New to TTCAL

raeleyfan · #1 July 13th, 2009, 08:22 PM

Hello everyone, my name is Jennifer. I live in NC with my husband, Clint and 3 year old daughter, Raeley. We lost our second child on May 30th, this year at 8 wks pregnant. I have dealt with the loss better than I would have expected, up until this point at least. It is like I have had some sort of delay in my grief...don't get me wrong, I was devestated, but somehow now, it seems to really be sinking in that I'm not pregnant anymore...is this weird???

Anyway, we just decided to try again, after both agreeing that maybe we shouldn't...the loss was just too much right after it happened. Now that we have decided to go at it again, all these feelings of grief and despair are reappearing and it makes me wonder if I am just having anxiety over the fear of losing another baby? Anyone experience these feelings when starting to try again?

Just a little confused and emotional right now

JessP · #2 July 13th, 2009, 08:31 PM

I know we are talking about TTC in September and it is so scary to me. I am so sorry for your loss. I have days that I cry and days I don't and we lost ours Feb27th. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. I hope that you have a healthy and happy pregnancy and don't have to wait to long for a BFP. And welcome to JM this is a great group of ladies full of support that has helped me beyond what I had hoped for.

AngelBabies · #3 July 13th, 2009, 10:22 PM

raeleyfan........ First of all there are far to many newbies this week....... I m not liking it.... at all......... I mean I m glad you have found somewhere to come....I just wish things were different for you so you didnt have to be here.

Emotions..... well I am a FIRM believer that you are the only one who can determine at what pace you grieve and how you grieve. I would strongly suggest being true to how you feel as its your body s way of dealing with it. If your angry... be angry... if you sad... cry your heart out..... whatever the emotion is... let it be what it is... and deal with it at your pace. I believe it is the only way of going through all of this and keeping some degree of sanity along the way.

starrsgirl · #4 July 13th, 2009, 10:48 PM

Welcome to the board and sorry for your loss. I definitely understand your range of emotions about trying to get pg again. I needed a lot of time after my loss to heal even though I couldn't realize it myself at the time. Luckily, DH had us put TTC again on hold while I got myself mentally healthy again. Everyone is different and takes different amounts of time to be able to be "ready" again. Follow your heart and we are here to talk if/when you need it.

.:Shortcake:. · #5 July 14th, 2009, 03:47 AM

First off Welcome. I am very sorry for your loss. Secondly your emotions vary from person to person. I am still having some really bad days.

raeleyfan · #6 July 14th, 2009, 06:34 AM

Thank all of you for your kind words and advice. I feel that what all of you have said has come from your heart and from the sad experiences we have all had. Others have said similar things to me, however, but knowing all of you know how I am feeling makes me appreciate your advice even more.

I am so glad I found this forum! I am excited and relieved to have found a place to vent my frustrations and find inspiration through new friends!

Frangipani · #7 July 14th, 2009, 09:01 AM

raeleyfan: nice to meet you. I agree with what the ladies above me have said. It seems that we all grieve at different paces. I do think that trying again makes all those feelings come up to the surface sometimes because you worry, subconsciously, that you may have another loss. Well, I do anyway (not to psychobabble too much!). I think it is only natural. I hope you won't be around here too long (not coz I don't want you here, but coz I hope you get a bfp fast!)

Kary♥RN · #8 July 14th, 2009, 01:27 PM

I am so sorry for your loss... I am glad you found us, welcome to the board. I still go through a slew of emotions... Right after my loss I was gungho to be pregnant again, when that cycle failed.. I started to rethink... but tried anyway.... than I got a BFN was devastated.. questioned again... am I ready for another loss posiably.. Tried again.. even bd twice a day.. another BFN.... I am scared... to loose again... but our want for a baby out weighs our fear of loss. HUGS

farasha · #9 July 14th, 2009, 05:55 PM

Hi hun... welcome to the board. I'm sorry for your loss, but all of us here know exactly how you are feeling. We are all scared of having another loss, but we all want that first or next child so badly, that we are continuing to ttc! Luckily, we have each other to help us through some of the things that no one else would understand. You're the most important person right now, so please take your time to grieve and heal. When you are ready to ttc (and you don't necessarily need to be completely healed to do that), then we are all here to support you. It will take time, and some days will be worse than others.... sometimes something will trigger fears and sadness months after you thought you were doing better. It's all normal. You can't rush this, and you shouldn't ever have to. In all honesty, these feelings will always have some place inside you, and that's ok too.

I wish you the best! I look forward to getting to know you.

raeleyfan · #10 July 17th, 2009, 01:35 PM

Thank you so much...I feel very welcomed here...i really dont have anyone to talk to about all this, so I appreciate ur words even more! thanks for the honesty and support. I hope everyone has a great weekene

photogmama · #11 July 17th, 2009, 03:26 PM

Welcome to the board, like others have said, I hate having to welcome new members!

I think the range of emotions is completely normal...in that nothing is NORMAL after you have experienced a loss.....we each deal with it in our own way and in our own time and we all have fears about either conceiving again or not conceiving again!

You have found a great place here, full of wonderful supportive women.....if you have to go through a loss, you can't find a better place to be!

KDD · #12 July 17th, 2009, 04:23 PM

Jennifer. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It took me a long time to be able to even speak the word "miscarriage". Don't let anyone tell you that you should only grieve for x amount of time - only you will know when you are ready to move on.