Needing Advice-warning TMI

mmllhh · #1 June 6th, 2009, 03:24 PM

Hello Ladies,

1st time posting here. Bear with me as I don't know all the lingo yet. We have been trying to get pregnant since December. I'm 37 yrs old, never been pregnant before now. Last Thursday, we found out we were pregnant, blood test showed I was 9.4 HCG I had implantation bleeding the week before so I had a feeling, that and my breast felt like they went thru battle. So, come monday, I start bleeding at work and when I say bleeding, I mean bleeding, no spotting here, this was a full gush. I go to the ER, I'm 4 weeks 6 days at this point. and my HCG drops to 2 and i miscarried. Wednesday, i pass something that looks like what i can only describe as a sea urchin. I'm assuming that this was my yolk sak. Good news is that I finally stopped bleeding today. I'm eager to get back on the horse....do I really have to wait. I wasn't far along and i feel like I am back to "normal"??? Any thoughts???

Also, how do you deal with a "friend" who says, as least you can drink now????

.:Shortcake:. · #2 June 6th, 2009, 03:34 PM

First of huge hugs hun! Welcome and I'm very sorry you have to be here. As to your question of do you have to wait my doctor told me that I should wait one cycle so we had a date to go off of but your body will not get pg unless it is ready so I could try again right away. Also I have researched it online and there is no higher risk of another m/c if you do get pg again right away. Hope that helps with that question and as for the friend... people are stupid and unfortunately people who have never been through a loss have no clue what to say or do. Hope your TTC journey is short hun.

mmllhh · #3 June 6th, 2009, 03:52 PM

Thanks, I'm trying to get past what my "friend" said. I guess some people just don't get it.

Keeping my fingers crossed that we are pg soon.

sallyk61 · #4 June 6th, 2009, 04:09 PM

I think you can start ttc straight away....
As for you friend some people have no idea, so you need to pick your battles work out if she is a friend who you can be honest with and tell how you feel or if you need to leave it to maintain your friendship....
Hope your doing ok.

mmllhh · #5 June 6th, 2009, 04:14 PM

Do i have to wait to have sex? I've started to pee on the ovulation sticks just to keep track. I really want to be preg but I don't want to hurt myself in the process.

Trish36 · #6 June 6th, 2009, 05:54 PM

Welcome and I am sorry to hear of your loss.
As long as you feel like you are emotionally and physically ready to ttc again, go for it. There really isn't a reason why you can't. Just make sure you wait about 2 weeks so that your cervix has time to close and you stop bleeding completely, to ensure you do not get an infection. I think we waited about 1 1/2 week after my m/c and I was 12 weeks along.
Good luck and hope you get a BFP soon!!!!

As far as your friend is concerned, oh boy..some people just have no tact. She probably just doesn't 'get' it. So many people out there don't and they will say stupid things, even though they mean well. HUGS!!!!!

photogmama · #7 June 6th, 2009, 06:25 PM

Welcome and sorry that you have had to join us. There is most likely no real reason to not TTC as soon as you ovulate again. I hope your TTC journey is a short one!

I think some people have no idea how rude the things they say sound/are. Your friend probably had no idea of what to say and that was the first thing to come to mind. Someday maybe she will understand...I hope for her sake that she never has to experience the pain of a loss, but if she ever does, it will all become clear for her. Of course some women just never get it....I have an aquaintance, who a few years ago was pregnant with twins, she miscarried at around 10 weeks.....she openly told people that she cried for 2 weeks when she found out she was pregnant and she cried for 2 hours when she lost them. She said she didn't want more children, she already had 4 and they were older/didn't need much of her time. I completely didn't know how to react to her comments.

KDD · #8 June 6th, 2009, 08:19 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think that you should be okay to start to BD again as soon as you feel ready.

Sometimes our friends say things that they think will help, but unfortunately have the opposite effect. I'd let this comment slide, but if she says anything else just say "thank you for trying to make me feel better, however I find such comments hurtful".

starrsgirl · #9 June 6th, 2009, 09:09 PM

Welcome to the board and to the world where people say insensitive things about people who have experienced miscarriages.

I think you would be good to go to try and BD right away. Use the day you started bleeding for your miscarriage as cycle day 1 for dating purposes if you get pg again on the next cycle.

Kary♥RN · #10 June 6th, 2009, 10:07 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.... About your friend... people really don't know what to say, and alot of what they do say hurts.

I was told to wait 2 wks to have sex. But we were given the ok to start right away.

Good Luck! KUP

mum74 · #11 June 7th, 2009, 04:22 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I m/c at 9 weeks and was told to wait one cycle before ttc again. In my own opinion, being that you were in the early stages, ie. where some women would still not have known they were pregnant and might have thought af was just late arriving - that if I were in your situation I think I'd be trying again straight away. Good luck whatever you decide.

As for the friend.. I can only think that she didn't know what to say so tried to be well-meaning and in doing so probably said the worst thing she could have thought of. If it had been said to me I likely would have been speechless and not known what to say. Did you react to it at all?

mlyster · #12 June 7th, 2009, 12:57 PM

Welcome! I have a hard time with friends who say stupid things about being and then not being pg but I try to remember that unless they have been through it they don't get it and even then everyone's experience is so different that I have had people who have m/c before still act like jerks!

About sex... I was told to wait until all the bleeding had stopped but the only reason to wait on TTC again is emotional. There are really no physical reasons to wait.

Hope your stay here is short!! (not becuase we don't like you but we LOVE to see TTCALers get BFP's).

mmllhh · #13 June 7th, 2009, 02:40 PM

mum74-she sent it to me in an email. So, i just didn't even respond. I think silence sometimes says more than me freaking out. If I had, she'd have just blamed it on the hormones and not her rude comment.

Thank you all for your support. I'm shocked and saddened to see how many of us are out there.

klt · #14 June 7th, 2009, 04:55 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. And, I'm sorry about what your "friend" said. I truly think some people just don't know what to say, so they say things without thinking. Unfortunate.

Anyway, ask your doc about waiting. They have different opinions. I hope you are able to TTC again soon. And, welcome to TTCAL! I hope you get your sticky BFP soon!

mmllhh · #15 June 7th, 2009, 05:20 PM

Thanks for all your kind words. I need some translation though, still new at this. What is BFP?

..Jessica.. · #16 June 7th, 2009, 09:50 PM

Welcome to the board,

I'm so sorry for your loss!!!

Your 'friend' ..pfft... anyway! She's not a friend.

I agree with waiting like 2 weeks to begin having sex again, to avoid the possibility of infection.

BFP = Big Fat Positive!

mmllhh · #17 June 8th, 2009, 05:46 PM

Thanks ladies. I am definitely finding comfort and much knowledge on this board.
I have a DR's appointment tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything is back to "normal".