throwing a pity party - all invited. x-posted

mollysmom2008 · #1 June 12th, 2009, 04:34 PM

so i think after 11 1/2 weeks, i'm finally going to get AF. i've been testing once a week starting 6 weeks after my surgery with all negative results. best i can tell from the 3 sets of OPKs i've used in the meantime, i ovulated around 11-12 days ago. i've been cramping a little and spotting started today which seems to come a go.

i've been trying to convince myself that it would be a good thing when the witch finally comes so i can try to move on and start a healthy cycle. i guess i was just fooling myself cuz i really am sad and depressed and hopeless.

i just want to go to bed and never wake up. i'm tired of having to "deal" with life instead of just living. i hate of all the pg people out there complaining about being uncomfortable and/or not planning their "oops" BPFs. 7 out of the 100 people i work with are pg-4 due in the months i should have been due--plus my next door neighbor. everyone seems to be drinking the koolade except me. i'm sick of doing everything "right" in life and never getting what i want.

i hope i get all of this negativity out of my system here, cuz i'm supposed to be happy and perfect tomorrow for my family celebrating father's day a week early. we stayed home and did nothing on mother's day cuz it upset me too much; this time i don't have a choice. i should ask DH how he feels about it, but every time this all comes up, he stays in denial-land, not accepting the two miscarriages before the ectopic, and lecturing me on "finding the positive" instead of thinking the worst.

sorry for being the negative nelly today, but i just had to get some of this out-all my thoughts and emotions stay bottled up for too long cuz no one IRL really wants to talk to me about this.

starrsgirl · #2 June 12th, 2009, 05:10 PM

I'm so sorry you are bummed about all this. This SUCKS. I agree...plain and simple. I know how you feel about not being able to talk to anyone in real life. I'm so glad this board is here. It has kept me sane. I think you will feel better once your cycles are back to "normal". For me, that was the point when I could finally move forward with TTC again. It didn't make it all better but at least I felt like I was going somewhere.

Hang in there! We are here to listen.

.:Shortcake:. · #3 June 12th, 2009, 05:43 PM

So sorry that your going thru this. But I wanted to tell you that when I got AF after my m/c it gave me some sort of closure.

photogmama · #4 June 12th, 2009, 06:27 PM

I'm sorry your feeling this way! There is nothing I can say to make it better or easier other than that we are here for you! Hopefully the witch will show up and you can move onto your first TTC cycle since the ectopic!

HUGS!

Kary♥RN · #5 June 12th, 2009, 08:06 PM

I am so sorry you are feeling like this... But you are allowed to. We all have our bad days, and our worse days..... I know it is not fair that we are on this board. It is not fair that we have lost our babies, some one, two, three and more... What have we done? Why was it is us? And than us again? and again? It would be so easy to blame someone, anyone. Get some of this pain we are in a place to be directed at. Instead all we have are the why's? It is not fair... And if you will let me... I'll join in on that pitty party.. I love a good party.. and I couldn't imagine going through this with any other group of AMAZING, STRONG, and CARING group of ladies.... HUGS Hun....

#6 June 12th, 2009, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starrsgirl

I'm so sorry you are bummed about all this. This SUCKS. I agree...plain and simple. I know how you feel about not being able to talk to anyone in real life. I'm so glad this board is here. It has kept me sane. I think you will feel better once your cycles are back to "normal". For me, that was the point when I could finally move forward with TTC again. It didn't make it all better but at least I felt like I was going somewhere.

Hang in there! We are here to listen.

DIT-to.

~~~Sara~~~ · #7 June 12th, 2009, 10:21 PM

I hope you feel a little better getting it out. Hugs to you and I hope you get a BFP and a healthy bean soon.

missy123 · #8 June 13th, 2009, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mollysmom2008

i've been trying to convince myself that it would be a good thing when the witch finally comes so i can try to move on and start a healthy cycle. i guess i was just fooling myself cuz i really am sad and depressed and hopeless.

i just want to go to bed and never wake up. i'm tired of having to "deal" with life instead of just living. i hate of all the pg people out there complaining about being uncomfortable and/or not planning their "oops" BPFs. 7 out of the 100 people i work with are pg-4 due in the months i should have been due--plus my next door neighbor. everyone seems to be drinking the koolade except me. i'm sick of doing everything "right" in life and never getting what i want.

wow, you took the words right out of my mouth! I woke up this morning feeling the exact same thing you just wrote. I am really sorry we are going through this, it isn't fair. However I am so glad that someone else is experiencing this so I don't feel like I am going crazy.

Like after 2 months shouldn't I be past all this?

((Hugs)) to you. I completely understand what you are feeling. This sucks!

~Lynda~ · #9 June 14th, 2009, 07:05 AM

BIG HUGS!!!! we have all been there!!!! it's so frustrating and i've felt exactly as you are feeling many many many times. big big hugs to you!! i hope you get your bfp soon!!!