[brandimomof2]

I am new to this board but reg on other boards. We just lost our baby on Monday night. It was so aweful. I had to be rushed to the hospital due to hemmorage. We found out the baby didnt have a heartbeat at 12wks and then I had the baby at 14wks. I am just so sad and empty.

My dh does not want to ttc again. I go through alot being pregnant. I am really really sick and have to stay in bed for 6wks and then I have stomach issues due to my gallbladder being out. So I understand that he does not want me to go through all that again. I told him we could adopt but he still didnt want to do that. I just dont know how I can live with the fact that we will never have another baby. I cant just make this feeling go away. I dont understand how he can. We made the decision to have another child and a loss shouldnt change that. It doesnt mean that we cant have another child.

I am just so sad and empty inside and I want another baby so bad. He said it wasnt fair if he didnt have a choice but its not fair to me if I dont have a choice either. There has to be some compromise.

Do you think maybe he will change his mind after time goes by? I just dont know how I will ever be happy with this decision of his.

Did anyone have trouble with there dh after your loss?

Thanks

[rhyssa]

Hi sweetie. iam so sad for your loss.
the only thing i can tell you is to give yourself and your dh time.
I know its hard to be patient.... i have none myself..... but it is the only thing that will help you deal with your loss.
As for dh not wanting to ttc right now, he is probably very scared and sad right now. Mine was...
Give him some time and when a little time has passed and you can talk about trying again without either one of you being hurt by the conversation. I know it seems impossible right now and again i do know how horrible it is to lose a wee one.
I hope this helps a little...
hugs
Bine

[L-SBB]

i'm terribly sorry for your loss HUGS

I just wanted to share that I was horribly sick with my first pregnancy (as well as the current one) with trips to ER, multiple m/s meds and it really wore me down physically, which was difficult for DH to watch/help me through. When we lost the baby, I don't think either of us were ready to try again right away, but he was particularly fearful for me after seeing how difficult the first one was and how much i grieved the loss of that pregnancy. But time helps heal a lot, including the fear of going through it again, and after a few months he was ok with trying and within another cycle (we got pregnant 3rd cycle after waiting a few months) i think he was more excited than i was to be pregnant again.

I definitely think you both should continue to talk through your feelings (and fears) about trying again...it's a decision you should both be comfortable with but neither should making the decision unilaterally, especially when having another child is obviously very important to you. HUGS

[KDD]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I think that DH was ready to TTC again before I was. There definitely needs to be a grieving period for both of you. I sometimes get upset with DH that he got over our loss much faster than I did!

[~Lynda~]

i think time helps alot!!! it is very very scary knowing that it can happen again. i would give him some time and space and let yourself rest your body. when the time feels right, sit down and have a heart to heart talk. i think it will go well. G/L and hugs to you, you know how sorry i am about your loss!!!

[AliciaF]

Give him some time. I lost my son at 20 weeks and almost died during delivery, hours later in the hospital room I was crying that I wanted to try again and he was dead against it. After a couple weeks he agreed to try again and now we are 18w3d

[starrsgirl]

I had a lot of trouble both coming to terms with my 2nd loss and then working through it with DH. DH was flat out against TTC again after the 2nd loss. I was a royal MESS for at least 4 months. I was crying morning, noon and night. My work was great and let me have a lot of time off but eventually I had to go back. I think my DH dreaded even talking about it or thinking about trying again. It took a long time for us. Thankfully, maybe a blessing in disguise, was that I accepted a very demanding position at work. I knew I couldn't get pregnant while in that job so that took some of the pressure off of us and just allowed us to talk about things. When i ended up losing that position, it had been 6 months since our loss and we finally felt like we could think about trying again. My DH did ask me to be proactive with all the testing I could do. I did a lot of testing and did find one thing that might be contributing to my losses (MTHFR defect). Knowing may not prevent future losses but it was just the feeling that we were trying to move forward that helped.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I agree with the other ladies. Time does help heal and right now he's probably not thinking clearly.

[Loving6]

I'm so very sorry for you loss.I agree with the ladies that time heals.Give him time to heal from this and he may want to TTC again.I hope you two can get through this tough time.(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry for your loss! I agree with the above posts, time definitely helps. With us, it was me who wasn't ready to try right away. We lost the baby in August at 9 weeks and didn't try until November and I still went back and forth as to whether or not I was doing the right thing. Give it some time and revisit it. HUGS!

[missy123]

I am so sorry for your loss..... After the 2nd loss my boyfriend said he didn't want to try again. It hurt him so much to see me going through so much pain. After a few weeks I told him that I wanted to try one more time. He wasn't excited about it but said he would follow my lead. Now he is just as excited as I am. It takes time to sort out all of the emotions after a loss.

[charm]

Hello I am sorry for for loss I really hope when you feel better dh will change his mind I say he is grieving and it probably scared the crap out of him if he thought there was a chance of losing you iykwim I wish you goodluck KUP please