Starting Today

rebeccabaltimore and more · #1 May 11th, 2009, 01:07 PM

So I start my fertility drugs today. I had so much fun TTC my first, but after losing my son, I really just want this time to get the TTC over with. I'm having trouble getting excited. I just want to be pregnant already. That's really why I haven't been around here that much - I feel like I don't fit in, because I just want to get it over with. I hade due date buddies and they're all as big as houses and decorating the nurseries, and I'm going to support groups for infant loss.

Have you ladies ever dealt with this? Do you have any words of wisdom to help me be happy and enjoy this?

I really don't want to feel this way, I want TTC to be fun, not a chore.

missy123 · #2 May 11th, 2009, 01:35 PM

I am feeling the same way honey. I don't want to wait, I don't want to think of BD'ing as a task to be sure we do it on the "right days", I am scared because what if I lose another baby... I just want to have a baby to hold in my arms and sing to and feed and love and all of it. After a loss it takes all of the fun out of getting and being pregnant because of fear.

I am sure we will get some great advice and stories....

((Hugs))

farasha · #3 May 11th, 2009, 02:31 PM

Hugs hun. It's not easy. None of us want to be TTC'ing again. But I hope you can use this group as a support system whenever you need it. In doing this together, and trying to make the most fun of it by convincing each other to POAS and list our EPS and stalk each other's charts... I don't know... I think it's the closet thing to making this as bearable as possible. Because we're doing it together, and no one is ever alone. I just had my second loss three days ago. I don't want to be back on this board TTC again. But if I want children, I have to do it. And honestly, if this is how my life is going to go, there's nowhere or anyone I'd rather share this journey with then the girls on this board. I wish I could press a magic back in time button to get us all back to healthy pregnancies!!!!

Sorry that might not be much help... but lots of hugs hunny! You may not be excited to do this, but we all understand and we are all behind you and can not WAIT TO SEE THAT BFP!

starrsgirl · #4 May 11th, 2009, 03:42 PM

I hear you! I'm scared to death to TTC again. I wish I could just skip the whole first trimester. I just keep reminding myself that I want a child and will go to any lengths to try. It is scary to try...but ultimately it will be worth it. Hang in there!

missy123 · #5 May 11th, 2009, 04:42 PM

Farasha - I am so sorry for your loss.

Trish36 · #6 May 11th, 2009, 05:26 PM

I'm sorry! And like Kristin said, I hope that you can use the support you have here to get you through this time and hopefully you will have that BFP in no time and in 9 months hold your beautiful baby.

megal40 · #7 May 11th, 2009, 05:57 PM

Oh hun. I sooooooo can relate. In just the last few days I have been feeling very blah about this whole thing. I can tell my body isn't back to "normal" yet but we are TTC this cycle.-- if I even O. I don't want to POAS. I don't want to take my temp. I don't want to but we take the cards that are dealt. I was doing really well lately but I think I am due for a trip over to the pregnancy loss board. I am just sad about the whole thing too.

Hugs to you. I hope we all get BFP soon. The a whole different set of worries gets to start.

Megan

twoboys · #8 May 11th, 2009, 07:33 PM

I think we have all felt the same way as you have.. and it doesnt seem fair at all, it isnt.. but know we are all here to support you.. stay strong and try to have fun with ttc again. GL!!!!

twoboys · #9 May 11th, 2009, 07:33 PM

I think we have all felt the same way as you have.. and it doesnt seem fair at all, it isnt.. but know we are all here to support you.. stay strong and try to have fun with ttc again. GL!!!!

twoboys · #10 May 11th, 2009, 07:33 PM

I think we have all felt the same way as you have.. and it doesnt seem fair at all, it isnt.. but know we are all here to support you.. stay strong and try to have fun with ttc again. GL!!!!

twoboys · #11 May 11th, 2009, 07:34 PM

I think we have all felt the same way as you have.. and it doesnt seem fair at all, it isnt.. but know we are all here to support you.. stay strong and try to have fun with ttc again. GL!!!!

momof6lopez · #12 May 11th, 2009, 08:46 PM

Im sorry you are feeling this way. I think this is why doctors tell us to wait so long after m/c. Our minds and hearts have to be healed so that we can see the beauty in trying again. The fear will never leave us completely when we do get pregnant, but the trying part has to be a new journey, not a reflection on our last lost. I try to look at it like, NTNP, this way there's stress on when to POAS, no stress on did it happen this month. But since your taking fertility medications, I know you have more of schedule to follow. I have fieled all of my energy's into other parts of my life and I try to just enjoy being married and TTC. I hope it gets easier for you and that your stay is short and too stressful.

.:Shortcake:. · #13 May 12th, 2009, 09:33 AM

Hun we all feel the same way. Please don't feel like you can't talk to us. We understand what your going through. I don't want to be TTC I want to be pregnant and have my little one in my arms.

rebeccabaltimore and more · #14 May 12th, 2009, 12:32 PM

I think part of the problem comes from my friends - I'm still friends with a lot of girls from my old (non-JM) pregnancy group, and girls I was pregnant with are now starting to have their babies. I don't want to give up these friendships - I really value them - but it's hard seeing them decorate nurseries and make birth plans. They're all as big as houses, waddling and uncomfortable, having Braxton-Hicks, and I'm taking fertility drugs and working out to lose baby weight. It's hard to get excited to TTC when I have these reminders of where I'm really supposed to be. But as I said, I REALLY value these relationships and want to be there for my friends the way they were there for me when Ethan died. Some girls in the pg group were so horribly cruel to me, so I really appreciate the girls who stuck by my side.

Maybe I just need to be around people excited to TTC. I added a ticker to my signature like you guys have. Are there any good websites or books that might help me get motivated? What gets you guys excited?