It has to be something I did..updated

Oreobaby · #1 July 24th, 2009, 10:23 AM

I am in the process of miscarrying after 11 w 1 day of pregnancy!! And it must be something I did. We saw the baby at 8 w 2 days...everything was fine...nice strong heart beat...we got pictures...everything was great...now...nothing...how can that happen. How can the dr. feed me a line about how the chromozomes didn't fit...it was fine...it was growing...

I just don't understand.

mmllhh · #2 July 24th, 2009, 10:27 AM

Don't do this to yourself. It can happen. I know it's hard, i'm currently going thru my second. It is 100% not something that you did. I want to cry just thinking about you doing this to yourself.

JMbreaksthelaw · #3 July 24th, 2009, 10:50 AM

Right now you are talking crazy. I know I did the same thing after my second loss. It was nothing you did, this crap happens all the time and it is not fair. With my last loss I too saw a perfectly good heartbeat and I still miscarried. If you really think something is wrong push your dr. to do some testing but most drs. wont until you have had at least 2 or 3 miscarriages. Maybe you can ask for the clotting or immune disorder testing, etc. if you are really worried. I have seen 2 drs. and I also have a MTHFR mutation but both of the drs. said it was just probably bad luck. I would love to know why I have had 2 m/c and a possible chem. pregnancy after I had a perfectly healthy child. It is hard when there are no answers but unfortunately we just have to deal. Feel better.

Me(32) DH(34) DS(3)
m/c 7/08 9w m/c 5/09 7w

momof6lopez · #4 July 24th, 2009, 10:53 AM

Welcome Oreobaby, Im so sorry for this loss. Believe it or not, but sometimes there are chromosone abnormalities and the baby just could not go any further. Are you getting some testing done on the baby? There could be over a million reasons why the baby did not make it, that is what sucks so bad about a m/c. Its so hard to pinpoint one. Even if you have testing done, not a gaurantee that they will find the answer. My babys heart beat was so strong, the blood tests were so good, and then at 9wks, it was just gone. I had a d&c and had the baby tested, the only thing I found out was that she was a girl. She was perfect, no issues with her. They just could not tell me why it happened. I have learned to trust in God that this was a fluke and the next one will be strong and healthy. I pray the same for you.

farasha · #5 July 24th, 2009, 11:18 AM

I'm so sorry hun! We all have thought and understand what you are thinking now, but believe us when we tell you... IT WASN'T YOU!!!!!

I know all doctors will tell you that there was a over a 50% chance that there was a chromosomal problem. It's true. Most times, there was a genetic problem that no one could ever have predicted. I promise you. I could go on for pages about the science behind it, but I know that's not what you want to hear. It just means that whatever gene the baby needed, just wasn't there at that stage in development and that's why this didn't happen until now. There are other reasons for miscarriage. They all involve medicine and science, but unless you were drinking gallons of alcohol and doing many drugs, none of these reasons really involve anything you did wrong. You will drive yourself crazy thinking that you did something.

The statistics show that even women who go through multiple losses for no explained reason, go on to have healthy babies eventually. Please don't do this to yourself. Take care of yourself. Vent to us. Cry. Talk to people. But don't blame yourself. The only thing any of us can do is to keep trying, seek medical help when we have questions and concerns, and give each other the support we need. We do what we can. I'm sorry to see you here, but I welcome you fully. I look forward to getting to know you on this journey to a healthy baby for you and all of us!

.:Shortcake:. · #6 July 24th, 2009, 11:45 AM

First off before I welcome you let me tell you this. There is NOTHING you could have done to prevent this. I myself have been through 2 losses with no living children and I'm not giving up. My son was 13weeks 3 days old when we lost him and we saw and heard the heartbeat 3 days before we lost him. It is without a doubt the most devastating thing I have ever and will ever go through. Welcome to our board and please feel free to PM me with any questions or if you just need to rant and get out your feelings. We are here and understand exactly what you are going through. Hugs hun.

krystal g · #7 July 24th, 2009, 12:26 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm new here too - just lost my first 2 weeks ago - and it's still hard to deal with, but please know that it's not your fault. I know so many women who have been through this, have lost their angels for no known reason, and have gone on to have healthy babies. So knowing that is how I make it through - I know that it will happen for me someday. Just keep the faith that it will happen for you too when the time is right.

JessP · #8 July 24th, 2009, 01:33 PM

Please, Please do not blame yourself. I know it is hard and you want to question everything you ate, did, or did not do. But don't because this in no way is your fault. We had heartbeats too. We had a heartbeat at 13 weeks. That is the "no worry" time. At 15 weeks we found out our baby was gone and there is no reason for it. There is a wonderful support group here and pregnancy loss. Please feel free to vent, chat or lurk whatever helps you get through this. I am so sorry for your loss and wish so much that you weren't going through this. Lots of hugs and support and welcome.

missy123 · #9 July 24th, 2009, 02:10 PM

wow, you sound like I did.... Let me reassure you there is nothing you could have done differently. Most of us had beautiful ultrasounds and everything was fine until one day...

I am sorry for your loss and sorry you have to go through this. We all understand what you are going through and what you are feeling and experiencing. We are here for you to vent and answer questions and help you through this.

Again, I am so very sorry.

KDD · #10 July 24th, 2009, 03:55 PM

Marci, again I am so sorry that this happened to you.

You didn't do anything to cause this loss. I know that it's hard to believe that mother nature can be so cruel. With my loss I almost wished that it had been something that I had done so I could prevent it again. But, like the other ladies have said, this just happens.

We are all here anytime you need to as questions, vent, or cry.

HarpersGirl · #11 July 24th, 2009, 09:43 PM

I just want to say I'm soo sorry for your loss

I hope you can get some answers hun. Big Hugs

alicenwonderland · #12 July 25th, 2009, 09:50 AM

*Hugs* I'm so sorry this is happening, Marci. But please do not give into feelings that this is your fault. Please vent and grieve however you feel necessary.

~InHisHands~ · #13 July 25th, 2009, 02:14 PM

I am so sorry for your loss! The exact same thing happened to me! We had an u/s @ 8 wks 2 days... the baby was perfect, strong HB, everything! Then I m/c @ 11 wks 3 days! It's not your fault... unfortunately, it happens!

raeleyfan · #14 July 25th, 2009, 05:45 PM

We have all been where you are now. And I am sure we may all sometimes want to go back to that dark place of self blame...but let me assure you this happens for many reasons, all of which we have no control over (excluding of course excessive drug and alcohol use, which even these things in early pregnancy rarely cause a miscarraige.). It sucks, its not fair, and it is difficult to deal with. Placing blame on yourself is destructive and scarring to your health, personality, and outlook. Please dont do this to yourself. I truly hope you have support from your family and friends, and I hope they have reassured you that you are not to blame.
At this point, the best thing you can do is continue seeking support and making friends here. I am fairly new to this board, but I can not tell you how invaluable these ladies have become to me! This will get easier to deal with, and keeping the hope of having a beautiful baby will only help you get through this.

Mel1979 · #15 July 25th, 2009, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raeleyfan

We have all been where you are now. And I am sure we may all sometimes want to go back to that dark place of self blame...but let me assure you this happens for many reasons, all of which we have no control over (excluding of course excessive drug and alcohol use, which even these things in early pregnancy rarely cause a miscarraige.). It sucks, its not fair, and it is difficult to deal with. Placing blame on yourself is destructive and scarring to your health, personality, and outlook. Please dont do this to yourself. I truly hope you have support from your family and friends, and I hope they have reassured you that you are not to blame.
At this point, the best thing you can do is continue seeking support and making friends here. I am fairly new to this board, but I can not tell you how invaluable these ladies have become to me! This will get easier to deal with, and keeping the hope of having a beautiful baby will only help you get through this.

I couldn't have said it better. Unfortunately what happened is all too common and it is definitely not your fault. We will be here to offer you all the support you need, I am so sorry for your loss

..Penelope.. · #16 July 25th, 2009, 06:01 PM

Your post made my cry. We saw our baby at 8 wk, 4 d, everything was perfect, and then at 9 wk, she was gone. I remember feeling like I was in a surreal nightmare, and thinking that it MUST have been something I did. I felt like blaming myself would make more sense then never having an answer as to why.

I know that it`s hard to believe right now, but this wasn`t your fault. I`m so very sorry that you lost your baby. You and DH are in my T&P.

~~~Sara~~~ · #17 July 26th, 2009, 12:08 AM

No do not blame yourself! I am so sorry for your loss.

I know you want an answer, but do not blame yourself! I know we had such strong numbers, people were thinking twins, we not only saw the heart beat, but I saw her face, her ams, her hands, she was waving at us and just fine and then we lost her.

I know it hurts, it's not fair, it's crap. I am so so sorry.

mlyster · #18 July 26th, 2009, 06:03 PM

I am not going to tell you not to blame yourself (even though it was nothing you did) and I can not make you understand. But I can tell you that you will get through this. We (the ladies of this board) have been where you are and it is one of the hardest things you will ever go through. But you will get through it and it will make you a stronger woman! For now though, take the time to heal both emotionally and physically. When you are ready to TTC again we will be here for the ups and downs (even before you TTC we will be here if you need).

#19 July 26th, 2009, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlyster

I am not going to tell you not to blame yourself (even though it was nothing you did) and I can not make you understand. But I can tell you that you will get through this. We (the ladies of this board) have been where you are and it is one of the hardest things you will ever go through. But you will get through it and it will make you a stronger woman! For now though, take the time to heal both emotionally and physically. When you are ready to TTC again we will be here for the ups and downs (even before you TTC we will be here if you need).

Couldn't put it any better than what Mlyster said

I just want to reach through the screen and give you the biggest hug.

starrsgirl · #20 July 26th, 2009, 08:32 PM

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our second after seeing a perfect baby and heartbeat only the week before too. I thought we were in the clear, but we weren't. It was 500 times harder for me on my second loss (where I had seen the heartbeat) than on my first where I hadn't. Hang tough...we are all here for you.