[..Jessica..]

Girls...I'm really sorry.

I know I mentioned it before that June isn't a good month for me..well..it's turned into an even worse month for me.

I'm under a lot of stress, and contemplating talking to my doctor for anti-depressants. I'm extremely depressed. To the point that I can't even say the words "I'm depressed" outloud without crying.

I was sitting in my room the other day, and I started thinking about how the trial is going to go for the accident. I started to almost practise what I'd be saying, and I lost it. Completely lost it. I'm a disaster...honestly.

I'd post this in the private thread, but whatever...I'm seeking support from everybody, just like everyone else does..you know?

Anyway...I'm very sorry for slacking lately..a lot.

[Trish36]

Oh Jess...HUGS!!!! I hope that you can get some help with the depression and I really hope that next month will be better to you!

[megal40]

Oh honey, please don't apologize to us. That is what is so wonderful about this place. When you are feeling down, there are plenty of women that can support you and you can lean on.

Let us all know what we can do for you. Take care of your self!

Please don't be sorry. Life is really *#$%ing hard, especially with what you are going through.

If I can offer a little unsolicited advice... Please don't be afraid of anti-depressants. You don't have to be on them for the rest of your life. They will certainly help "clear" your head to get you back to a place where you're comfortable.

In the meantime, we are totally here for you.

[jen805]

Aww, Jessica-- Just because you have personal problems going on in your life that are keeping you distracted from posting, doesn't mean you suck, honey! You have to do what you have to do to keep yourself happy and sane--you're going to be your future baby's first home--and if you're not happy, nobody's happy! I've been down the anti-depressant road, and it worked well for me for the duration that I needed to use it--it doesn't make you less of a person, or weak... it just proves how dedicated you are to improving your life. You should feel proud of yourself, honey--keep that chin up!

[..Jessica..]

K..I'm crying again... honestly..this right here...is why I love you girls.

[rebeccabaltimore and more]

I wish I could send hugs through the computer! If you ever have any questions about medications, please let me know - I used to be a therapist and I'm also on a number of meds myself for bipolar disorder. I'm not a doctor, just a knowledgeable patient.

[missy123]

Oh Jessica, I wish I could hug you real tight and take away your pain.

I can tell you that I relate to what you are going through. I was in the same situation as you about a month ago. I seriously couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed, cancelled conference calls because I was afraid of crying on them. Nothing was right, everything was wrong. It was horrible and I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up when I felt better. I would wake up crying and on top of it all, gained more weight.

Go to the doctor honey. I know how hard it is to ask for help, to ask for antidepressents, to feel like a failure. But once you feel better your only regret will be that you waited to get help.

(((HUGS))) I completely understand what you are feeling. It is ok - you are beautiful and wonderful!!!

[..Penelope..]

Sweety, you don't suck!

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time I wish that I could invite you over for coffee and give you a big hug! (Just realized you are in Canada and sent you a PM )

You don't have to be sorry for not posting much. We understand! The most important thing is for you to take care of you.

PM me if you ever need to talk!

[momof6lopez]

Originally Posted by Spud'sMom

Please don't be sorry. Life is really *#$%ing hard, especially with what you are going through.

If I can offer a little unsolicited advice... Please don't be afraid of anti-depressants. You don't have to be on them for the rest of your life. They will certainly help "clear" your head to get you back to a place where you're comfortable.

In the meantime, we are totally here for you.

I could not agree more, when there is just too much going on in ones life and the depression cant get a break, medication will certainly help. I took them for 3yrs after cancer diagnosis, and have been off of them for over a year now. I even made it with the m/c and not having to go back to the antideprsents, becasue my head was clear and ready for the next challange in my life. Please talk to your docotor about this, and always feel that your welcome to cry here, thats what this group is for!

[missy123]

And Vent away! That helps too... I have poured my heart and soul out in the loss board, and Lori has to put up with my 4 billion emails

It is ok to take them. I started to take them daily 2 weeks ago and finally starting to feel good again!

[Boble]

oh hun.. *hugs* I think going in and having a chat with your dr is a good idea. You have a lot of things on your plate at the moment - and there is nothing wrong with asking for help!

I hope you feel better soon

[mlyster]

Hugs Jess! Whatever you are going through is much more important than posting on here everyday. I can say we were worried about you and are here for you for whatever you need!! even without knowing you in real life I know you are a strong, brave woman. You have been through so much and it does not hurt to get a little help once and a while. You don't need to be a hero all the time!!

We are here for you while you go through what you are going through (medication or not)!

[~~~Sara~~~]

I do not think you are slacking. I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I think knowing you are depressed is the first step and I hope you can find something to help you get through this. HUGS.

[..Jessica..]

Thank you again ladies, I'm going to call my doc's office tomorrow and see if I can get something next week. I need to go see him for more meds anyway, so it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about the way I'm feeling right now. He should have knowledge of it anyway, and it'll be in the reports and all that too.

I'm not looking for a way out of the depression..and I know not one of you has said that, but I am looking to be "free" from it for a little. Like you mentioned..to have my head clear for just a minute, you know? My mind is constantly going with thoughts of the accident, my miscarriage, my failed marriage, not working, no money, physio, how I'm going to pay my bills, when I'm going to get money...ALWAYS. I even have nightmares about money... Like..it's really horrible.

So, for sure I'll let you know what happens when I call them tomorrow.

[charm]

Jess hun I was wondering where you had been I am so sorry things are so sucky for you at the moment anti depresants work and maybe it's what you need because it's not fun being so unhappy please take care of yourself and you so don't suck!!!

[.:Shortcake:.]

I'm so sorry your feeling this way hun! Know that we are always here for you day or night it doesn't matter. And I think talking to your doctor and going on some medicine will really benefit you. I know I needed it before and it truly helped me see things. Hugs.

[farasha]

Hugs Jess! We're here for you. July is just around the corner... and I really hope things get better.

[photogmama]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. It is so hard, when we are at dark periods in our lives, to see the way out. For me, acknowledging that there is a problem, has always been the biggest step. I hope today goes well for you....and that tomorrow is a little brighter.

[~Lynda~]

oh hun, big big hugs to you!!!!! i'm sorry things are creeping up on you!!! it's ok to lean on us for support. that is what we are here for!!!! depression is a hard thing that is very controlling. i've seen it from so many different angles. if you feel you need some help girl, you gotta get it!!! if there is anything i can do to help, please please let me know!!!! HUGS