bounceback on my e-mail that I am not available till X date. I know that if I don't do this, someone will ask again soon and I dont want to deal with that right now in my life.

This family member was understanding but she also 'reprimanded' me as she said several times that is the is the wrong way to handle things, why should I let this stress me out so much, I should just say no etc. I feel really emotional about her conversation.

Do you really think it is wrong to want to cut communication off from the outside world in this way while you are feeling overwhelmed or did she have no right in saying that 'this is the wrong way to hande things?'

[amandakay29]

I don't think she had a right to reprimand you. It's your house, your life and you can deal with it the way you want. If it's hard for you to say no to these people than your plan seems like the next logical one. You guys are allowed to have a life and you aren't a hotel!!! So please don't feel bad about it!

[amandakay29]

I don't think she had a right to reprimand you. It's your house, your life and you can deal with it the way you want. If it's hard for you to say no to these people than your plan seems like the next logical one. You guys are allowed to have a life and you aren't a hotel!!! So please don't feel bad about it!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think she should have reprimanded you, you're in a tough situation. Is there any way you can just be perfectly honest with anyone that asks to stay at your place? Just say, look I've had some health problems (if you don't want to get into it) and then offer up a different time for them to stay at your place. Say we've been swamped with work, health issues, ppl staying over, so I think we're going to take a break from having ppl over, how bout you visit us in August, Sept, etc.

You just need to do what makes you feel good b/c this is tough and you need to focus on yourself. I hope it all works out and KUP.

[Ryleeroo]

Originally Posted by amandakay29

I don't think she had a right to reprimand you. It's your house, your life and you can deal with it the way you want. If it's hard for you to say no to these people than your plan seems like the next logical one. You guys are allowed to have a life and you aren't a hotel!!! So please don't feel bad about it!

BTW, its completely normal how your feeling. I didnt want to deal with the questions, or people who still thought I was pregnant asking how I was......It was easier NOT to talk about it!

[tobynscarlett]

It is very hard to handle unwanted guests. I have found that the best way is not to completely cut off contact but to make it clear that you are unable to accomodate them at this time.

Example-

Caller: "Hey, I just wanted to let you know we were going to be in town next weekend!"

You: "That's wonderful!!! Do you need me to help you book a nice hotel room?"

That seems to be the best way to handle things.

[twoboys]

AS ABOVE.. perfect way to handle it.. and your guests should understand you have limited space.. thats frustrating, but always put yourself first, because no one else will, I have leaned that in life GL!!

[Boble]

i agree with just being open with them... Heathers example is great! if they then come back and say "oh, we were hoping to stay with you" just say 'i'm sorry, we would love for you to stay but its just not possible at the moment". or "we are not set up for visitors right now" surely you wouldn';t have to go into it any more then that?

I think locking yourself away from the world is maybe a bit of an extreme... although, i for one in the week following my m/c just wanted to be left alone so i didn't have to deal with anyone - so i can understand that frame of mind. *hugs* i hope you are able to get some time alone soon x

[missy123]

Maybe I am in the same frame of mind as you are as my loss was a month ago also. If you take the calls it may just lead to unwanted additional questions that you just don't feel like answering right now. I don't see anything wrong with your idea, as long as you just let everyone know you are ok, just need time to yourself - otherwise they will worry.

I haven't been taking phone calls at all today, I am just sad and want time to myself. If my friends/family can't understand that then I don't know what to tell them. I just need time to myself to heal right now. And as no one in my family has ever had a m/c they don't really understand what I am going through.

[mum74]

Originally Posted by Boble

i agree with just being open with them... Heathers example is great! if they then come back and say "oh, we were hoping to stay with you" just say 'i'm sorry, we would love for you to stay but its just not possible at the moment". or "we are not set up for visitors right now" surely you wouldn';t have to go into it any more then that?

I agree with the above in the 'I'm sorry it's just not possible for you to stay at the moment'. Don't got into details - you shouldn't have to. I can't believe how many visitors you have through your doors. dh & I always know we'll stay elsewhere if people don't have a spare bedroom - we wouldn't even ask! I'm so so sorry you had people stay with you the day of your miscarriage and the week after. I could not have handled that.

I did cut people off a bit - I still chatted to them if they called, but I didn't call people myself or try to catch up with friends for a couple of weeks. For me, I just needed to be with my dh and my sons and I just didn't want to think about anyone else. So I don't think it is so bad to cut off contact for a while if it's what you need. I mean, maybe it seems extreme to cut people off just so no one will ask to stay (as long as you felt able to say NO to visitors) - but if it's just because you need that time out just for you and dh and not having to think about anyone else, then I think that is entirely your prerogative.

[vira32]

Thanks for supportive replies everyone.

Missy 123 and Mum74, as we have experienced the aftermath of a miscarriage, it seems like you really understand where I am coming from.

[ilovefh]

I can't give you any advice as I am still going through my m/c but I can totally understand where you're coming from. I might do the same if we had guests wanting to stay with us!

[~~~Sara~~~]

I am sorry, that is tough and you deserve your privacy. You have every right to let your friends know it's not a good time for you, but you would love to refer them to a local hotel and maybe meet up with them for lunch or something to that effect. You do not need to go into detail, it's none of their business WHY you are saying no.

I'm so sorry about your loss, it is tough.

[mum74]

Originally Posted by vira32

Thanks for supportive replies everyone.

Missy 123 and Mum74, as we have experienced the aftermath of a miscarriage, it seems like you really understand where I am coming from.

I hope you have been able to have some quiet time with just you and dh.