I did something SO STUPID last night!!

..Michelle.. · #1 June 9th, 2009, 10:02 PM

So last night, DH and I went out with a couple of friends. Well we all got pretty smashed and I started kissing on some guy (nothing more). Well he's not just "some guy" he's one of my friend's brother. Well DH saw me and started freaking out. Not that I blame him, HELLO!!
Now I feel like such a bad wife. I can't stop crying, have repeatedly apologized and slept alone last night. He says that what I did destroyed him and now he doesn't even want to think of TTC because he can't trust me anymore.
I said it was the alcohol, we were all drunk and it would NEVER happen again. I told him I'd quit drinking if it would make any difference (I'm not a big drinker, we only go out maybe 1 time a week but I am a VERY light weight drinker). He's barely talking to me today, refuses to eat any food I make (refused lunch and dinner) and I just don't know what to do....
I see my counselor tomorrow but I just feel so bad about this. I would never consiously cheat on him EVER, it was the booze. I don't want to lose him but I wouldn't blame him if he wanted me to leave.
I'm just sooo **** bummed out, I can't stop crying, my stomache hurts, I feel like I'm gonna throw up, I just wish this never happened.

starrsgirl · #2 June 9th, 2009, 10:13 PM

Oh gosh....have I done some dumb dumb things while smashed. It doesn't make it right, but I do understand that sometimes you act out in a way you wouldn't normally. Keep talking to DH and try to keep things in perspective...you made a mistake but it was NOT a huge sin. I would definitely offer to give up drinking right now (maybe not permanently) but for now to show you are committed to making a difference. Also, my biggest piece of advice is to sit down and write out your thoughts...maybe write a long letter to DH.

I'm sorry you are going through this...i definitely think all is NOT lost. It feels pretty bad right now but this can work out. I dunno if this helps....keep your chin up.

Boble · #3 June 9th, 2009, 11:52 PM

Oh no! what a sticky situation....

I have been in the position your DH is in.. my DH did the same thing to me and it just destroyed me. to this day I still have trouble coping with it. if we go out and I can't find him I have like a mini panic attack

The reason I mention it is so I can mention some of the things that helped us through it.
- He cut all ties with the person he kissed... eventually - but it was something I needed him to do to make things feel "better" -
- we went to couples counseling.
- Him admitting to his friends and family what he had done - to me that was him taking responsibility for it because they all though of him as perfect.
- I also needed an explanation as to why he did it, which was hard because he was drunk and didn't overly remember.. but to me being drunk was not good enough as an excuse - and as it was it turned out there was more to it then just that, underlying feeling etc.

I hope you are able to sort it out. I don't mean any offence by any of this, but I can see where he was coming from in regards to not wanting to ttc again.. after it happened to me I found it impossible to look at my dh, let alone anything else. I felt so betrayed and hurt. It is so horrible seeing the person you love so so much kissing another person "like that" iykwim. It took us a long time to get past it and I hope you are able to find your way there eventually *hugs* to you and your DH.

.:Shortcake:. · #4 June 10th, 2009, 03:28 AM

I am so sorry your going through this. I hope you both can sit down and work things out. Hugs.

Trish36 · #5 June 10th, 2009, 09:07 AM

Just wanted to say sorry and hope things work out for the two of you.

MelissaM09 · #6 June 10th, 2009, 10:21 AM

Oh goodness...I don't know what to tell you sweetie. I would probably be really upset if I were your husband, too. I say that having made some mistakes of my own while drinking, and I decided about a year ago to completely get it out of my life. I never drank alot, maybe 2 times in a 6 month period, but all that meant was that it was easier and quicker to get me drunk...and for me to act like an idiot.

I would definitely stop drinking, or at the very least, only do it when only your DH is around. I'm not sure what else to say...but I really hope you and your DH can work things out. Good luck.

~~~Sara~~~ · #7 June 10th, 2009, 10:39 AM

Oh (((Michelle))) I hope you guys can work things out, maybe you can ask him to go to counseling with you tomorrow? Hugs!

~Lynda~ · #8 June 10th, 2009, 01:01 PM

keep trying to talk to him. time will help you. he isn't thinking rationally right now, and righfully so. keep telling him how you feel. don't give up!!! G/L

..Jessica.. · #9 June 10th, 2009, 01:06 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this Michelle.

I think maybe give Brad some space, right now he's really hurting and has a lot going on in his mind. He thinks he can't trust you, his wife, the woman he LOVES. He doesn't want to TTC, won't eat your meals, etc.

If he was going to leave you, he wouldn't be still sleeping in the house or be home at all. He's just really hurting right now. He knows you're sorry, you clearly didn't mean to do anything, but he's still hurting.

Just let him know you're there, and you're sorry. Whether he wants to be around you right now or not, he will see that you're being serious and it's eating away at you!

I've sent you a PM!

Ryleeroo · #10 June 10th, 2009, 02:10 PM

Yikes, Tough Situation. If I were your DH i would be angry too but I agree with Jessica. Please just give him space right now. Sounds like he knows you didnt mean to do it. I wish the best for both of you hun!! Hope you work it out soon.

Elijah'sMommy · #11 June 10th, 2009, 02:14 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I hope you two can work things out.

Kary♥RN · #12 June 10th, 2009, 02:21 PM

Michelle... we are human and we make mistakes. I know I have made some stupid desiscions while under the influance of drinking. While you know, how sorry you are, it is something that DH has to be upset about, and has the right to. It will take time, and the trust has to be rebuilt. He is hurt, and I know you are hurting too. Both for different reasons... Try to understand his point, and hopefully he will be able to put him self into what happened with you, and being drunk. I will be thinking of you both, and hope you can both find your way back to before this happened. HUGS

..Penelope.. · #13 June 10th, 2009, 08:19 PM

I'm sorry that you're going through this, hon

You and DH are in my T&P.

missy123 · #14 June 10th, 2009, 09:36 PM

We haven't heard from you, are you ok?

You were brave to open up in here like that. We all make mistakes in life, no one is perfect.

~~~Sara~~~ · #15 June 10th, 2009, 10:25 PM

You okay Michelle, worried about you!

mum74 · #16 June 10th, 2009, 10:44 PM

JMbreaksthelaw · #17 June 11th, 2009, 10:47 AM

I think that TTC is that last thing you should be worried about right now. Probably a good idea to take a break until you can work things out and figure out why you cheated on your husband since I truly dont believe you can blame it ALL on the alcohol. Good luck to you.

Ryleeroo · #18 June 11th, 2009, 01:52 PM

How are you sweetie? Have you and DH talked?

Kary♥RN · #19 June 11th, 2009, 02:07 PM

Michelle Thinking about you...... HUGS... Please check in.

taralyn · #20 June 11th, 2009, 09:17 PM

Michelle...i hope you are doing okay. Since this just happened, it's all very fresh and raw with your DH and he is probably going to need some time to heal. I would try to give him his space for now and just keep the channels of communication open. I think he knows it was the alcohol and just a stupid mistake (especially if somethign like this has never been an issue before), he just needs time.