Totally Insensitive! Updated page 2!

ilovefh · #1 May 12th, 2009, 07:48 AM

I am in awe right now! I had a final yesterday that was basically just presenting my portfolio to the class. My professor is refusing to make any sort of accomodation for me even though I was in the hospital miscarrying and still am today. She is taking 10% off my final course grade for not being there. Here is why she feels justified.

Four weeks ago we went to the ER with bleeding. It was busy due to a HUGE car accident. On my discharge papers they put "miscarriage" as my diagnosis even though we saw the heartbeat. I explained to my prof. that the diagnosis was wrong, and we saw the heartbeat. I told her I wasn't sure why they had put that, except they were really busy! She said as far as she is concerned I miscarried 4 weeks ago, but if I want to submit everything to the Dean of Students she will abide by their decision. So now, today instead of being able to relax and grieve (and finish miscarrying) I am running around making phone calls to get everything together.

It really makes me appreciate my other professor who is so understanding and is willing to work with me. I missed a final yesterday and he said I could take it Wednesday, but if I wasn't ready Wednesday he would work with me.

What a nightmare! How can people be like this?

megal40 · #2 May 12th, 2009, 07:56 AM

I have learned that if you haven't gone through a m/c or had someone close to you go through it, you just don't get it. Some people are more understanding but for the most part they just don't understand. People who have children may be more compassionate because they can imagine losing their own child but people without children don't have even a remote clue. I know a few friends of mine that don't have kids have been as supportive as they can but I can tell that they just don't get the heartbreak-- and they are friends. Professors, bosses, etc. look at it as an "excuse." You are not being lazy-- you are loosing you child!

Try to take care of your "paperwork" and possibly go back to the Dr to get confirmation that you are currently miscarrying-- not 4 weeks ago.

Take care of yourself. I am sorry for your loss.

*SamF* · #3 May 12th, 2009, 07:57 AM

What a b*&^%!!!
I'm so sorry she was like this to you! I'm sure the dean's office will side with you. Hopefully they will reprimand her or something for being so insensitive!

farasha · #4 May 12th, 2009, 08:01 AM

This is outrageous! It's true that most people don't understand how hard this is, but this lady is just crossing the line! I am SO SORRY you have to deal with this extra complete BS! I would definitely file a complaint against her!

I am so angry for you!!!

Hugs sweetie.

ilovefh · #5 May 12th, 2009, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by megal40

I have learned that if you haven't gone through a m/c or had someone close to you go through it, you just don't get it. Some people are more understanding but for the most part they just don't understand. People who have children may be more compassionate because they can imagine losing their own child but people without children don't have even a remote clue. I know a few friends of mine that don't have kids have been as supportive as they can but I can tell that they just don't get the heartbreak-- and they are friends. Professors, bosses, etc. look at it as an "excuse." You are not being lazy-- you are loosing you child!

Try to take care of your "paperwork" and possibly go back to the Dr to get confirmation that you are currently miscarrying-- not 4 weeks ago.

Take care of yourself. I am sorry for your loss.

She does not have kids. Her excuse is that she teaches 18 yr old freshmen (I am a 28 yr old senior) and they will make up any excuse to miss things. I'm going to pretend to miscarrying my child at almost 11 weeks. Give me a break.

rebeccabaltimore and more · #6 May 12th, 2009, 08:06 AM

That's INSANE. I suppose you could tear off your pants and show her that you are miscarrying. I hope she gets fired.

ilovefh · #7 May 12th, 2009, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebeccabaltimore

That's INSANE. I suppose you could tear off your pants and show her that you are miscarrying. I hope she gets fired.

Thank you! That gave me a much needed laugh!!

#8 May 12th, 2009, 08:18 AM

You can definitely report this woman. I would try to get the hospital you went to that wrongly put "miscarrying" when you saw the heartbeat and see if they'd change it. Other than that, if they don't fix that, she is still way out of line. Can your current doc or hospital give you a medical record stating you are in fact going through this and fax it straight to her?

She probably won't be fired but hopefully they'll make her apologize and put this on her record. Your dean is the best person to go to on this.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I seriously want to punch this lady for you.

mlyster · #9 May 12th, 2009, 08:19 AM

Rebecca - that made me laugh too!

The previous posters have hit it on the head... if you have not gone through it you can not understand. Hopefully with a little education from a properly worded doctors note this woman will get it. I can not believe you have to go through this on top of the m/c.

Trish36 · #10 May 12th, 2009, 08:28 AM

I would try to get a medical note or record of sorts that proves that you are only now oficially going through the m/c. how aweful!! People who have no children or have not gone through a loss just don't understand and some are just @$$holes anyway. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. but I would definately report her.

.:Shortcake:. · #11 May 12th, 2009, 08:32 AM

That is terrible! I hope the dean is understanding and does something to her!

~Lynda~ · #12 May 12th, 2009, 08:52 AM

wow that is really bad!!! what an insensitive person!!!! ouch!!!! i'm sorry you have to deal with HER!!!! i am also very very sorry for your loss hun!!!!!! HUGS

ilovefh · #13 May 12th, 2009, 09:39 AM

Thanks everyone! Whew, what a day! Thankfully my doctor's office is great and his nurses are fantastic! I just called and spoke to one of the nurses she is also appalled. My prof. said she would abide by whatever the Dean of Student's says. So the nurse is writing a letter saying I was seen for a possible miscarriage on 4/13 but that all was well. It will also say that I am currently miscarrying. I did call the Dean of her department and she said she is sorry, but the prof. handles the grading. Let's hope this solves the problem. I am so disgusted by this woman!

~Angela~ · #14 May 12th, 2009, 09:48 AM

To bad she had to take out her own miseries on you, Wow. I hope she feels sorry once she sees the paperwork, but somehow I don't think she is very empathetic.

Sue46 · #15 May 12th, 2009, 11:49 AM

I just want to add that karma is a ***** and she'll get hers. I CANNOT fathom someone being such an *** munch!

Kary♥RN · #16 May 12th, 2009, 12:26 PM

Ditto to all the above!!! SHE SUCKS!!!!!!

~~~Sara~~~ · #17 May 12th, 2009, 11:42 PM

How awful that she can not take your word for what you are going through. Either she is a miserable person or has been lied to a lot in the past. That is really sad, i am sorry you are suffering a loss and also having to figure out your school stuff too.

dragonfly2006 · #18 May 13th, 2009, 07:41 AM

Ok so I understand if she has not gone through it or that people that have never m/c dont get it but what is there not to get??? before I had mine when I heard of others m/c I knew that it was a big deal...she is a major ***** I would have punched her in the face if I were you that is more than just insensitve that is wrong and I would report her and do everything in my power to get her fired. 1st put aside the emotional part of it but the physical part of it is def an excuse to miss school...I was in labor and had excrutiating(sp?) pain and could not leave the bathroom...hearing this makes me want to march in there and hit her myself..lol I cant believe someone would say that to you..kudos for not killing her!