New here (m/c mentioned)

alicenwonderland · #1 June 30th, 2009, 11:07 PM

My name is Alice, and i'm currently experiencing my first loss. (at least the first confirmed)

Dh got a positive pregnancy test last august, but AF came the next day. It then took us 10 months to concieve again. Unfortunaltey this baby only made it as far as 4 wks 5 days. While somehow i wasn't suprised by the m/c, i was extremely surprised by it's effect on me.
Yesterday I was just sad and couldn't stop crying and screaming. Today I was just a little weepy, but mostly angry and bitter. I can't imagine how long it will take to get back to normal. Worst yet, is how its been affecting DH. In our marriage, I have never seen him cry. Last night, he started all out balling. I didn't know what to say or do. Today he turned off a sporting event becuase the announcer mentioned one of the players was a new father. I figure the only thing we can do, is to try again. I just hope it doesn't take another 10 months.

I am so glad there is a board for people in this situation. I thought i'd be able to brush it off, but I really feel the need to talk about it and relate with others.

.:Shortcake:. · #2 July 1st, 2009, 03:47 AM

Welcome and I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have found a place full of wonderful women who can give you advice or just be here to listen. I hope your TTC journey is short hun.

charm · #3 July 1st, 2009, 03:55 AM

Hello Alice I am sorry for your and dh's loss everybody around here are great for support which is very much needed at times like these hugs. My dh was devastated when we had our m/c in Feb all men deal differently my dh had a good cry also. I really hope your journey is a short one with ttc

szczepanski · #4 July 1st, 2009, 07:18 AM

Alice....this board is full of such amazing ladies. So amazing....that I still haven't completely left yet. Part of me doesn't feel "ready" yet too. I know I've said it 100 times, but I am so sorry for your loss.

Without the support and understanding of these ladies, I don't think I would have been able to TTC again so soon. They made me feel justified in every crazy emotion I was feeling and understood everything I was saying.

The emotional roller coaster after a loss is heartbreaking and confusing. Everyday brought a new and unfamiliar (or unpredictable emotion). I remember, right after finding out that we lost the baby...just wanting to be pregnant again. Every day I woke up and said to myself "If I get pregnancy today, I'll be x days pregnant...". And then, when I finally did miscarry....I got a lot of closure. And then I was terrified of getting PG and it happening again. And everyday I went between the 2...it was so confusing.

For your DH....the best thing you could do is to just talk to him about what he is feeling, what his fears are, etc. Once he gets them out in the open, it'll make things a lot better for him. It is amazing that he is grieving with you because a lot of guys don't feel that immediate bond with the baby that early....this will allow the 2 of you to grieve together.

farasha · #5 July 1st, 2009, 07:34 AM

Alice,
I'm so very sorry to have to welcome you here after your losses. I hope you find some comfort here. Don't ever feel like you need to brush off your feelings. This is never an easy situation to deal with, and it really helps to have other people to talk to who know what it's like. I hope you'll jump right into this board and make yourself at home. As far as DH goes, try to keep as open a line of communication as possible. Try never to keep anything bottled up, it sounds simple, but its easy to forget when you have so many things running through your head. The feelings never go away, but it does get easier to go day by day. I've seen DH cry too, which I never expected. Loss is really hard on both partners, although we don't always express it in the same way.

Since you've had two early losses now, I hope you'll be able to get to a Dr. and get some tests done so that you can get on to your next BFP and a healthy baby very quickly!!! Lots of hugs!

..Penelope.. · #6 July 1st, 2009, 09:06 AM

Alice, I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you are here

I agree with everything that Heather said. I hope being here helps.

#7 July 1st, 2009, 10:08 AM

Alice I'm so sorry for your loss. This forum is full of wonderful, amazing ladies that offer tonsof support. HUGS!

Trish36 · #8 July 1st, 2009, 01:12 PM

HUGS Alice. I'm so sorry for your losses, but I'm glad you found us so that we can offer some support to you!

KDD · #9 July 1st, 2009, 02:03 PM

Alice I'm so very sorry for your loss. We are all here to support you and answer any questions that you may have.

#10 July 1st, 2009, 06:26 PM

Welcome to the board. I'm sorry for your lose, I will keep you in my thoughts.

missy123 · #11 July 1st, 2009, 07:34 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. What you are going through is what we have all experienced. It is so heartbreaking, the minute we see the BFP we fall in love. We are here for you. (((Hugs)))

hearts.0nfire · #12 July 1st, 2009, 10:07 PM

I'm so sorry Alice.

starrsgirl · #13 July 2nd, 2009, 11:13 AM

Alice...welcome to the board. I found that it's hard for me to relate to others who are TTC who haven't experienced a loss. Many of my girlfriends around me are newly pregnant and they just don't understand what a loss feels like. For me, it takes my breath away some days. It's been a while since my last loss but even yesterday, I was feeling emotional about it and crying to my DH.

Honestly, the guys seem to deal with the loss in a whole other way than we do! Obviously, they are sad on some level but the "recovery" and grief for them is so different. There should be a guys board like this...but then again, my husband would never join a board unless it was about trucks/cars..haha.

ldovey83 · #14 July 2nd, 2009, 12:07 PM

Alice I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.. This board is great.. I lost my baby a little over a month ago, and it was really hard on me... I have to say I was so glad that my DH was with me when I went to the ER cause I just lost it when they told me I was miscarrying.. He was there to comfort me and console me and to tell me that it was probably best for the baby... Then later when we told his parents he started crying and I saw how it finally hit him.. Everyone grieves differently, and there are different grieving stages we all go through.. I do want to tell you don't let anyone tell you how to grieve.. You take the time you need, and talk with DH about how you feel and have him do the same.. This whole expierence has brought my DH and I so much closer.. Hugs to you sweetie...