[taralyn]

Ever since my loss my DH has been all about trying to get pregnant again. Even right after my D&C when the Dr. said we could start trying again right away, and I wasn't so sure I was ready, he was still all about it. The first pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, since we literally just stopped using any form of birth control, but he was super excited and involved with everything right away (more than I was, which is probably why I blame myself, but that's a whole other issue)

Anyways, we've only been TTC for a couple of cycles, and I've been trying to not stress but I want to be pregnant...like NOW!! I just worry about putting too much pressure on him. Last month I got so crazy about it that I pretty much forced him at one point and then he couldn't finish (totally TMI I know...but we have seriously never had this problem before) and he said it was because I was putting too much pressure on him. I told him I was going to use OPK's this month and everything and he just kind of laughs and tells me to calm down and that we need to have fun with it instead of stressing about it. I know he's right but I can't help it when I know when we should be DTD and we either can't cuz of our work schedules or something else that comes up. So this month I'm not sure if I should actually tell him "hey, i'm ovulating" or not. Does anyone else just straight out tell their DH's when they are O-ing and go from there? I just dont' want to totally take all of the fun out of it and have it be all like clinical...it's just hard because every cycle that goes by I feel like we are running out of time...

I guess I just needed to get that out...I don't really know what to do but vent about it I guess

[charm]

Taralyn that sounds like my last month exactly seriously we must all do similar things when ovulating I do that even using OPK's. My DH is keen to be pg again but also said he doesn't need to know about my ovulation and stuff lol as it kind of puts the pressure on and is a bit of a turn off but it's pretty obvious when I start demanding more Bd'ing I am thinking

[Boble]

my dh is all for getting preg and is happy to do whatever helps.. although, we have your prob all the time - and i think it is the pressure of it all getting to him. But he is really wanting us to be preg again.

[mum74]

I never tell him as I think it's easier on him not to know! But, he's very easy to tempt...so it's not really an issue in worrying I mightn't get him to dtd on the right days.. I think it's easiest on them not to tell, but you don't want to miss your window of opportunity either so I guess maybe you can see how you go with just seducing him and otherwise...you'll have to just tell him!!

[FruitLoopLace]

I tell my DH because he is usually tired because of work and a crazy schedule. Although I have a very interesting DH, and wants to try right along with me, sure he said it is a little pressure,but he said he is not personally gonn complain about it, since I have to keep track of all the cycles, and go through all the hell of having the baby. Heis very sensitive towars my needs. I try to be his. Just try to make it fun for him,so he doesnt feel like a man just needed for sperm, sometimes men are actually more sexually sensitive about that issue then most think. If your DH has a problem, thenI say dont tell him, even if you only get to do the Deed once 2 days before O, it has a great chance!!!((HUGS))) and GL

[Kary♥RN]

I have on the calendar... marked 10 days.... I told dh this is about when I O'.. so five days before and five days after we have to bd as much as we can, at least every other day..So he knows... than we can have fun with it, it not like punching a clock. And even though we are just hitting the "10 days" we have only missed one nite since AF left! He is so onboard... But I had to draw him a map as he put it... since he has no clue about Ovulation... and when we should bd, and when we do and its not the right time... GOOD LUCK!!!

[jen805]

I used to tell DF... I also used to refer to sex as 'baby dancing' which tends to put a little pressure on him, I think! He said he was feeling like a sperm donor! So I stopped doing all that, and don't usually tell him now when I'm O'ing or when I'm fertile unless I really have to. Good luck!

[HarpersGirl]

My DF has been like your DH with TTC mostly. Once he found out I was pregnant, he was more envovled and happy than I was (and I was over the moon!) and once we lost our little one, he's been right on about TTC and all. He is the one who pushes though, we have a lot of fun time, but he tends to be the one in our relationship that asks when I'm O'ing, shouldn't we be DTD and his favorite... he wishes to make a deposit lol I'm more layed back, if it happens it happens kinda attitude. He's the one all out and stressing! I have to keep reminding him to just have fun and relax, he's not here for one job. We CAN have fun, just no protection and it will happen. I had to give him a crash course on the female body, because he wants to know how it works soo he can figure out the best way to get us pregnant. It's quite cute actually. He's very envovled with TTC and our son, I think I hit the jackpot

[twoboys]

Taralyn, that is exactly how it was for me and my SO, he got to the point where he coulndnt finish, and it became very frustrating. I know the longing to see those 2 pink/blue lines.. and I know every cycle it doesnt happen puts tremendous preasure on you guys.. if this isnt your month (and I hope it is) I would say next month dont even tell him when your "o'ing, that way he wont get worked up, and I wouldnt tell him about the opk's either!! Good Luck!

[mlyster]

I don't tell DH but I am sure he knows. He was very involved in the first pregnancy and read all the books (even though we were only 7 weeks when I m/c). I know he knows enough about cycles to know when is the best time... and he can definitely tell because I am much more forward in getting what I want

I don't tell him because I don't want him to feel the kind of pressure I do. He does not need to be counting days and figuring out schedules - one of us obsessed about it is definitely enough

[szczepanski]

My next cycle will be our first actual TTC cycle. I told him last night that I got OPK's to start testing twice or even three times a day (since I have no idea what I am doing, hahaha) and his first response was "AFTERNOON DELIGHT???". Teehee. Since I work from home and he works about 8 min from home, its just a short drive.

I know he wants to make a baby so bad and keeps telling me he can't wait. It all could change though if we start to get frustrated. We could do it all the time (we are newlyweds still..haha) but sometimes we just end up laying in bed talking and going "we can always do it tomorrow..." hahaha. He said he is saving it all up to last through TTC.

I would talk to your DH about what he think is "trying too hard" and what he wants to know - like if you are o'ing or not, if you are using the opk's. I think some men just want to be told "okay! sex time!" rather than "Hunny I'm oing! We gotta do it NOW!".

I say...go shopping for some pretty lingerie or just a pretty bra + panties (in his favorite color) and next time you are o'ing - throw those babies on and seduce your hubby.

[taralyn]

Thanks so much ladies...I knew I could count on you to make me feel better!

I originally wasn't going tell him and just do what we normally do, which would be more than enough ( ) but he is the one who started bringing it up. Its just that this new work schedule is really cramping our style. He knows about the opks and asked me yesterday if I had "peed on a stick" yet and when I told him I had but it wasn't time he didn't really care. Donna, he also will call it "making a deposit"...haha! I think maybe I'm more worried about how he feels than he is! haha! It's just been a hard couple of months for the both of us.

I just wanna say thanks again...you guys are the best!

[missy123]

This thread makes me feel so much better. I thought I was the only one out there that really didn't talk about it much with their SO. Since we have been away from each other, we just DTD when we see each other. He wants to have a baby with me but if it doesnt happen he says he will love me just the same. I am really praying we do have a baby together. On the flip side, he would do anything if I could stop hurting over our loss.

[.:Shortcake:.]

DH knows about it all because he wants to be pg again too. So he is really into it with me which I believe isn't helping matters.

[Trish36]

Well my DH wasn't sure to start of that he wanted a 4th child. I pushed the issue and got pg. then after the loss he was actually the one who brought up us trying again. As much as I wanted to get pg right away, I wasn't sure if he wanted to try agan, but he was all for it. I feel bad when I tell him it's gotta happen NOW. But we have other stressers to deal with also, which I think is affecting us, and that is the baby waking up and my 9 year old wandering around sleepwalking, usually while we are in the middle of things. So I've decided to NTNP and hopefully catch that egg at the right time. I will still use OPK to pinpoint O, but if the timing doesn't work out....then it wasn't meant to be.

[Sue46]

He is SOO much more laid back about it that I am. Hes very into "if it happens it happens" kinda a mind set. I am obssessive. We got into a huge fight around O time because I demanded it and he was tired. I flipped out, literally. To me being pregnant again will help me move on and look forward again since even though I don't talk about it much, our loss has deeply affected me. I look back a lot instead of forward. After a much needed open discussion about my feelings of our loss I really think hes going to be more giving and less whatever about it.

Originally Posted by Sue46

He is SOO much more laid back about it that I am. Hes very into "if it happens it happens" kinda a mind set. I am obssessive. We got into a huge fight around O time because I demanded it and he was tired. I flipped out, literally. To me being pregnant again will help me move on and look forward again since even though I don't talk about it much, our loss has deeply affected me. I look back a lot instead of forward. After a much needed open discussion about my feelings of our loss I really think hes going to be more giving and less whatever about it.

This is us to a tee. DH even held out when I told him I was Oing on purpose because he's still on the fence about having another baby right now (he's in school w/o a job).

[Mel1979]

My DH always knows when I o, he understands how I obsess and wants a baby so much as well that he is willing to do anything. When we started after our first m/c we tried dtd every night for like 10 days around o. That ended up being too much and we were getting way too stressed so now we dtd every other night and it has worked. Plus we don't stop once I think I have o, just in case. Last time we didn't stop was the cycle I got pg. We also dtd out of o time to try and have some fun where it isn't all about catching the egg or propping my hips up with pillows. Try and have some fun and romance, run a nice bath with candles and music and some wine, I find if you make an effort on some nights it makes your DH feel less like a sperm donor!

We can't wait to start ttc again (never thought I would say that after another loss) but we have to be patient and wait for AF!

[KDD]

I have to tell DH in advance what days we "have to" BD or we may miss it. We still try to have fun with it though.

[sallyk61]

Hi! I did that to my DH last cycle... We decided it cant be too clynical this time and we want our baby made from love...
By that I mean be smart about ti, like using pok's or temping, but also be aware it cant rule our lives if that makes sense...