The hardest part so far...

HarpersGirl · #1 May 15th, 2009, 08:10 PM

I know I havent responded back to my first topic, but I will get to it. Just lately my heads spinning and I really dont know what to say to everyone.

But these past couple of days, the hardest thing for me is these da*n hormones. I m/c a week ago (at 5 weeks), but I still have that sick ball in my throat I'm gonna hurl any moment feeling. I still have the nose bleeds, which I got with Kaleb as well. And not to mention the dark "ahem" (I hate the n word, ya know, your breast but more specific!) are still here. I still get those twitches in my stomach, and I'm not even going to go on about every sip of coffee I take, I stop and think of our child that we will never meet. I'm still over annalysing everything I do, trying not to harm our little one. It's like my mind is still stuck on being pregnant, my body still wants to act like it, but I know I am not. I have been strong with everything, but one can only be so strong when these things just wont go away. Urrghh. Sorry to vent on everyone...

On a more positive note, we are skipping the 3 month wait, and TTC asap... my "love" for DF increased with this (mentally and physically) and that is another change that hasnt gone away *wink* Soo, whoo hoo for that!

Ok now Im smiling

farasha · #2 May 16th, 2009, 04:39 AM

Hugs sweetie. It will get easier. You'll never forget these things, but it will get easier. The hormones might take a few weeks to leave your body, and which time your pregnancy symptoms should start to subside. It's hard to move on when you're body is in the way, isn't it!!!? But I promise that you'll physically start to feel better soon.

I'm glad you'll be ttc again soon! I can't wait for you to have your BFP!

farasha · #3 May 16th, 2009, 04:39 AM

Hugs sweetie. It will get easier. You'll never forget these things, but it will get easier. The hormones might take a few weeks to leave your body, and which time your pregnancy symptoms should start to subside. It's hard to move on when you're body is in the way, isn't it!!!? But I promise that you'll physically start to feel better soon.

I'm glad you'll be ttc again soon! I can't wait for you to have your BFP!

ilovefh · #4 May 16th, 2009, 06:27 AM

I know how you feel, while I didn't have many symptoms, my body is still m/c which is such a horrid reminder of what went on. I just keep telling myself it will get better!

tobynscarlett · #5 May 16th, 2009, 07:39 AM

Life immediately after miscarriage is difficult for all of the reasons you just mentioned. I am happy to hear that you are going to TTC now instead of waiting. Stick around here and get the support that you need- it truly helps to have an outlet where you can vent.

mlyster · #6 May 16th, 2009, 08:03 AM

Donna - these ladies have hit it on the head. It does get easier. But you are only a week away from it. Let yourself feel and think everything you need to. You will never forget but what you remember changes and dulls over time. Don't get me wrong I have days when I am a mess (2 months from my m/c) but they are getting fewer and farther between.

I am glad you are TTC right away. It does not replace what you have lost but it keeps you mind occupied on what the future holds.

jen805 · #7 May 16th, 2009, 08:05 AM

It took 6 weeks for the hcg to completely leave my system... it was such a hard 6 weeks... knowing I had lost my baby, but my body still feeling like I was pg.... even though I m/c at home and rationallyKNEW I m/c'd, that little hope remained... maybe there's some way I still am... maybe there was more than one... maybe they were wrong.... it's really traumatic, and I wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemy!

I hope your body gets back to 'normal' as soon as possible so you can jump right back on the rollercoaster ride of TTCAL!

~Lynda~ · #8 May 16th, 2009, 11:10 AM

i'm so sorry for your loss. you are amongst women here who totally understand. i'm glad you decided to start ttc again!!!! just know that your cycle could be outta whack after m/c. my two after my m/c were totally outta whack. i'm hoping this one is a bit more normal!!!! it also took me 6 weeks to have hcg outta my system. but i m/c'd at 12 weeks. the further along you are the more hcg you have and the longer it can take. HUGS to you and best of luck!!!!

HarpersGirl · #9 May 16th, 2009, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jen805

... even though I m/c at home and rationallyKNEW I m/c'd, that little hope remained... maybe there's some way I still am... maybe there was more than one... maybe they were wrong....

Thats exactly how Ive been feeling, like there is still hope. Like I'll wake up and take a test and it will come back positive and something happened that I am pregnant again! It doesnt help that my tests came back positive, and the doctors didnt, but she said hers are not as strong and to keep testing. I still havent been able to go back for my tests, seems DF's family is avoiding me at the moment, but I can understand that. REalisticly, I know its not soo, but the mother in me is still fighting for my child. This would be a bit easier if I didnt have a 24/7 reminder of what I lost with Kaleb being around... sigh.

I went through 3 years of TTC with my ex of 6 years... I know the rollercoaster that can bring! I was expeting the same this time lol I know my chances are slim but we're gonna try anyways. Thankfully the bleeding has only last 4 days, not weeks like I was told it would.

.:Shortcake:. · #10 May 16th, 2009, 01:44 PM

Good luck TTC hun. I hope you don't have to wait long at all!

..Jessica.. · #11 May 16th, 2009, 05:07 PM

I'm sorry Donna!!!

You will get through this girlie!!!! And we'll be here for you the entire way!!

..Penelope.. · #12 May 17th, 2009, 07:58 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, honey. *HUGS*

It's been over 3 months since we learned that Autumn had passed away, and some days it still feels unreal...like it must have happened to someone else. And there are so many reminders, every day. I don't know if that ever goes away, but it does get a little less raw to deal with.

Kary♥RN · #13 May 17th, 2009, 09:06 AM

HUGS, Sorry you have to go through this.. HUGS again.

Trish36 · #14 May 17th, 2009, 11:23 AM

I'm so sorry! The first few weeks are the hardest. I had a missed m/c and when I found out at my u/s it was a Thursday and I had to wait until Monday to go see a dr. It was the longest weekend of my life, knowing that the baby had died, but still being pregnant. The first few weeks after m/c I would cry over anything. But life has to go on and the knowledge that I was going to ttc as soon as possible and the TTCAL ladies have helped me so much. HUGS!!!!! Your sadness won't ever go away completely. but it will get better with time.