Hey girls, I haven't been posting much lately, I have been really down in the dumps I guess.

Two more of our friends announced they are expecting, one twins and one triplets. Um hello, I'm just asking for one here.

So anyway, I think I need to take a step back b/c this is becoming really negative and I don't want it to be that way. Not the board, but my attitude toward TTC and everyone else getting pg.

And to make matters worse, DBF has been sick the past week with a bad cough cold thing and we didn't dtd at all and I KNOW I was ovulating this weekend. So onto cycle 20, but whatever, we have a wedding to go to on Saturday and I can party it up.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I here, I'm reading all the posts but just don't have a very positive attitude right now so I don't want to reply and sound insincere. I feel like a big pity party jerk. Ugh.

Ok, enough of me. Love you girls.

[*SamF*]

I've been wondering where you have been. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I hope thing s get better soon for you. I hope you have fun this weekend!

[Trish36]

HUGS Erika!!! sorry you are down in the dumps! Wish I could lift your sipirits but maybe a little break is all you need. I always look on the bright side too whenever AF shows up....that's the time to get a glass of wine.

[MrsB1227]

Hope you feel better soon! Life is really just not fair sometimes!

[~Lynda~]

HUGS!!! i totally understand how you feel!!!!! stay in touch!!! we'd miss you!!!

[KDD]

Thanks for checking in - I was wondering where you were. I totally understand where you're at right now. Sometimes stepping back can do wonders. We will be here for you when you're ready to come back.

[Momeejenjen]

((HUGS)) When it rains it pours! I hope things turn around for you soon.

[farasha]

Oh Erika!!! I'm sorry hun... I know... I was wondering where you've been. It doesn't seem fair whatesoever that any of us are even on this board, let alone that everyone else is pregnant (ok, maybe not everyone - but I know what you mean). Anyways, you know we love you no matter what and you don't have to worry about being negative around us!!!!!! Lots of hugs. Just don't' disappear on us!

Thanks so much girls. I knew you'd understand. You wanna know the really sad part of all this, my bff who lives in Phoenix has called a couple times and I've been avoiding her calls b/c I thought she was goingto tell me she was pg. So she called the other night and I missed it, called her back and she didn't answer so I thought ok good I can't deal with that tonight. Then she called me back 5 mins later and I said, Lindsay, I love you but can you please tell me if you're pregnant. And she screams, He** NO!!! And I said oh my god thank you and actually started crying right there. Turns out her new house had water leakage and they're living in a hotel while their bathrooms and kitchen get completely gutted....now I feel terrible for avoiding her calls for a couple weeks...

[mlyster]

Erika - hope you are doing alright! I know it is hard and I think you stepping back to look at the bigger picture will do wonders for you.
I am sure you bff will understand you not answering her for a while. I was totally that way a few days ago. We were heading to some friends house for supper and it caused me great stress and anxiety becuase I was sure they were going to announce they were pregnant again (have a 2 year old). I was so relieved when she started drinking wine.. ridiculous I know but I feknow what you are feeling (at least a little bit).

[amandakay29]

Erika, I'm sorry. I've missed you on here!! I wish there was something I could do for you. You have my email if you need anything!

[Sue46]

Erika! I was thinking about you. I've felt just like that too. Take all the time you need.

Thanks for all of your support. I got a big ol iced coffee and took care of a bunch of odds and ends and I'm feeling more positive at the moment. Oh mood swings are fun! I love you girls

Erika, big hugs your way. And screw the glass, I've been drinking out of the bottle!

[Kary♥RN]

I can feel your pain!!! If I am not preggers as I sit her right now... I am taking a step back... This month I have 3 baby showers now.. well 2 now since one was this past weekend... I cant stand having all these baby gifts staring me in the face. I haven't had anything today to drink.. but I did the last few days. I am so tired of living 2w on and than 2 wks off. I feel everyone is preggers.... Or has babies out the yingyang. I totally get your negative vibe... I think we all get this way... and thier is nothing we can do to change how we feel. I am sorry you feel so down... HUGS GIRL!!!

[taralyn]

I was wondering where you were too Erika, your posts always make me laugh! I hope you feel better and remember that you are not alone!

[JMbreaksthelaw]

My good friend, who I also work with is pregnant and we had the same due dates. We were so excited to have babies at the same time. Unfortunately, I had my second miscarriage about 3 weeks ago and her pregnancy is going totally fine. I dreaded coming back to work and being around her but it actually hasnt really affected me at all yet. I already have a child and this is her first so maybe that has helped me. I thought I would be so sad but I really am not. We talk about pregnancy and her baby all day and still I have no saddness or jealously towards her and I am sooooo glad. The last thing I wanted is to upset a friendship. I am hoping that my positive attitude brings me some good karma!! haha.

[..Penelope..]

I'm sorry, Erika.

[missy123]

Oh, I am the Queen of anger and mood swings honey so don't be afraid to post what you are feeling-thinking. Having a loss/losses and being in this club is not all happy happy like a DDC. I don't think any of us expects us to be all cheery and full of sunshine all the time. We have experienced pain that others could never imagine.

You are awesome no matter what! ((Hugs))

[megal40]

I think about you and how you are doing. I know it is hard. I don't know what it is like to go for 20 cycles. That is a huge fear of mine. I am on cycle 2 after m/c and am terrified that I won't get pg. But I think if you can survive 20 cycles, then I can find a way to get through whatever I have to do. Just know that your feelings are normal even though they suck, you are always welcome to share them with us. Knowing we aren't alone helps!!

I know I am not here a lot and you have tons of JM friends, but if you ever just need a different opinion, I am happy to be here for you.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your weekend. Have a drink for all of us who can't and wish we could!!