[FruitLoopLace]

ever get excited about a positive pregnancy again? How do you bring yourself to telling anyone? How do you control the fear?Will the fear override the whole pregnancy?

[missy123]

Right now I am just taking it one moment at a time. There are times when I can smile and talk about TTC again and there are times when I burst out crying for what should have been.

Maybe it's because I am older and been a single mom for 14 years with many, many struggles but if I lived my life in fear I would not be where I am today. I am trying to hold onto the positive right now that god will give me another baby. My biggest fear is because of my age not being able to have another but again it is moments.

Your loss is still so new honey. I was where you are a few weeks ago. Just let yourself feel these feelings, don't hold back. I leaned on the loss group so much I thought they were going to get sick of me - but they didn't. They all listened and just offered hugs if they didn't know what to say and it has really helped me.

My angel babies will always be with me but I am also looking forward to one I can hold.

I am so sorry you are going through this pain.

[FruitLoopLace]

I dont want to feel the pain, I want it just to GO AWAY!!! I dont need more stress and hurt in my life right now, I had enough BEFORE This!!! I cant seem to even GRIEVE right, this waiting is unbearable. I want to skip all this. I dont want this anymore!!!

[twoboys]

I think everyone is different, and in your own time when you feel ready and conceive again, you just have to take it one day at a time, and tell people as you feel ready to tell them. It will be scary, but you have to take that chance, because its worth it.. and just pray for a sticky bean!!

[missy123]

Originally Posted by FruitLoopLace

I dont want to feel the pain, I want it just to GO AWAY!!! I dont need more stress and hurt in my life right now, I had enough BEFORE This!!! I cant seem to even GRIEVE right, this waiting is unbearable. I want to skip all this. I dont want this anymore!!!

I felt that way Yesterday. I honestly feel your pain, and understand it. I have tears in my eyes for you, I so wish you did not have to go through this. There is no right way to grieve, everyone goes through different processes.

Vent away sweetheart, It really does help. I have "lived" on JM for the past month. I vented a lot on these boards.

I am really sorry. I wish it were different for you.

[FruitLoopLace]

Im sorry if I seem so angery,I am not, not anyone here, just BECAUSE, I hate being angery. i feel like it is my only emotion

[rebeccabaltimore and more]

I started journaling. I HATE journaling. I always have. But I needed to work on my grief during the day, so that I wouldn't have nightmares at night. I bought a fancy journal, and a fancier pen. I repurposed an end table as a writing table. Every few days, I write a letter to my son. It really helps me sort through all the crazy emotions.

[missy123]

Dont worry about offending anyone with your emotions. They are all real and completely normal. Be as angry as you want to be, it will help you heal a little.

I feel very helpless and wish I could make it easier for you.

Rebecca, how are your nightmares? I think I am still having them everynight but I only wake up from them once every 3 days or so now.... Progress! JM is like my ongoing journal.

[szczepanski]

My midwife and I talked about this at my appointment yesterday. I wanted to know what could be done when I was pregnant again to ease my mind. She said if I started getting nervous at 5 weeks, I could come in for blood work. If I started to get nervous at 7/8 weeks and I hadn't been seen yet (which would be unlikely because she wants to see me at 8 weeks) to call the nurses and they would schedule an early ultrasound for us.

The waiting is the hardest part. I started to miscarry 2 days after I started spotting.....but it was a long, drawn out process that took a month of bleeding to finally finish. It wasn't until the physical part was over that I started to feel better. It wasn't a constant, negative reminder of our loss.

It gets better though. Each day, just a tiny bit better......but the start really sucks.

[farasha]

Hey sweetie,

I'm so sorry for your loss hunny. I know how fresh these feelings are, and the are hard. I usually go through guilt, sadness, anger, and then back to sadness. Fear is mixed in there too. For me, it took me months the first time to start to smile and I honestly was really scared to get pregnant again. I just have to keep reminding myself (and my DH and the ladies here remind me too) that if I want a child, I have to try. I have to move forward. We're all going to have bad days and better days, but we will always remember what we've been through before. All these emotions are normal, and I think it's healthy to express them however you can.

For helping with the fear, you should definitely find a Dr. who is willing to check up on your more often. As for telling people, that's a personal choice. For me, I don't like people to know I'm pregnant, but sometimes you need to tell people just to share that joy and get that support.

We'll be here for you when you're ready too ttc again!

[ilovefh]

Originally Posted by farasha

Hey sweetie,

I'm so sorry for your loss hunny. I know how fresh these feelings are, and the are hard. I usually go through guilt, sadness, anger, and then back to sadness. Fear is mixed in there too. For me, it took me months the first time to start to smile and I honestly was really scared to get pregnant again. I just have to keep reminding myself (and my DH and the ladies here remind me too) that if I want a child, I have to try. I have to move forward. We're all going to have bad days and better days, but we will always remember what we've been through before. All these emotions are normal, and I think it's healthy to express them however you can.

For helping with the fear, you should definitely find a Dr. who is willing to check up on your more often. As for telling people, that's a personal choice. For me, I don't like people to know I'm pregnant, but sometimes you need to tell people just to share that joy and get that support.

We'll be here for you when you're ready too ttc again!

Great advice! I need to remember that! If I want kids, I will have to try again!

I can relate to how you feel fruitlooplace! I feel like the only thing that will make me feel better is to get pg again ASAP, but the thought of how worried I will be next time has my DH nervous. I was nervous this time, and he is scared it will be worse next time!

I told people right away this time even though my mom warned me not to. I try to think I won't tell people next time, but I am sure I will. Thankfully it has been helpful that people knew. They are more understanding, well minus my one professor, which is helpful. My best friend, who I don't see very often because he is dealing with his own issues, even drove an hour to see me and make sure all was well. I'm hoping next time I can keep it to myself, except my close friends, until 13 weeks, but that remains to be seen!

[jen805]

Someone once told me that you have to be "in it to win it"... We have no way of knowing or predicting what will happen in the future... the same as we have no way of knowing each time we get in our car if we're going to get in an accident. It's super scary, and the innocence is gone forever, but you learn to (another great one) "fake it until you make it"... and when you do, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray with all your might that you're blessed with your forever earth bound angel baby. I know for me I felt robbed of being pg... and I knew I wanted to try again straight away... unfortunately here I am still, more than a year later... however, it's still just as scary. So I truly wish you the best... give yourself time, hon... time to heal your broken heart, and grieve in your own way... vent, scream, cry, yell, stomp your feet, punch a pillow--you have to allow yourself that release of emotions... it all helps in the grieving process, and we'll be here to try to cheer you up, and cheer you on!

[tobynscarlett]

It's a difficult time for you right now. Just remember that anger is a part of the grief, be angry. Be furious if you need to, but when that "I hate the world for what has happened to me" feeling starts to subside- LET IT!! When you find something funny, let yourself laugh. When something makes you happy, let yourself smile. Anger is a very easy emotion for us to hold on to because it's the only emotion that doesn't make us feel guilty. You are not betraying your child when you find something that pleases you. Your baby would not want to be the reason that you are sad, try your best to be joyful that you had your child for even a short time. It is the most difficult thing you will ever do, but it is possible to replace that anger with love.

If I remember correctly, you have not begun to miscarry, is that correct? That must be difficult to deal with right now. Is there any chance you would be willing to ask your dr for something (either meds or a procedure) that would help you to start the process? Of course, that is a very personal decision, but I recently read of a study that found that if a mother does not begin to miscarry (or have a procedure like a d&c) within 3 days of finding out she has lost her baby, it begins to be detrimental to her mental health. Not that you would go crazy, but it can be a very difficult thing to live with and the waiting is hell.

As for getting pg again. I am currently 12 1/2wks and I can tell you that there are equal moments of joy and complete fear. After having a loss you lose your innocence in a way. At this point it doesn't matter to me that I had 2 completely healthy and uncomplicated pregnancies before my loss, I am still afraid of losing another one. But, I also feel the need to rise and conquer. I don't want my loss to define me, I want the fact that I am a good mother to be in the forefront. I have to tell myself that I will be successfu, I will have another baby (I have already proven that I CAN) and I will love all 4 of my babies, even though one is no longer here with me.

You will get through this, just take it one breath at a time. We are all here for you.

[~Lynda~]

you know, i ask myself that EVERY day. my friend asked me what is the first thing i will do after getting a pos pregnancy test (besides telling DH) and i told her, crawl into a corner and shake in fear!!!!! how sad is that. she couldn't believe my answer. But i've been through three total losses, so i'm abit nervous!!!

i really thing for me, there will be no way around the fear. i hope it is different for you ladies!!!

[..Jessica..]

Honestly...WHEN it happens for me again.. I don't know what I'd do, or feel, or say.