[FruitLoopLace]

also posted this in pregnancy loss, wasnt sure where to post


I am being very TMI here. I assume that is okay. I decied DH has waited long enough for me to start to M/C, and just thought is would help move things along if it was meant to be. We DTD today.I physically actually needed to be needed and loved. I was still feeling pretty numb through it, but somewhere deep down, I know it helped. So I called the doctor and left a message to ask for one more scan and pills if there isnt anything there because mentally I am THROUGH with waiting.
Well, I started to pink today when I wiped after I had a bowl movement and starting to slightly cramp. I feel bad that I am excited to get this OVER, because i want to be able to actually cry GOODBYE not whats to come. I am actually doing better the last couple days, just waiting. I am actually thinking I got so angery and cried so much for the first days, that I am to tired and done to have any left. My DH now knows about the flowers I bought for Lavender I said I bought for me. I told him I tooka picture of the flowers and posted it here by her name and will be keeping them somewhere when they dry out. He walked over and smelled them and was appriciating what I did. He is a good man. I just have a hard time excepting his love when I am hurt. My first reaction to anything when I hurt is anger. I never think things through ,I think it is part of being ADHD. I hope this is it,could it be it or just that I had sex? please let me knowyour thoughts. Thanks for readin like always

[..Jessica..]

We all understand your reasons for having that need of wanting to be needed and loved. Trust me when I say that!!!

I'm thinking of you girl! I hope your doctor can help you!!

[klt]

Waiting for a m/c is really hard. It's with you, hanging over your head, every minute of every day. But, for me, I think it was a good way to grieve. I waited over 2 weeks. When the actual m/c took place, I was "ready" for it. I had waited a long time and I needed to move on. But, the loss was NO LESS emotional when it happened. Even though I had been waiting, the thought of losing my baby was very present. I sobbed.

Being close to your DH was what you needed to do...like buying the flowers. We all look for different forms of comfort. I hope everything normalizes for you and you can move on. You'll never forget your angel, but, you will get used to remembering your baby each day rather than being able to hold her.

Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers

[megal40]

Not that a m/c is something to look forward to but I understand your need to "progress" in this process.

Good luck. We are here for you!

I don't have much to add but just want you to know that I understand and "get" what you're saying. I hope things move along so you are able to start the process of grieving and TTC again when you're ready. We are here for you.

[KDD]

I think I'm fortunate that I didn't have to wait long after my loss was diagnosed. I hope that it happens quickly so you can start to move on.

[szczepanski]

I didn't have to wait long for my miscarriage to start after I found out what was going on (2 days) but I dealt with it for a month. Kept thinking the bleeding would stop and everything would be fine. I had to take some meds about 3 weeks after it started to get it going - they really were not bad at all and coupled with the pain killers I slept through most of it. Have you thought about asking for the Misoprostol/Cytotec to take? It will speed up the process and is still considered natural. I was terrified of surgery.

[ilovefh]

I know how are are feeling and I am so sorry! No one should have to deal with that pain! I can understand wanting the waiting to be over with. I think it would be like you can't grieve yet. Check with your doctor about misoprostol. My body was not totally recognizing my m/c so I needed that to get things going and it wasn't too bad, physically anyway. All of your feelings are normal. I just needed DH to hold me all last week...and at night now that I am back at work. You're in my thoughts and prayers!

[starrsgirl]

It's OK if you sometimes feel like you have to push your DH away...sometimes when you are grieving, you have to take care of yourself and allow DH to take care of you. He sounds like a great man for you! I wouldn't worry too much about the status of your relationship right now...there are a lot of emotions going on. Just accept that he is there for you and take some time for yourself to heal.

[~Lynda~]

i waited four long weeks till my body started the process. it was horrible to wait!!!! i totally get what you are saying. i hope it is starting for you hun!!!! HUGS and i'm so very sorry for your loss.

[~~~Sara~~~]

I am sorry for what you are going through. I think it's normal to be angry at a loss, I know I was both times. I hope you can look at the flowers and smile just a teeny bit.

[Kary♥RN]

We all understand what you are feeling, I had my d/e a week and 1 day after we lost our heartbeat.. I had a hard time with a week. I regreated wait that long.. I was so sick.. and had all the prgenancy symptoms.. I cried everyday. I went to work.. trying to keep my mind off of it.. HUGS for what you are going through. I hope this happens quick for you. HUGS

[tobynscarlett]

You know a thought just occured to me- do you have a memory box for baby Lavender??? Lots of ladies have them, mine is one of my most cherished possesions. When you mentiond keeping the dried flowers it ocurred to me that you may not have a special box. You should start one, the are very therapeutic- in mine I have anything that reminds me of Zachary, even copies of my chart from the dr's office and hospital. I have a book that bought at the store, pictures of my pg tests, pics of him, hospital Id bracelets...etc. I realize that you may not have all of these items, but you could do small things like write Lavender a letter, put in any pics you may have while you were pg, buy a small teddy bear or blanket, or get a special ornament to hang on the tree every christmas (mine will go back in the box at the end of dec). You could also get a plain box from the craft store and decorate it yourself. There are so many ways you could honor baby Lavender, and that would help you so much with your grief.

I hope this helps, I know my box has been a blessing to me!!!

[.:Shortcake:.]

Huge hugs hun. I really hope that this ends quickly for you so you can start healing emotionally and physically.