To tell or not to tell?? *pg mentioned

mlyster · #1 July 8th, 2009, 05:44 PM

I am on the fence about telling people... anyone want to throw out what they plan to do (or what they did). One minute I don't want anyone to know and then the next I want to tell everyone. I am scared to tell people and then miscarry again... but on the other hand I am excited and want to be able to share that excitement... what to do, what to do. I already told my BFF because with my first pregnancy I told her the night before my miscarriage and felt like she didn't get to share in any of the excitement... so I told her before even thinking about it.

I know either way I won't tell many people before the first doctors appointment (not made yet).

And then what about joining the DDC - same deal... I have been lurking so far but not introduced myself...

Any thoughts?

szczepanski · #2 July 8th, 2009, 05:59 PM

I told the people that knew about my m/c before, because they all knew we were trying again.

Except for my daddy, I haven't told him yet because he was SO worried about me, I decided to wait to tell him until after the ultrasound next week. Then I am telling the rest of our families a few weekends after that!

Once you are "okay" with being pregnant again, things will be easier. Its hard at first, too many conflicting emotions.

KDD · #3 July 8th, 2009, 07:30 PM

I agree with Heather. I do plan to tell those who knew about my loss. If anything should happen the next time around, I want them to experience the joy of the pregnancy, not just the devastation of the loss.

If you don't feel comfortable telling people yet, then maybe you should wait a bit.

I don't know if I will join a DDC or not. The last time it seemed that I was only a member for such a short time. I will most likely join the Pregnancy After Loss group.

HannahD · #4 July 8th, 2009, 10:51 PM

I agree with Kimberley to wait until you're ready to tell.

I didn't even tell my mum until after my first appointment since that was my first milestone. I knew she'd just worry and she had enough on her plate with my brother at the time. And DH really didn't want to tell anyone until 12 weeks.

We told my closest friends and DH's mum at 12 weeks and then I told work around 13-14 weeks.

This pregnancy 'felt' different to the last one from quite early on but I still felt worried and have only really begun to relax since hearing a healthy HB at 16 weeks. I just wanted to enjoy the sharing with DH for a little while without other people around me worrying.

.:Shortcake:. · #5 July 9th, 2009, 03:39 AM

DH and I agreed we would tell the people that were there for us when we had our loss and then wait until after 14 weeks to tell everyone else. (14 weeks because we didn't lose our first one until 13 weeks.) As for joining a DDC I am probably just going to lurk until I'm well into my 2nd trimester but we shall see how my next pg goes.

BabyBird · #6 July 9th, 2009, 07:24 AM

My theory is that I want people to know who will be my support system regardless of which way it goes. I told the people that knew of my losses and would be there for me if I m/c again. They were also the people who were the most excited and I wanted to share it with them. You don't have to tell everyone...just pick a few that you know are supportive of you and it might get that urge to tell out of your system for a while until you are more comfortable.

jen805 · #7 July 9th, 2009, 08:17 AM

Michelle-- Did I miss somewhere that you're pg? OMG! How did I miss that????? Huge CONGRATS!!!!

ldovey83 · #8 July 9th, 2009, 08:23 AM

I have put some thought into this myself, and I think I will probably tell my parents early on cause they know we are ttc again, but I may wait a little while before telling friends...

I wish you the best of luck hun and lots and lots of sticky bean dust your way..

jen805 · #9 July 9th, 2009, 08:24 AM

Oh, I guess I never answered the question, did I?

My original thought right after my m/c was that I would wait until at least 3 mo's to tell anyone... however, idk that I could keep it a secret! I can't stand keeping good news bottled up inside! So I think I would inevitably end up telling people before then, just 'cause I couldn't keep my big mouth shut!

AngelBabies · #10 July 9th, 2009, 08:28 AM

Myster........ well first of all....

Now as for me..... I would and when it does eventally happen.... WILL tell.

My reasoning behind that is that I m aware obviously how precious every minute of a pregnancy is and I would want to share that with people. I am also not going to hide my excitement for the pregnancy nor my sorrow IF i miscarry. I suppose its all apart of what I see as education.... no i m not a teach all of a sudden... but when i lost the twins I was blown away because I was so ignorant...... i made a decision back then to be as open as i can with people so that they dont have the same ignorance as I do. If they chose then to turn a blind eye to whats happened... then its their choice.....

I would also tell because the excitement of a pregnancy is so wonderful..... I would feel like I m cheating myself out of that excitement if i went around hiding it.

Now for one more reason why I would tel...... OMG.... you havent seen me when I m pg...... i blow up like a balloon so fast.....LOL... so they will either know pretty quickly OR think I ve been on an eating binge.......lmao

mlyster · #11 July 9th, 2009, 09:08 AM

Thanks for all the input. I am thinking I will leave it as it is right now (only my BFF and you guys know) and see how I feel after my first appointment. I am having some wicked cramping today (trying to tell myself that is normal and it just the baby settling in for the long haul). Hopefully I will see the doctor soon (calling today to make an appointment) and will feel better about it after that. I feel like I WANT to tell but SHOULDN'T tell.... anyway enough of my rambling.

For those of you who are surprised by this news (jen) I put it in this thread http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...mentioned.html (2 more from my stint as Picture Girl *pg mentioned*) so you might just have missed that one since it didn't scream BFP in the title

Kary♥RN · #12 July 9th, 2009, 11:11 AM

Michelle... I don't know what I will do... I think I'll be coming to you to ask what you did!! My mom has thrown it up in my face I didn't tell her about my first loss.. (even though I started bleeding 24 hours after my bfp) and we told EVERYone than a week later we lost our heartbeat.... and had to retell EVERYone.. So I feel that I would ****** if I do and ****** if I didn't.... So in summery... I"M NO HELP!! Sorry!!

Ryleeroo · #13 July 9th, 2009, 11:53 AM

I am waiting till after 20 weeks this time around to tell anyone!! ..............

amandakay29 · #14 July 11th, 2009, 04:58 AM

OH MY GOD MICHELLE!!!!! I'm just finding out you are pregnant. CONGRATS!! On telling...I always tell my mom as soon as I find out. Then we wait until 8-10 weeks to tell closer relatives...then I tell the world after the first trimester. But it's personal choice. Good luck to you!! I'm soooo excited for you.

Danielle.W · #15 July 11th, 2009, 09:51 AM

I'm going to go with my instinct. With Valley, we told everyone right away. And I had no bad feelings about her pregnancy at all. With my m/c I just knew we shouldn't tell people. I cried adn told DH I really didn't want to tell anyone (because he REALLY wanted to). I told my SIL, we're really good friends, right away. As well as 3 of my other very close friends. 3 weeks after finding out I told my mom because I felt safe at that point. just a few days later I lost the pregnancy. After that I told my grandma and my aunt. And we're going to tell Johns mom. Seems weird to tell people AFTER the loss but we're gonig to. Next time, I think we'll tell around 6 weeks. Not because thats when I lost this baby, but because thats when we get to see a hb

Danielle.W · #16 July 11th, 2009, 09:51 AM

double post

Danielle.W · #17 July 11th, 2009, 09:53 AM

tripple post

JessP · #18 July 11th, 2009, 02:19 PM

I will probably tell my sister right away because she is the only one that knows I want to try again. I had some people be not so nice when we told them and when we lost the baby so I am not sure now who I would tell. It was baby number three and most of my friends think more than two is crazy and why would we do that. So I think that really it depends on your situation and when/how you m/c. We didn't find out that we lost the baby until after the 15 week mark. We had lots of good heartbeats so I worry that none of them will ease my worry the next go round. I hope you have a happy and healthy nine months. Congratulations!

PixieQueen · #19 July 11th, 2009, 07:43 PM

Congrats!

I only told my family because I had to earlier on. I wanted to wait until after the first tri. But I had a weird feeling about my loss, so we didn't tell anyone. With Tanith we told pretty much everyone the day I got a bfp. So I think it's a personal choice.

Del4 · #20 July 11th, 2009, 07:57 PM

I told a few close friends (one guessed) and my sister early on. MIL and my mom after the first u/s and viability was confirmed. No one else. We didn't tell the rest of the family till I was around 16 weeks, I think lol. We weren't ready for people to know, but our reasons were for more than just wanting to avoid a sticky conversation if we lost another baby.

It really depends on what you're comfortable with. Congratulations again!!