[..Michelle..]

I was just posting in my other forum on this board and realized how p!ssed I am at my step sister. Here lately I've been like a hawk watching her since she's just days away from popping out #4 my new niece. She's 25 and already on #4. I'm 30 and waiting for a forever baby.
ANYWAY, this is my problem. When Roman was born she wasn't there, neither were my step-mom or Dad. The fatefully day we decided Roman deserved better than to struggle here on Earth and let him go to our Heavenly Father, my step-sister was asked if she wanted to hold Roman. He wasn't weird looking, no outer "defects". Like that should matter anyway! And her response was "If I want to hold a baby I have 3 healthy kids I have at home to hold." And she never held him before he grew wings
My step-mom thinks I should be with my sister 24/7 since I live closer to her but I just can't put those harsh words behind me when I think of her delivering soon and her wanting me to hold her baby. I've thought of some wicked things I could say such as "My baby sleeps in Heaven, so he's more important to me than your baby." But I would never say that since I'm not an outwardly rude person, I just think of this stuff but never say it. I sugar coat everything and try not to step on toes.
I'm just so p!ssed right now and don't know how I can handle being in the hospital with the newborn babies. It hasn't even been a year since Roman's birth and death.
My dad married her mom when I was 12 so it's not like we're "new step sisters", but you would think that my step-mom would know that this is a rough time for me as my step-brother (her son) committed suicide just 3 years ago and she's lost a child (well he was 28) but it's the same scenario I think.
If you've made it this far, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I'm in the 2ww right now and I just don't need all this added stress. Ever, not just now but any time. My anxiety disorder and panic disorder are getting the best of me as of lately because of this. Any advice would surely and truly be welcome.

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UPDATE : Well step sis had a baby girl Tuesday at 12:56pm via natural birth at the hospital, Hayleigh Ann H. She FINALLY called me around 7pm to tell me (tried to keep me out of the loop I guess....she was calling me almost every 5 minutes just days before and we spent Memorial Day together)
I drove to the hospital alone, Brad had to stay home since he had a customer coming late. I walked into the hospital and immediately started shaking. I held my composure and went to the elevator and went up to her floor. The whole place smelled like "baby" if you know what I mean. 3 other ladies were there as well who all had baby girls too. (Weird I know, oh and it's a relatively small hospital). I went into her room and BAM! was immediately shoved a baby into my arms. She is absolutely beautiful! She is 8pounds and 19 and 1/2 inches long. I rocked her and walked her and just wanted to run out of the hospital with her (Not that I EVER would....omg, now some of you think I'm some creepy child stealer) After about 45 minutes I just started bawling....I gave Hayleigh back to my step sis and I told her I had to go. I kinda felt bad about leaving but I just couldn't handle being there anymore. I got home (driving thru tears the whole way) and Brad's customer was still at the house, ugh! Brad asked if I was ok and I said yeah (as I'm bawling) and he was like "just go inside honey and I'll be in shortly" His customer (who is a missionary to Africa who aids widowed women, AIDS afflicted families / people by building them new homes) asked why I was so upset at the birth of a new niece and Brad proceeded to tell him the story. The customer (who's name was Ben...very very nice man!) started crying and telling us about all the abandoned children he met in Africa due to several people being killed off via machete by mercinaries! Then we all were bawling and just kind of "clicked" and that made me feel a bit better.....well not the losses, but the closeness of the situation if you know what I mean.....
Well you should be commended if you got this far. I just needed to get this off my shoulders and know I didn't do the wrong thing. Big 's to all my girls!
Michelle T.

[Joliemommy]

ur step sisters comment about holding Roman was SO outta line I wouldve asked her to leave and called her out in front of everyone ( at a later date) for it!!! I understand u wanting to get back at her, Id feel the same way. Sorry ur going thru this, ultimately u make ur own decisons about what u do, ie being with her , holding her baby etc...

[rhyssa]

I do not know what to say...
Iam so sad for you. Maybe you should let your stepsister know that you are having a hard time around little ones and ask her to understand if you can't make it to the hospital.
As for everyone else, people who have not been where you are do not get it at all.
If your stepmom gives you a hard time about not being with your sister, maybe your dh can tell her why.
Just know that iam here for you if you need to vent!
And know that you are going to have that little one that you so deserve soon!!

[farasha]

Michelle,
I am so sorry that on top of a horrible situation, your step -sister said something so selfish and cruel. You have every right to be upset and think this way, but I very much admire how strong you've been during her pregnancy. I can totally understand wanting to say these things to her. I don't think anyone would blame you for not making a decision yet on how to handle this, and not going to the hospital if you don't want to. If I were you, I'd take each day at a time and decide whether or not you are ready or willing to go see her when the time comes. Your family should understand what you are going through. It's unfortunate if they do not, but I think you and your emotional health are way more important right now and I'd like to see you take care of you!

Lots of hugs hun... sorry if that advice made no sense at all, but my basic point is do what you need to do to get through this!

Michelle,
I am so sorry that on top of a horrible situation, your step -sister said something so selfish and cruel. You have every right to be upset and think this way, but I very much admire how strong you've been during her pregnancy. I can totally understand wanting to say these things to her. I don't think anyone would blame you for not making a decision yet on how to handle this, and not going to the hospital if you don't want to. If I were you, I'd take each day at a time and decide whether or not you are ready or willing to go see her when the time comes. Your family should understand what you are going through. It's unfortunate if they do not, but I think you and your emotional health are way more important right now and I'd like to see you take care of you!

Lots of hugs hun... sorry if that advice made no sense at all, but my basic point is do what you need to do to get through this!

[Trish36]

Oh Michelle, your step-sister's comment was just beyond rude. I can't even imagine what I would have done. I don't understand why your step-mom would even ask you to be with her...why isn't she with her. You have your own family and don't need to babysit someone else. This just makes me so mad. I would not go to the hospital for her delivery. HUGS!!!

[L-SBB]

I'm going to ditto Kristin....too often we put everyone's needs ahead of our own, and I think your emotional health is the most important thing here. If you feel up to visiting, great, but if you don't I'd explain why and you can always see them later when you're ready. HUGS

[amandakay29]

I agree with Kristen and Lara! Look out for yourself sweetie!

[~~~Sara~~~]

I don't have advice, but a huge hug. I am sorry your stepsister is not more sensitive, geez!

[..Michelle..]

Trish, my step b!tch is just that a b!tch. Because my step sister is HER daughter (I'm my dad's and biological mommys daughter......love my "Real" mom to bits and my step dad I love more than my "real" dad.......well not love him more, respect him more), my step b!tch thinks that cuz I'm off of work right now I should tend to step sis's every whim, considering *insert whiny voice here* All step sis has gone thru just to get this far with this baby! All she's gone thru?!?! ***!?! I lost my son, she's just having a hard time carrying #4....where's my #1???? Well my #1 is Roman, but you know what I mean.
10 months and 2 weeks is all Roman has been gone. Give me some time before a new baby is shoved into my arms and I'm "forced" to love. Not that I won't love this new baby, I ADORE all my nieces and nephews, but when is it my time to be the center of attention?? It sure as H3LL wasn't when Roman passed, during his funeral my step b!tch and dad just kept bringing up my brother who committed suicide. My bio Mom and step Dad were there for me from the time my water broke, till Roman was laid to rest. The "other" set of parents weren't. Just when it was conveniant for them. They live only 30 minutes from me and my bio mom and step dad live in West Virginia 7 hours away!!! C'mon!!!
Ok, now I'm just getting more p!ssed and upset........

[BellaBellski]

omg I am so sorry that your (evil) step sister said that to you!!! That is unbelievable. I would plainly tell everyone, I'm sorry, but I am dealing with alot of my own and I don't need her stress as well, she has '3 healthy babies at home' she should know how to handle the fourth on her own Ugggggh!

Do what you need to do for yourself and your health. If she's having that hard of a time carrying her 4th child maybe her own mother could help her out. Or where's her husband in all this? I know plenty of women that have had 4 children and they manage just fine. I think she's a very rude person from what I've read and you do not need to go to that hospital and see newborns and have to deal with her. I honestly don't think it's good for you mentally. Maybe go on a walk and think things through and say politely that it's not in your best interest and health to be there. Or something like that. I wish you didn't have to go through this.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hun I agree with the other ladies. You need to think about yourself and do what is best for you.

[Kary♥RN]

Oh Michelle.. You need to do what is best for you... first not letting yourself get upset.. second.. putting your feelings first. You had brought up your step brothers death... While yes it is the loss of a child, I don't think it is the same feelings.. (I say this because when I used to be on the ambulance... and we had a child die.. It always hit me harder when the child was around my sons age.. We had a SIDS baby.. while it was sad my son was 12 at the time.. a few months later we had three kids killed by the Acella train.. one was a 13 year old boy.. I lost it.. it was like seeing my son.) SO you will see this baby... and your feelings of Roman will be overwhelming.. I wounder if your Step Mother will see it in the same way as you.... It goes back to YOU have to worry about you, your feelings, your HEART!!! And if people say something... Go to old faithfull.... YOU JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!. And if they want to know you can explain... if they still continue to ask.... REFER to old faithful and tell them when you can handle it, you will be there.

Good Luck.... HUGS HUGS HUGS

[sallyk61]

I wouldnt help her until it was what I wanted to do it.
If anyone said anything about her having a tough time I only NICE thing I would probably say would be something along the lines of Karma being a b----...
I personall think the fact you can even see her shows how strong you really are!
xxoo

[..Jessica..]

Honestly...

Your step-sister doesn't deserve a sister like you. Period.

She's an evil person, who is miserable in her own life, which is why she's miserable and rude toward other people.

Family? Nope, your family is Roman and Brad.

Tell both your step-sister and step-mother to stick it!

[klt]

Michelle, I can't believe anyone would say something so insensitive! I'm sorry that you had to go through that!

Here's the bottom line. You don't feel comfortable around her and you don't want to "be there" for her. After all, she really hasn't 'been there" for you. Tell her and your step-mother that the words that she spoke made you uncomfortable and that you'd rather be there for her when you're ready. Does your step-mom know what she said? If not, it's time she's informed (in a very calm and clear manner). If she knows, then just tell her that you are grieving and having a hard time with the loss and the words that were said.

You're a good person Michelle. Don't feel bad about dealing with the loss of Roman YOUR way, even if that means removing yourself from certain situations (especially ones that aren't mentally healthy for you at this time). Keep us updated.

[..Michelle..]

Updated in post #1.

Aww Michelle, that's a very emotional situation. I'm glad she had a healthy baby and you were able to make it to the hospital to see her. I don't think I could do that. And how wonderful to have such an understanding customer at home.

[*SamF*]

I remeber this from before- I can't believe your step-monster.

You did hte right thing, but don't push yourself. If you feel like seeing the baby later, knowing what you have said in the past about your step-sis I'm sure she will gladly pawn her off on you.

[rebeccabaltimore and more]

Since you have to be nice to them because they are family, I am going to go ahead and hate your step-b!tch and step-sis for you. Since losing my son in February I have lost the ability to stick a cork in it and be nice, I'm so impressed that you are able to do it!